Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

wtf???... could be cussing

Posted by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:19 AM
  • 11 Replies

Okay so here's a little background. My husband just lost his job like two weeks ago. The day after he went to California because his grandpa is dying. Okay so he was gone for a week and he came back sunday. He wasn't even  home for two hours and his friend called and wanted to hang out. So he leaves. Before this he was telling me that he loves me so much and he never wants to leave me or his son again and he missed us so much. Well he hung out with his friend almost all day yesterday and he brings him home with him last night and says that he has no where to stay so he's going to sleep on our couch. Well I'm not going to let this guy sleep out on the street, its below zero and I may be a bitch but I'm not that much of a bitch. We got in a fight about it last night because I nurse my son in the living room when he wakes up in the middle of the night so I can stay awake and his room with his changing table and everything is on the other end of the house so I am out here alot during the night and having someone on the couch makes things really difficult. I ended up nursing my son in our room last night and barely stayed awake and it was horrible not having my glider and the comforts of what I'm used to, he was awake for two hours because I was so uncomfortable I couldn't get him to sleep. So his friend is here ALL day today except for when I told them they need to leave so I can clean the house. And he comes home with him when he comes back. He's eating our food and using whatever he wants in our home. I asked my hubby if there was somewhere else for him to stay because I can't handle this, oh and let me say this guy smells HORRIBLE, I was spraying air freshner and litting candles to try and get the smell out of my house. Well when I asked him if there was somewhere else for him to stay my hubby FREAKED out on me and said I need to leave and he's not putting his friend out on the street and all this shit. He was screaming at me telling me to leave. He even called my mother and asked her if I could stay there. Then he goes on to tell me that he hates me and he wants nothing to do with me and that I needed to get out of his house. Well then he says give me my money. We had $250 for groceries and the rest of the bills and I said what about the bills and he said he didn't care and he took the money. Well I called him and he was all "are you out of my house yet" and I told him no, I'm not leaving and I'm not taking our son out in the cold. All of our stuff is here and this is where I live too. he then tells me well I'm not coming home then, I'm not coming home to you. I don't think I should have to leave, and if he's not coming home then there is obviously somewhere they can stay so why can't his friend stay there? I don't get it. I don't understand why he is putting his friend before his family. I want to work this out but he's acting like its over and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know what to do.

by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:19 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
shyfox19
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:41 AM

bump? anyone have any advice?

Allie76
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:45 AM

Wow, I have no clue what to say.  Do you think it's the stress of the grandpa dying and losing his job together that has caused this, or is something else going on?  He's not using or anything, is he?

ValiVal
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:46 AM

Was your relationship on the rocks before he left for the funeral?  His behavior is very odd to me and would piss anyone off!  Especially right after getting back from being away and not putting his fam first.  He may be acting out because of his losses (grandpa and job) but he certainly should be keeping you close and using you as support instead of casting you away.

Quoting shyfox19:

bump? anyone have any advice?


 BRAND NEW GROUP, Click Here To Check It Out!!!

shyfox19
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:49 AM

No he's not using, he never has and never would. I know he is stressed but I just don't get it. I want to be there for him but all he wants is his friend and hes acting like our son and I are just garbage and have never meant anything to him. I'm so confused.

Quoting Allie76:

Wow, I have no clue what to say.  Do you think it's the stress of the grandpa dying and losing his job together that has caused this, or is something else going on?  He's not using or anything, is he?


Mrs.McCoy917
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:53 AM

wow that is a strange reaction. i dont have any advice

bump

preview image


Mom to Connor & Taylor, February 6Th 2008. SAHM, proud wife to my Airman Ken.

Martina70
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:55 AM

I don't know what to say to make you feel better. Your husband is wrong and I would be livid if I were you. The only thing I can even suggest by the stretch of the immaginiation is that he feels bad for his friend and is thinking there but for the grace of god go I. It could be why he is taking it so personally you are telling his smelly friend to kick rocks and to surf another couch.


cheri1221
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 1:57 AM

Sounds like this friend of his is feeding on your husband's sadness right now.  The friend must be miserable and is using your husband's feelings of what is going on with his job and grandfather to get into his head.  I'm sure the friend is feeding him full of b/s to make him angry at you to get your hubs all to himself.  This happened to me in my first marriage, this is how it ended.  It's f**king disgusting, but this guy is seriously bad news for hubby.  If he continues to hang with him, he's headed down a path of destruction.  I'm sure this friend of his is saying to him "man, she nags constantly, she runs your life, you don't need her shit", stuff along those lines.  I've been there, I can guarantee you that is what's going on.  Hubs is buying into it right now out of his sadness over the job and his recent loss.  Please don't think I'm calling you a nag or anything, but the friend will say bad shit about you to hubs just to be sure he's got your hubs wrapped around his finger.

