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Thought you ladies would find this amusing!

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 1:36 PM
  • 7 Replies
This is Your Child on Drugs.
So I was watching TV the other day and saw a new Partnership for a Drug-Free America commercial. Actually I don’t think they’re called that anymore. They have some new 21st century name or something. Anyway, you know who I’m talking about. The commercial featured an average looking teenage boy doing a talking-head monologue that went something like this:

Hey teenager, are your parents watching this with you? Good. Have they talked to you about the drug ecstasy yet? No? They still think partying is about drinking beer, huh? They don’t know good kids just like you take ecstasy. They’ve never asked about the vitamins in your room or the glow-stick jewelry. Ecstasy can kill you and drugs are bad.

OK, I don’t think he actually said “drugs are bad”, but I forget how he wraps up.

Anyway, I just want to say thank God for this commercial! It’s high time parents were made aware of the drug ecstasy (not to be confused with the emotion ecstasy) and its inextricable link to glow-stick jewelry. Where there is glow-stick jewelry there is, without a doubt, ecstasy. Probably ketamine too.

But unfortunately, this commercial doesn’t go nearly far enough toward educating parents. Every drug out there has definitive warning signs, so as a public service I’m going to list them below.

By far, the biggest indicator of drug use in general is moodiness and rebelliousness in teenagers. Non drug using teenagers are perfectly happy, self-actualized individuals that have super relationships with their parents and their entire families. If your teenager shies away from family activities and seems to want to spend a lot of time out of the house or alone, seek counseling immediately.

If your teenager exhibits moodiness and rebellion, the music he or she listens to and the way they dress can help you determine exactly what drug they are addicted to. Generally speaking, if your child listens to the same music you listened to when you were young, it’s a safe bet they take the same drugs you did. Classic rock means marijuana and 80’s pop is a sure sign of cocaine.

Here are some specific warning signs that your child is in trouble with drugs and other nefarious activities.

Does your child wear baggy hip-hop clothing and listen to rap music?

Your child smokes crack.

Does your child wear tie-dyed t-shirts and listen to The Grateful Dead, Phish, Widespread Panic or Government Mule?

Your child smokes pot and takes LSD.

Does your child listen to The Velvet Underground or Nirvana?

Definitely heroin. If no track marks are evident, he or she shoots it under his toenails or eyelids.

Does your child listen to heavy metal music?

Methamphetamine.

Does your child listen to the blues?

Your child shot a man in Memphis.

Does your child listen to Marilyn Manson?

Your child worships The Devil and fucks dead kittens (unless your child is a girl, in which case she fucks live dobermans).

Does your child listen to techno dance music?

Ecstasy and ketamine again. That this was left out of the PSA described above is a huge disservice to paranoid parents.

Does your child wear ripped clothing, dye their hair funny colors and listen to punk rock?

Your child sniffs butyl nitrate and is probably bisexual, unless they are just a poseur.

Is your child a high-school cheerleader or football player?

You have nothing to worry about. Your child is a good old fashioned red blooded American alcoholic.

Does your child listen to 1940’s swing music by black bandleaders?

Your child smokes marijuana, but spells it “marihuana”.

Does your child lift weights?

Duh!! Steroids!! If your daughter lifts weights she probably also wolfs muff.

Is your child a teen starlet?

She smokes cigarettes and snorts cocaine.

Does your child wear Wranglers jeans, shirts with snap buttons and listen to country and/or western music?

Again, nothing to worry about. It’s only beer and Jack Daniels.

Does your teenage daughter spend much of her free time at the mall?

Your daughter sucks cock for money.

Does your teenage son spend much of his free time at the mall?

Your son sucks cock for free.

Does your child listen to Christian rock?

Your child is an idiot. They also have no taste and no friends.

Would your child rather spend time on the internet than watching TV?

This is huge. The best you can hope for is that your child is a geek. Other signs of geekdom include reading when not required to (especially science fiction), Monty Python and Dungeons and Dragons. Dungeons and Dragons is also a sure sign of Satanism, so seek immediate religious counseling and possibly exorcism.

If internet use is high but no symptoms of geekdom exist, there is only one other possibility. Your child is meeting middle-aged men in chat rooms then meeting them at the mall to have sex with them.

Does your teen seem nervous around the opposite sex?

Your child is homosexual.

While the temptations facing teens in the 21st century are many, by familiarizing yourself with the warning signs and remaining vigilant, you can save your children. If your child exhibits any of these warning signs, they should be institutionalized at once.






Courtesy of MsTags.com
Courtesy of MsTags.com




by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 1:36 PM
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Replies (1-7):
mom2manyangels
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 1:46 PM
I have kids that fit in most of these ......Ok running for theraphy right now....lol
4ever
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 1:54 PM
that was so funny I liked it
Michele6369
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 1:57 PM
Well, let me see, I dont think that my 6 and 8 yr old are that far along yet.....lol. And my one 24 yr old.......i do believe just drinks some.......and the other 24 yr old lives with me......and doest ever go anywhere except to work and maybe his grandmothers to help her...........rofling. No worries here.
MandiK
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 1:58 PM
Ha ha, I love it. I was laughing the my ass off the whole time! Thanks for sharing.
charrliesue
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 2:02 PM

so what do they say about kids that lesson to classic rock like me i must be in real troble then lol
lifes to short live it up
recca_2
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 2:03 PM
I'm glad that was meant to be funny, cause if it was serious, that is some of the stupidest s**t I've heard in a while! 


Mom2PunkRockers
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 2:07 PM
  Ok my son listens to heavy metal , punk and classic rock like the grateful dead.....he has a mowhawk thats green.....he wears weird clothes and only shops in hot topic.....ok ok im panicking now.......im running for therapy.....SMACKS SELF IN HEAD....oh yeah , kids also autistic....he cant be on drugs , he has therapy all the time.....BREATHES HUGE SIGH OF RELIEF.......LMAO, this was so funny ....i dressed funn y and listened to the same stuff he does when i was a kid, and i never did drugs. This really makes you think about the stereotypes .
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