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A mother's christmas list. (funny)

Posted by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:44 PM
  • 2 Replies
Merry Christmas!

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on
demand, visited the doctor's office more than my own doctor, sold sixty-two
cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school
playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out -- over several

Since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a
receipt in the laundry room between cycles; and who knows when I'll find
any more free time in the next 18 years, so now - -

*** Here are my Christmas wishes ***

* I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any color, except purple,
which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but
are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the
grocery store.

* I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month
of my last pregnancy.

* If you're hauling big-ticket items this year, I'd like fingerprint
resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television
that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a
refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide
to talk on the phone.

* On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes, Mommy'
to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and
three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power

* I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, 'Don't eat in the
living room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice seems
to be just out of my childrens hearing range and can only be heard by the

* If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough
time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury
of eating food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a
Styrofoam container.

*If you don't mind, I could also use a few miracles to brighten the holiday
season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It
will clear my conscience immensely.

*It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the
house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized
crime family.

Well, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing, and my son saw my feet under the
laundry room door. I think he wants his red crayon back. Have a safe trip
Santa, and remember to leave your wet boots by the door, and come in and
dry off, so you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table,
but don't eat too many or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours always with love and appreciation,


P.S. One more thing . . You can cancel all my requests, if you can keep my
children 'young' enough to believe in Santa.

. . . Santa has asked that this gets passed on to all 'moms' if you wish
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:44 PM
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by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:45 PM


by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 3:58 PM

OMG!!!  loved it! It is soooooo true!!

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