Also, if your hubs doesn't have many friends, he may let this one friend run his life just to be accepted by him.  Hun, I've been there.  Good Luck

shyfox19
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:00 AM

This is exactly what I was thinking. This guy has a kid and doesn't even take care of her at all. I don't know how to make my hubby realize what the hell he is doing right now.

Quoting cheri1221:

Sounds like this friend of his is feeding on your husband's sadness right now.  The friend must be miserable and is using your husband's feelings of what is going on with his job and grandfather to get into his head.  I'm sure the friend is feeding him full of b/s to make him angry at you to get your hubs all to himself.  This happened to me in my first marriage, this is how it ended.  It's f**king disgusting, but this guy is seriously bad news for hubby.  If he continues to hang with him, he's headed down a path of destruction.  I'm sure this friend of his is saying to him "man, she nags constantly, she runs your life, you don't need her shit", stuff along those lines.  I've been there, I can guarantee you that is what's going on.  Hubs is buying into it right now out of his sadness over the job and his recent loss.  Please don't think I'm calling you a nag or anything, but the friend will say bad shit about you to hubs just to be sure he's got your hubs wrapped around his finger.


strongmom40
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:00 AM

I'm sorry. I don't know your situation or the history of your relationship with him so I can't offer much help. But I tell ya what I am 42 years old & knowing what I know now compared to when I was 20 years old it is only natural that I view things differently & have a lot more knowledge & education when it comes to relationships with men.

I am reading that he took ALL the money in the household & left you & the baby with no money, correct? Knowing what I know now, the first call I would make was to a money source & immediately I would have the locks changed like within a hour of his leaving. Not to end it forever without some investigating his behavior or finding out what is going on with him possibly. I would change those locks within a heartbeat to give him a good dose of his own damn medicine when he tries to come back unannounced !! He wants to leave you & a sweet baby breastfeeding with no money & throw you & a sweet baby out into the cold? I'd show his ass what it felt like to be locked out into the cold. He left & announced he was not coming back. You don't know where he is at or who has access to his house keys & you have a baby to protect. [ not to mention make a damn point of having him to eat his own words when he figures out he has no key, but let's just keep that information between us, all he needs to be told is you changed the locks as a protective measure. Makes perfect sense IMO ]

IDK about the having a place to stay. They might have gotten a hotel room with some of the money. You said the guy is nasty smelling horrid. It could well be that no one will let him stay in their house. You just never know.

Is this outburst totally out of his character? Could drugs be involved?

*

*

*

*
I don't understand why he is putting his friend before his family. I want to work this out but he's acting like its over and there's nothing I can do about it. I don't know what to do.

Hun I am sorry but many a men over the course of time have chosen other things over their kids & family. I tried for seven years with my son's father & he ultimately chose his wicked ways over his own son. It does happen & many times we as moms & women just can not comprehend such behavior or their selfish choices.

Stay strong & remember you are a mom & you have to stand your ground for your child & yourself. Don't put up with BS like this off of your husband. He has some SERIOUS, SERIOUS explaining to do. IMO NOW for sure you got rid of the stinky so called friend problem out ya house, if & when your hubby wants to talk & apologise for his actions & honestly try to be a supportive mate & act like a proper father, by his actions you posted of taking off with the money, telling you to get out into the cold with a baby, he is not coming home etc...If & when he realizes that he has screwed up & wants to attempt to communicate with you & you decide that you want to communicate with him & see how it goes. He would be the world's biggest dip-shit, dumb-ass to think he would waltz back in with that stinky ass friend in tow. Don't put up with this type of behavior.

Once you let them get away with something like this that is *so* hurtful not only to you but to the baby & you let him get away with acting like this with no conquences for his actions, he will act like this & do it again some day. I know it because I have lived it !!

Can you call someone to come be with you? Mom, family member, friend? I sure hope so.

cheri1221
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:02 AM

In my case, there was nothing I could do but walk away, luckily we didn't have kids together.  If this guy gets into hubby's head that bad, I hate to say it, but he may not snap out of it.

Quoting shyfox19:

This is exactly what I was thinking. This guy has a kid and doesn't even take care of her at all. I don't know how to make my hubby realize what the hell he is doing right now.

Quoting cheri1221:

Sounds like this friend of his is feeding on your husband's sadness right now.  The friend must be miserable and is using your husband's feelings of what is going on with his job and grandfather to get into his head.  I'm sure the friend is feeding him full of b/s to make him angry at you to get your hubs all to himself.  This happened to me in my first marriage, this is how it ended.  It's f**king disgusting, but this guy is seriously bad news for hubby.  If he continues to hang with him, he's headed down a path of destruction.  I'm sure this friend of his is saying to him "man, she nags constantly, she runs your life, you don't need her shit", stuff along those lines.  I've been there, I can guarantee you that is what's going on.  Hubs is buying into it right now out of his sadness over the job and his recent loss.  Please don't think I'm calling you a nag or anything, but the friend will say bad shit about you to hubs just to be sure he's got your hubs wrapped around his finger.

 


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)