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Has anyone else went through this?

Posted by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:08 PM
  • 6 Replies

Okay this may be long because I have to explain some things before I can actually get to the point. On May 15 of this year, someone very special to me died in a car accident. I had known him since 3rd grade and we done a lot of sports together and etc together. In high school we ran cross country together and ROTC his family basically became a 2nd family to me. When we reached my junior year and his senior year we decided to date. (I was his first everything) Well it didn't work out and we ended up going to seperate colleges. We talked about getting back together but it never happened. We still did things like a couple would but we were never officially a couple (we sorta had an open relationship) I decided that I actually wanted more and began dating who is now my husband. Nick ended up being quite angry with me but we still talked from time to time.  2 weeks before my wedding I came home and my mother was crying and she told me he had been in an accident and he didn't make it. I rushed to the hospital and as soon as his dad seen me he embraced me and everyone else just got silent....I will never forget the way I felt on that day. I have been going to counseling for this and it's not helping I don't know...I guess I just feel guilty...I dream about him almost every night. I can't seem to get past this. Has anyone else ever been through this? What can I do to over come it? Counseling isn't helping me...and the dreams make it worse. I will tell you guys about my latest dream.

It was like I was in heaven (I know. Weird) and he came to me telling me that he was waiting for me and he loved me and he isn't mad at me. He started to leave and I cried begging him not to go he came back and hugged me then told me he was going to see his mom and dad that he would return soon.

I just needed to tell someone about this. Sorry if it's crazy

by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:08 PM
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by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:10 PM

Its not crazy.  Maybe write him a letter & tell him how you feel???

by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:11 PM

This might sound stupid but, if he came to you in a dream with that message then i'd take it as a sign that he isn't mad and it's ok to move past this. I think it's a good thing you had that dream.

by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:16 PM

He came to you so that you could move on.  He was letting you know that you are OK.  He will be there waiting but you still have a full life to live.  Live it!!!  Its what he would want you to do!  When my Mom passed it took her coming to me before i could let go and move forward!  Remember the good times and the bad.  But proceed on with your life!  You deserve to live a full happy life!

by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:17 PM

I agree - your dreams sounds like a sign from him that's it's ok to move on.  I also agree with the person who suggested writing him a letter.  Maybe putting your thoughts and feelings down on paper will help you figure things out - I know it helps me when I'm confused!

Quoting heidi_val:

This might sound stupid but, if he came to you in a dream with that message then i'd take it as a sign that he isn't mad and it's ok to move past this. I think it's a good thing you had that dream.

by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:19 PM

Thank you all so much. You will never know how much I appreciate it.



by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:20 PM

He was a friend of yours and it is normal to feel grief.  Sometimes grief has a form of guilt as we think there is something we could have or should have done (self defeating langugage) as there is absolutely nothing you could do to change things.  You didn't cause the accident.

Sometimes people feel guilty because they are alive and the person they cared about is not alive.  That is not helpful.  Do you feel guilty thinking that the family feel you should have stayed with him?  If so, then you need to get over it as if you didn't love him romantically, you would not have made one antoher happy.  And you can love someone as a friend, a very good friend and not love them romatntically.  You may even have known him in the pre-existence where you could have been friends and you will likely be friends after the time we have on earth.  it certainly does not mean that you should not continue to live  your life to the fullest here. 

You have a fiance who loves you and you do love him or you wouldn't have chosen him. You are about to get married or just have and you need to devote your attention to him and to turn to the living.  It doesn't mean that you didn't care about the boy who is gone. 

Your dreams may be  based in a false feeling of guilt.  If it were his Spirit coming back and making you feel guilty or that he was coming for you anytime soon,  then he would not be a very good friend and not the man you think that he is so it is not from God and not from the man either.  it is either satan pulling you down, or just your own inappropriate eense of guilt where there is no fault.  it is possible he is saying that you should go on with  your life and he is fine, just as he wants to comfort you and also his parents.  The sooner you can all get on with your lives, the sooner he can learn about his new surroundings as the spirit does not die.  You will see him again when you cross over, but that should be a long time from now.

It sounds as though  you need to get counseling from a psychologist to talk this out and better understand your feelings and work through this.  The psychologist will be educated in death and guilt, etc.  You need grief counseling - not to forget him - but to comfort others and to serve your loved ones, including your fiance, as well as yourself.  The feelings you are feeling are real feelings, but they are negative and can pull you down and you need to look at them in a good way and to realize that there is no guilt deserved and you need to let that go. 

Somtimes with grief we also feel anger - anger at someone if there is someone there or even anger at God for letting it happen.  We may have to work that through as well. 

You rushed to the hospital to meet with family and friends and to comfort one antoher as you were a very good friend of the boy and his family.  There is nothing wrong with that.  However, your misplaced guilt can be a problem and is something you need to handle in an appropriate way and it may take professional assistance to work through it.  Please see the psychologist.  Often insurance will pay for counseling. If you are attending college, there might be a counselor there. 

You do know that in many high schools when a student is killed in a violent way or commits suicide that they provide cousneling to help students work through things just as you are having now, but you aren't yet getting the help you need.  Do it. 

May you be comforted and know that friends and family are forever and we will have the opportunity to see them again.  But may you also realize that you have things to learn and do here as you have your own  new family.

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