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Posted by on Mar. 19, 2007 at 10:16 AM
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Hi, Im new to CafeMom..what a nice site this is. I wish I could of found it long ago! My name is Kelly, I am almost 36. I live in Eastern Kansas, and am mom to 4 year old Bo. He is the light of my life! He walks in his dads shadow! He is way more then loved! However we are having lots of discipline issues, prolly stemming from all the changes that have taken place in the last year. Oh yeah and from him being a 4 year old boy! :-) Seriously though, he tells US what he is or isnt gonna do. He will throw a tatrum if he dont get his way. He REFUSES to sleep in his own bed..says its scary in there!! I have to stand over him to make him clean his room..which he screams and prostests against...I know that kids will be kids..but come on we are ready to PULL OUR HAIR OUT! We have tried everything and dont know what else to do! We are meeting with an assoc. pastor from church tonite, we are hoping he can help shed some light on everything and help us through all this. anyways ifu have any suggestions that u think may help...please feel free to share!!
by on Mar. 19, 2007 at 10:16 AM
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by on Mar. 19, 2007 at 10:23 AM
My daughter went through a tantrum phase.  I had to take privilages away from her such as Saturday Morning  cartoons, which then became a reward if her room was clean and her dirty laundry put in the hamper.  The time out chair didn't always work, she'd just stand up and walk away.  You could take him to pick out a night light for his room, it might make it less scary to him.  He's in power struggle mode, you just have to be firm and counter him when he tells you what he's going to do.  I know its hard.  It will work out for you, as long as you and your husband stay on the same page and work together you'll get through this phase.  good luck
by on Mar. 19, 2007 at 10:50 AM
Yes yes......reward/punishment.  Taking away the things that they like to do until they have accomplished the tasks that they don't want to do is the way to go.

As far as sleeping in his own room, I have had dealt with issues of that nature.  Still do.

However, I am a little different.  There are things in this world that some of us see and some of us don't.  I am Pagan so my view on things may be a bit different than yours (as far as why he is scared).  However, the way to go about this is universal:

Have you asked him why he is so scared?  Is it the shadows on the wall that are playing tricks on him?  Putting a dimming light can help, but what can also help is to put a radio in his room, or right outside so that he doesn't play with it (ours was in the bathroom so that I, along with the infant 'at that time' could hear it as well) and play music that is calming.  My daughter's favorite was a CD of rain and birds.  'The Baby's Symphonies' is GREAT as well.  Symphony's have also been proven to stimulate our brains.

My daughter went what you are going through with the tantrums when she was three.  I had to literally 'hold' her in time out on the stairs to make sure that she did it.  She would scream and kick but she had to learn that she was in a 'time out'.  It will pass.  YOU just have to be strong willed, more so than your son.  Always have the same punishment and NEVER give an empty threat.  If you say you are going to do 'x' when he does 'y', you better be able to do 'x'.  Or else he is going to learn that you don't really mean it and will do what he wants.


Just some thoughts from this Mom. 
by on Mar. 19, 2007 at 10:51 AM
hi just wanted to say i read your post and i have a few suggestions that might help. im a mom of 5. 3 which r boys. boys r easier to raise.isee u r a christian so am i. pray, pray, pray. remember the verse raise up a child in the way he should go.and spare the rod spoil the child. i might get pursecuted on that one but thats ok i say take wat ever he wont pick up and put it in a trash bag put the bag in a closet wen hes good he can earn a toy bac. i did this and it helped. he could also just b very frustrated and cant exspress himself.. i went through this with all my boys.if hes a huggy kid just go hug him and sit with him till the tantrum is over.i did that with my yougest at that age it worked really great.let me know how it goes il b praying for u.oh im 41 and i live on a farm i dont know how to do the invite as a friend but id lik u to b my friend.Smilehav a blessed day with ur lil guy
by on Mar. 19, 2007 at 11:04 AM
Another suggestion would be to explain to him why he is doing what he is doing.  You will have to repeat this alot, almost everytime he starts, and while and after he is done.  But children respond better when they understand the why then when they are talked to like children.

Contrary to popular belief, we pray as well.  It is a great way to keep your sanity.  I personally pray for serenity and the 'strong will' to not give in when my kids are challenging me.  It is so much easier to just shut their door or do it myself.

"Prepare the child for the path, 'not' the path for the child"

Remember that and you and your husband are going to do great.
by on Mar. 19, 2007 at 11:13 AM
i will tell you something if he does protest and all say this and i know it's mean or whatever take out his toys and then put him in his room and just say until you are good you can have your toys back. and for the sleeping part my future sister in law puts her son to bed and closes the door yes he does get mad but whereever he falls asleep she would try and peak where and pick him up and put him to bed cause all kids get tired. if you tell him to stop and he doesn't lightly hit his bottom and he will listen to you and say to him i'm sorry but you wasn't listening to me and give him a hug and say you need to listen to mommy and daddy. i hope i helped a little. my name is Erica.
by on Mar. 19, 2007 at 11:24 AM
I am a firm believer that spanking is needed, but only under certain circumstances.

Are they going to get hurt?  ie:  running out in the road/parking lot

Are they going to hurt someone else?  ie: throwing rocks

Are they going to break something?  ie: throwing a toy across the room

My kids are 9 and 6, they keep their rooms clean (for the most part - it isn't organized like I would like, but it is clean), they make their beds every morning, they pick up after themselves and they wash the dinner dishes by hand.

They do this without being told, and without being spanked.  In fact, I think in the 10 years I have a been a mom, I have spanked my children a total of four times each.

I just think that if people revert to spanking then they are instilling fear into the child instead of knowledge and that saddens me.

by on Mar. 19, 2007 at 3:36 PM
Thanks for all your advice. I know that part of our problem is that we are not always consitant! We are working hard on that, and supporting each other in what we have told him. Thanks again for your advice! Kelly
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