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When your parents cant take care of themselves

Posted by on Jun. 22, 2008 at 11:40 PM
  • 18 Replies

Would you put your parent's in a nursing home or would you take care ot them. I was talking to my mom and she's 62 and she has autharitas she says it's not bad. So I was wondering with you being parents too would you take care or your parents or would you put them in a nursing home. Me I have to take care of my moms she means the world to me. Take a moment and think about it.

by on Jun. 22, 2008 at 11:40 PM
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by on Jun. 22, 2008 at 11:41 PM
My Mom would move in with us.  Not sure about my hubby's folks...  we may not survive that.

by on Jun. 22, 2008 at 11:44 PM
i would definitely take care of them, if not me one of my siblings. my sister is an RN so probably her. Ive worked in nursing homes.. its heart breaking, some of the residents never had visitors, they were just left there by their children, some had no family so they had to live there. My only reason i would want them in a nursing home would be if they needed intense medical attention or they couldnt ambulate and needed to be lifted all the time ( im only 5'3!) still they would be visited often. of course this is just what i assume will happen but my parents took good care of me so i would love to return that gift
by on Jun. 22, 2008 at 11:46 PM
I would put them in a nursing home.....I use to work at this wonderful one here in town and I loved it.  I could not take care of my parents the way these individuals take care of these people.  It's amazing.
by on Jun. 22, 2008 at 11:48 PM
I would take care of my dad. He doesn't like to talk about it, but if worse comes to worse, he would live with me......I'm sure my oldest my brother would take in my mom.....if not, she would probably go to a retirement home.
by on Jun. 22, 2008 at 11:51 PM

I'm young and so are my parents... I don't know what I would do.  I can't even think about it really, it breaks my heart too.

by on Jun. 22, 2008 at 11:53 PM
I totally agree. I couldnt put my parents in a nursing home. I would feel bad putting my MIL in one, but at the same time I could never live with her!! I think I might kill her or if I didn't my husband would!!
Quoting eFreak23:

My Mom would move in with us. Not sure about my hubby's folks... we may not survive that.

by on Jun. 23, 2008 at 12:00 AM

As I have just gone through this, here's my answer. When my baby was born, my Mom was 77 years old. Very active, and full of life. Then she started having small strokes. Dozens of them. In 2004, when my son was only 6 months old, I went to help my sister in law get my Mom ready for bed in the evenings. We'd get there about 6 pm, and a GOOD night got us both home by 11:30 or so. We did this for 6 months. It finally got to the point where we were there for 8, 9 hours, and Mom couldn't help herself to help us, and it was more and more apparent that she could no longer stay at home. My Dad couldn't catch her if she fell, we had assistants coming in during the day, but in the evening,  it was just too dangerous to leave them there alone, together. SO she went to a nursing home. Did we LIKE going to visit her there? Nope! But she had supervision, and skilled care that we could no longer provide.

Your mom has arthritis. This makes it difficult for her to walk , etc... but does it make it IMPOSSIBLE to care for herself? Does she need help even with wiping herself after a trip to the bathroom? Is she still continent, meaning, does she have control over her bladder and bowels? Can she feed herself? Can she clean herself? Brush her own teeth? Etc... My Mom can do none of those things for herself any longer. Do I wish I COULD take care of her here? You bet I do! But it would be supremely unfair to my family if I even suggested it. My husband and my little boy got into a routine back in 04, where Daddy got to give him his bath, feed him, and rock him to sleep. He did it every night for the entire time I was helping Mom. Do I regret the time I spent with my Mother? Not really... do I regret the time I MISSED with my baby? You bet I do! From that point on, he was Daddy's boy. I was just that nice lady who fed him while Dad was working. He reserved all of his really cool laughs and giggles for Daddy in the evenings.

If your mom gets to the point where she can no longer take care of herself, meaning doing her own daily cares, then ask yourself this question. There is little more humbling than seeing the look of humiliation on your mother's face as you discover that she's once again pooped all over herself. She can't help it, but she knows, on some level that it's a shameful thing for an adult to do. And she looks at you with eyes that don't really recognise you as her daughter any more. She can't see you as a daughter, because no child should have to do this for her parent. My mom doesn't know who I am, but if I'm there when she messes herself, she is truly, and utterly ashamed. I don't judge her for it, because I know she can't help it. Her brain is atrophying, and she has been accepted in Hospice, which means that 2 doctors have agreed that she will most likely die within 6 months. She has no control any longer, and there's nothing she can do to fix that. But on some level, she still knows that it's not "good" for an adult to do that.

I pray that you never HAVE to make this decision. It's the most heart wrenching thing I've ever done... signing those papers, as her guardian, to put her in that place permanently. But she's in the best place for her at the moment. The staff is loving and caring, they find out what favorites that each resident has, and they do their best to make sure that they get a dose of those favorites.... it's not a bad thing, nursing homes... if you find the right one.

by on Jun. 23, 2008 at 12:03 AM
My mom already told me to put her in a nursing home. She refuses to let her children see her pee or poop her pants or not be able to eat on her own. She said parents are supposed to raise kids, not the other way around. So even though I'd love to take care of my mom and return everything she's done for me, I'd rather respect her as a person, whether or not she is fully functional, and do as she wishes.

now my dad, no effing way would I ever take care of him. He didnt take care of me and help my mom with her three kids AT ALL, so I don't feel he deserves to be taken care of. He can go straight to the nursing home for all I care.

by on Jun. 23, 2008 at 12:04 AM
I think I would take my mother in and probably my mother in law.  My father would have to go to a nursing home due to his weight, we wouldn't be able to handle him. 
by on Jun. 23, 2008 at 7:36 AM
My Father died suddenly but my Mother died of Breast cancer we all took care of her at home (well most of us anyways} I could never have put her in a nursing home .I seen how they are to people it is nasty.
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