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parents favor nephew over my daughter

Posted by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 6:15 PM
  • 15 Replies

hi everyone! ive been a stay at home mommy for going on two years!  i was home the whole time i was pregnant trying to get everything ready and just being lazy! well now i have an amazing 14 month old daughter that i adore! shes my lil boogy! we have tons of fun together but i need a damn break.  I've been nursing since the day she was born and boy does she love the milk!! she was attached to me for the first 4 months. i was lucky to go to the bathroom or take a shower. so as you can tell i didnt get the luxury of having anyone watch her. i want time ALONE with my man!! we have no relationship anymore. we just argue most of the time or we dont even talk. we need our time too right?   so here comes the me being pissed off part.... i have a sister thats almost 27 and a nephew thats almost 3. my parents have had my nephew every weekend since he was born. my sister does work (a little too much if you ask me) so you would think she would want to spend more time with him but instead shes always trying to get rid of him. my dad asks EVERY DAY if she wants him to pick up caleb (my nephew). they take him all kinds of places and buy him all kids of things. it really hurts my feelings b/c the really dont have much to do with my daughter. i have confronted them about it and they will say no we dont we love them the same. so why dont they ever ask for her? my boyfriend wants to move to florida. should i consider it? or am i just acting like a baby that needs to grow up?

by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 6:15 PM
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Replies (1-10):
nemiller
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 6:19 PM
No, your parents should be just as interested in one grandchild as the other.  Did you ever refuse whenever they offered to help?  If you did, they may have gotten the idea you didn't want to leave her with them.  Instead of waiting for them to come to you, maybe ask them if they wouldn't mind watching her one weekend or something.

2angelsofmyown
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 6:20 PM
My In-laws always take their eldest granddaughter for weekend trips and mini-vacations but never mine, when I finally asked them about it they made a very good point, My daughter is much younger than Molly and would have a difficult time with the adjustment. I would ask my parents to watch her if I was you if you need a break and god knows we all do sometimes, just ask! Once you open it up to them they will probably start taking the incentive and asking you~
mother2tifkay
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 6:22 PM
  I wouldnt say that you are being a baby. However, since they do watch you nephew more it makes sense that they would be closer to him. My parents live in Florida as does the rest of my family( I am in PA). For the first few years they were closer to my sisters kids than mine. They wouldn't even watch mine so my husband and I could go see old friends when we were down. Come to find out they were just waiting for me to ask them to take them. Now they spend two weeks with my parents every summer. If you have to ask them to take your children just do it, all they can say is no. As  your child gets older the bond will develop.
crawls81
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 6:22 PM
i know how u feel.  my mother inlaw thinks she has only 2 grand kids, her daughters.  but in reality she has six.  she and her ex  my father inlaw make no effort to see anyof  their other grand kids. and it makes us and his brother and sister inlaw mad.  we moved to memphis for a while to get away from the bullshit and they never even called.  their daughter moved to texas which was far away and they went down there when we only lived like an hour from them whats that about
heatherdm
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 6:24 PM
Well first of all move if YOU want to or because your bf wants to and you agree to. but dont move because you feel your family favors your sister's child. My hubby's parents are like this, they do so much for his sister's kids but not their only grandson (and Im not talking about my kids from previous marriage but our child together) but sometimes i think it is because my hubby doesnt put forth the effort of having a relationship with them besides what can they do for him...which I try not to let him do that but i don't babysit him 24/7 and it slips through. Try spending time with them, the nephew, and your daughter.
amaznkellbo
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 6:32 PM

Try asking your parents to watch your daughter for 1 night so that you and your boyfriend can go out on a date night.  All they can do is either say "Yes or No".  I do feel sorry for you because I know how it is to have your child treated differently from their cousin.  My daughter is the only girl born into my husbands family in over 50 years and they all ignore her.  When my husband asked his mother why we got the "We don't know how to relate to a girl" as an answer.  How can she not know how to relate to a girl, she is one and she grew up with a sister. 

I have decided not to subject my child to that kind of treatment anymore because I know that one day she will come to realize that she is treated differently from her boy cousins.  I know in the end it's gonna be my child that is hurt by my husbands family's actions.  And I wish I could change it, but I don't know how.

no1mommy07
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 6:35 PM
I feel you 100%. My son is 6 month old and my nephew is only 27 days younger. My parents never even came up to the hospital to see my son. But they went to see my nephew as soon as he was born. And they were born at the hospital. My parents have only been to see my son 3 times in the six months he has been here. But they see my sisters son 2-3 times a week, and we only live 5 min. apart. So trust me I feel your pain.
Jeniflower
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 7:07 PM
I agree with the others in that before you jump to too many conclusions, you need to come right out and ask. Maybe they didn't think you'd be comfortable leaving your child with them, knowing you were breastfeeding, or maybe there is some other lack of communication. But what ever the case, you and your hubby, but especially you... need a break. You can't be superwoman 24/7... (I wish I could listen to my own advise) Anyway, come right out and ask them if they could watch your little one for a bit. Even if it's only for a couple of hours, just to see how it goes, give you and your hubby time for dinner out. Then you can work your way up to an overnight. It may take time for your little one to adjust to you not being around also, and they may be worried that they won't be able to deal with that. Bottom line, ask them, and see what they say... and let us know how you make out!
Preggoat18
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 8:39 PM
your not acting like a baby but have you considered they take caleb  more because his mom doesnt seem to want to spend time with him as much. maybe they are trying to show him more love because maybe they think he needs it because his moms never around. they probably love them equally but they know you'll always be there for your baby...and maybe they fear calebs mom wont be.
nemiller
by on Jul. 31, 2007 at 8:45 PM

Quoting Preggoat18:

your not acting like a baby but have you considered they take caleb  more because his mom doesnt seem to want to spend time with him as much. maybe they are trying to show him more love because maybe they think he needs it because his moms never around. they probably love them equally but they know you'll always be there for your baby...and maybe they fear calebs mom wont be.
That's a really good point.  I didn't even think to mention that.


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