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Christmas eating tips..not for the faint of heart

Posted by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 4:39 AM
  • 9 Replies

Christmas EATING TIPS

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. if something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. as for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.


5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by:


"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 4:39 AM
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Replies (1-9):
FeleciaD
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 4:42 AM

 

I'm going to be cursing you when the Holidays are over and I've gained 300 lbs hahahaha.

143myboys9496
by Gold Member on Dec. 17, 2008 at 4:46 AM

rolling on floormargarita timeeatinghaving chocolate

loved it!!!!!

Kaliemx3
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 4:46 AM


Quoting FeleciaD:

 

I'm going to be cursing you when the Holidays are over and I've gained 300 lbs hahahaha.


I was cracking up when i read this email from my uncle esp the part about the cookies. I will be right there sweating off the 3 pieces of pie and gallon of eggnog off my butt come Jan w/ you! We joined the Y this past summer and I am failing miserably right now...

FeleciaD
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 4:49 AM

Yeah my recent "diet & exercise" isn't working out too well either.  I guess it would if I could follow it haha.  So what the hell let's all eat 3 pieces of pie and hover over the cookies!

Quoting Kaliemx3:

 

Quoting FeleciaD:

 

I'm going to be cursing you when the Holidays are over and I've gained 300 lbs hahahaha.


I was cracking up when i read this email from my uncle esp the part about the cookies. I will be right there sweating off the 3 pieces of pie and gallon of eggnog off my butt come Jan w/ you! We joined the Y this past summer and I am failing miserably right now...


lujenem3
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 4:59 AM

laughingThis reminded me of the Christmas Cookie Rules my dad sent me a few days ago:

1.      If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.

 
 2.      If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
 
 3.      If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend.  Because your friend's first cookie is calories free, rule #1 is yours also.  It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.
 
 4.      Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move.  This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
 
 5.      Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.
 
 6.      Cookies colored red or green have very few calories.  Red ones have three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter.  Make more red ones!
 
 7.      Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
 
 8.      As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
 
 9.      Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate.  We all know how calories like to CLING!
 
10.     Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories.  It's a rule!
 

lujenem3

humboldtmama21
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 4:59 AM
that was great a good laugh

tattooJennifer

Kaliemx3
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 5:02 AM

LOVE those rules too! ROFL...\

 

thanks for sharing! =o)

Quoting lujenem3:

laughingThis reminded me of the Christmas Cookie Rules my dad sent me a few days ago:

1.      If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.

 
 2.      If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.
 
 3.      If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend.  Because your friend's first cookie is calories free, rule #1 is yours also.  It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.
 
 4.      Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move.  This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.
 
 5.      Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.
 
 6.      Cookies colored red or green have very few calories.  Red ones have three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter.  Make more red ones!
 
 7.      Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.
 
 8.      As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.
 
 9.      Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate.  We all know how calories like to CLING!
 
10.     Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories.  It's a rule!
 
 
 
  



 

 


myrtlebeach
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 8:21 AM

Beautiful LOVE IT

Quoting 143myboys9496:

rolling on floormargarita timeeatinghaving chocolate

loved it!!!!!


whiteprincess2k
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 8:26 AM

rolling on floor


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