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Step kids

Posted by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:16 PM
  • 15 Replies

If you are in a relationship where your partners has children. Then this question is for you.

Do you feel second in that relationship behind the kids? Do you ever feel like you don't get enough time with your partner because of the kids? I am looking for honest opinions and don't assume anything about me because of this post.

I am currently in a relationship with a man who has twins full time. The bio mom isn't in the picture. Sometimes I feel like the only way I get alone time is LATE at night. I have to change my schedule and be tired many days to be alone with him. I am struggling with this as I don't want to be tired all the time and I want alone time with him. We see each other twice a week and I have a very busy time. He is with his kids everyday before and after work and on weekends. I have talked to him about it but it didn't seem to change anything. I'm worried that if we don't spend enough time together then the relationship won't work, because you need to spend time to stay interested. I am babbling now, I just want honest input from people in these types of relationships. I know his kids are first but someone once said to me. It is like asking a kid which parent they like best, that can't be answered. These are 2 different relationships and both deserve attention.

by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:16 PM
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Replies (1-10):
Aidensmom02
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:19 PM

Are you living together? Maybe set a side a date night for just the 2 of you. The only thing you can do really is express ur feeling about it to him and hope something will change. Sorry I'm not much help good luck

mommy2twoangel
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:24 PM

I will tell you this.  You either have to accept the fact that he has kids and his kids will come first or walk away.  My DH has kids and although he did not put me "second", he did not put me first either.  I was equal with his kids.  Before we were married, I understood that he had kids and they come first and foremost and I did not ever ask him to change that.  In order for you and him to work, you have to want to be a part of all of their lives not just his.  Try and set a time each week where you and him could go out just the two of you or spend some time hanging out at your place. 

shopaholicmommy
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:26 PM

Not at all. My stepdaughter was 5 when my husband and I started dating and she and I bonded immediately. I have always loved her as my own. She is 15 (16 in April) now and I consider her as much of a blessing as my biological kids and treat them all the same.

SingleMommy271
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:29 PM

We don't live together

Quoting Aidensmom02:

Are you living together? Maybe set a side a date night for just the 2 of you. The only thing you can do really is express ur feeling about it to him and hope something will change. Sorry I'm not much help good luck


kris1975
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:31 PM

His kids should come first.  I know that if my SO had to choose between doing something his kids needed or doing somehing I needed, he'd do what his kids needed.  That is exactly what he should do.  I love him and from the beginning have respected the fact that his kids come first.  If you can't get on board with that you should end the relationship.

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:32 PM

i am not in a relationship, but my ex bf had a son and he actually used his son to push me away.

i prefer not to date fathers. hypocritical? maybe but its just not my thing.

bad_santa_drunk.jpg

Aidensmom02
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:35 PM

She never asked for him to put her before his kids she simple wants a little more time with him. That really is not much to ask.

Aidensmom02
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:37 PM

See what he is willing to do about a date night with just the 2 of you. I know it's hard to not get any time together when your not in the same house

Quoting SingleMommy271:

We don't live together

Quoting Aidensmom02:

Are you living together? Maybe set a side a date night for just the 2 of you. The only thing you can do really is express ur feeling about it to him and hope something will change. Sorry I'm not much help good luck



faerie75
by Ruby Member on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:37 PM

yea i know.

hey OP, try this. stop making an attempt. you have already talked to him about it, so just let him miss you, then make his own attempt. i know we as women tend to talk about stuff. but men learn by doing and experience. so show him how you feel. not to be vindictive, just show him.

Quoting Aidensmom02:

She never asked for him to put her before his kids she simple wants a little more time with him. That really is not much to ask.


bad_santa_drunk.jpg

kris1975
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 2:37 PM

Now that I've reread the post  you're right.  I guess I assumed that when she asked if anyone felt second.  I don't know if asking for more time is too much or not.  Depends on the situation.

Quoting Aidensmom02:

She never asked for him to put her before his kids she simple wants a little more time with him. That really is not much to ask.


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