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My brother found his daughter

Posted by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:41 PM
  • 31 Replies

OK i willl make a long story short.

back when my brother was 17 he got this girl pregnant, her parent wasn't to fond of the idea threaten to shoot my brother, well when my brother was 18 he got into some trouble and went to prison spent 4 year in prison. while in prison his rights were stripped and the girl parents adopted my brother daughter. 

when he got out of prison  he try to find her, he did and made an appointment to see her when he got there there were not there and they wouldn't except his calls.

fast foward to about 9 year later, my brother is now 31 he started seeing this girl about 2 week ago,when she asked him if he had any kids at first he said no but changed it and said yea i have one a daugter who is about 15 years old, he told her the story and her name. while joking around his girlfriend said well hell i have 3 girls by the name kelly at my house now, she asked her last name and he told her and she was got really quiet and said your daughter is at my house now she is my  daughters best friend. he has seen the pic of his daughter yesterday. my brother is scared he don't know what to do or how to handle this. this little girl don't know who her daddy is, they never told her, he want to do something but he don't know what, he don't what they might have said about him or what she think, she is a teenager now and he don't know if he want to walk into her life now after all this time. i told him to confront the mother, demand a meeting with the grand parents and the mother so they can see how to handle this.

i think this girl needs to know who her father is and she deserves to hear his side of the story and needs to know that my brother didn't walk away from her, they took her away from him, that he had no choice in the matter at all. and she should be able to make the decision if she want to see or meet him.

my mama seen a pic yesterday and she said that she looks like me when i was that age.

kelly has a whole other family that she never even knew existed, she should be able to make the decison if she want to be apart of this family or not.

what do ya'll think he should do, should he try to see her or what.

am i right by thinking he should try to make some kind of relationship with her or do ya'll think he should just leave well enough alone.

i see it like this he can make an effort and if she refused well at least he tried.

 

 i found her on myspace last nite her page is priviate, i wanted to do a friend invite but decide not to because i don't want to be the one to tell her who her daddy is that is my brother and her mother and the grandparent place so  i didn't do it.

by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:41 PM
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Replies (1-10):
montanagirl02
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:47 PM

wow thats crazy but i hope the best in the situation. would love to hear how it turns out. she should know who her dad is. my dh has a daughter that he hasn't seen in yrs and we often talk about if she finds him when she's older.

First_One_8_18
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:47 PM

That's a crazy story, one that I couldn't fathom, so I can give no real advice besides everything happens for a reason. He was lead back to her after all of these years, that's a miracle in itself!

"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” ~Mahatma Ghandi

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Allie76
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:50 PM

I would wait until she is 18...

partieswithJenn
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:51 PM

I say go for it! If he were going to be a dead beat dad and not be there for her then I would say leave well enough alone, But if he is ready for this then YES by all means DO IT!

geeez
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:53 PM

OMG!!!!  Talk about a small world.  Your brother should definitely reach out to his daughter.  It was not his choice that he was taken out of her life.  They both deserve the opportunity to get to know each other.  I don't know what kind of B.S. they might have told her about your brother, but that may play into why they won't let them met.  Worse case scenario, your brother  should consult with a lawyer and see what he can do about the situation.  Maybe in the state where she lives it is up to her, who knows what he might find out.  I know nothing about the law - JMO.  Good Luck - .I REALLY hope they meet

autumnsmommy02
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:57 PM

I agree!

Quoting geeez:

OMG!!!!  Talk about a small world.  Your brother should definitely reach out to his daughter.  It was not his choice that he was taken out of her life.  They both deserve the opportunity to get to know each other.  I don't know what kind of B.S. they might have told her about your brother, but that may play into why they won't let them met.  Worse case scenario, your brother  should consult with a lawyer and see what he can do about the situation.  Maybe in the state where she lives it is up to her, who knows what he might find out.  I know nothing about the law - JMO.  Good Luck - .I REALLY hope they meet


       

confused-mom
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 2:57 PM


Quoting Allie76:

I would wait until she is 18...


my fear is if he wait until she 18 he may not know how to find her then, and if she find him and some how some way she find out that he found her when she was15 and never even try to contact her, that maybe that in itself will collaborate all the lies that she might have been told.

my brother would have made  a good father, he has been with girls who have kids and them kids have been treated like gold had anything they ever wanted, he played the daddy role, the most recent one that he just left hell he was mama and daddy to her 3 kids cause she was a shitty mom.

Cakelover_5
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 3:01 PM

I know this is not going to be the most popular answer but ...

He needs to wait until she is 18. I know this is going to be hard but her "parents" will make trouble. They have in the past and people don't change that much. He won't have to worry about any legal problems or worry about being arrested for approaching this family who obviously does not like him if he waits. There are so many things that can go wrong as well as right i this situation. At the very least he should consult a lawyer fist before approaching the family. Good luck!

Kellileanne
by Platinum Member on Dec. 15, 2008 at 3:02 PM

Wow!  Ok, I would push him to get intouch with the mother and ask for visitation.  She was removed from his life when he wanted to be there for her.  And, I think she is old enough to decide herself if she wants a relationship with him.

happymom_0307
by on Dec. 15, 2008 at 3:04 PM

I would approach it calmly and with patience.  I know that's hard, but if she has a good life I wouldn't want to disrupt it any.  He spent the first 4 years or her life in prison, so the grandparents did what I would have probably done if it had been my grandchild.  They made a good life for her.  Is she happy?  IMO he has no right to demand anything from them right now.  They did what was needed for their grandaughter when she was little.  He couldn't be a father while in prison.  Him going to prison was consequence of his actions.  He may have not walked away, but he wasn't there to help either.  I'm sure he didn't go to prison for no reason at all, so I can see why the grandparents probably didn't like him. 

What if you were the grandparents?  I think they did right by the little girl.  I do think every child deserves to know their father, but he has to do it by their rules.  If he has no legal rights to his daughter then he really has no choice but to play by their rules and can't demand anything.  I know this may not be the answer you want, but it's how I feel.  He did kind of walk away when he decided to make a bad choice that had him in prison for 4 years.

And if he wants to leave it be, then you should support him in that choice.  It sounds like he is putting her first.  This is his choice and no one else's.  Give him time to figure it out.  I also think you should leave her alone.  If anyone is going to make the attempt it should be him. 

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