Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

who can cheer me up

Posted by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 10:14 PM
  • 9 Replies

Im having a really bad couple weeks. 1 thing after another. Can any1 cheer me up funny stories, pics anything. Im just so depressed & miserable

by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 10:14 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-9):
morgakasssmommy
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 10:15 PM

 The Blonde Rider
>
>    A  blonde decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no  lessons, nor prior experience.  She mounts the horse unassisted,   and the horse immediately springs into motion.  It gallops along  at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slide from the   saddle.
>
> In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane,  but cannot seem to get a firm grip.  She tries to throw her arms  around the horse's neck, but she slides down the horse's side  anyway.  The horse gallops along, seemingly impervious to its  slipping rider.
>
> Finally, giving up her frail grip,  the blonde attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to  safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup,   she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is   struck against the ground over and over.
>
> As her head  is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from  unconsciousness when to her great fortune.... Frank, the Walmart  greeter, sees her dilemma and unplugs the horse.
>
> And  you thought all they did was say Hello.

To love a person is to learn the song that is in their heart, and to sing it to them when they have forgotten. These are my melodies, Greg & Morgan Kassidy!



Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don't complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don't bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality. Wake Up and Live!
Bob Marley

morgakasssmommy
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 10:16 PM

A Flat Stomach
>

> A little boy walks into his parents' room to see his
> mom on top of his dad bouncing up and down. The mom sees
> her son and qu ickly dismounts, worried about what her son
> has seen. She dresses quickly and goes to find him..
> The son sees his mom and asks, 'What were you and Dad
> doing?'
> The mother replies, 'Well, you know your dad has a big
> tummy and sometimes I have to get on top of it and help
> flatten it..'
> 'Your wasting your time,' said the boy.
> 'Why is that?' the mom asked puzzled.
> 'Well when you go shopping the lady next door comes
> over and gets on her knees and blows it right back up.'
 

Preemie Pictures, Images and PhotosPreemie Pictures, Images and PhotosPreemie Pictures, Images and Photos

raerae1011
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 10:17 PM

supermommie1
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 10:19 PM

~supermommie~
Kellileanne
by Platinum Member on Dec. 17, 2008 at 10:25 PM

There I was, minding my own business, trying to get a cute picture of Caitlin to send to daddy and well, this is what I got!

morgakasssmommy
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 10:27 PM
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:
 
Last weekend I saw something at Larry’s Pistol and Pawn Shop that sparked my interest.The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was
a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser  were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety….??  WAY TOO COOL!
 
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I’d get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between
The prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn’t be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?
There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the
Dir ections and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh and blood moving target.
I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it.She is such a sweet cat.But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised.Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another.
The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would
Purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
All the while I’m looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, ‘no possible way!’
What happened next is almost beyond description, but I’ll do my best…? I’m sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, ‘don’t do it dip shit,’ reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing could n’t hurt all that bad.I decided to give myself a one second burst just
For heck of it.I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . .HOLY MOTHER OF GOD WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . .WHAT THE HELL!!!
I’m pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and ting ling in my legs?
The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.
Note: If you ever feel compelled to ‘mug’ yourself with a taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three second burst would be considered conservative?
THAT HURT LIKE HELL!!!
A minute or so later (I can’t be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace.The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and
Both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling.
Apparently I shit myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair.
I’m still looking for my nuts and I’m offering a significant reward for their safe return!!
P. S.My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it!
 
‘If you think Education is difficult, try being stupid.”

My every breath is for my family, Greg and Morgan Kassidy


 Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect - and I don't live to be. But before you start pointing fingers -- make sure your hands are clean. -- Bob Marley 

JAX_Mami
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 10:30 PM


morgakasssmommy
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 10:31 PM

Doesn't anyone proof read anymore?????????????
>
>                       THE YEAR'S BEST [actual]
HEADLINES OF 2005:
>                       CRACK FOUND ON GOVERNOR'S
>DAUGHTER
>                       [Imagine that!]
>
>                       Something Went Wrong in Jet
Crash, Expert Says
>                       [No, really?]
>
>                       Police Begin Campaign to Run
Down Jaywalkers
>
>                       [ That'll stop 'em. ]
>
>                       Is There a Ring of Debris
around Uranus?
>                       [Not if I wipe thoroughly!]
>
>                       Panda Mating Fails;
Veterinarian Takes Over
>                       [What a guy!]
>
>                       Miners Refuse to Work after
Death
>                       [No-good-for-nothing lazy
so-and-sos!]
>
>                       Juvenile Court to Try
Shooting Defendant
>                       [See if that works any better
than a fair trial!]
>
>                       War Dims Hope for Peace
>                       [I can see where it might
have that effect!]
>
>                       If Strike Isn't Settled
Quickly, It May Last Awhile
>                       [You think?]
>
>                       Cold Wave Linked to
Temperatures
>                       [Who would have thought!]
>
>                       Enfield (London) Couple
Slain; Police Suspect
>Homicide
>                       [They may be on to
something!]
>
>                       Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges
!
>                       [You mean there's
something stronger than duct
>tape?]
>
>                       Man Struck By Lightning:
Faces Battery Charge
>                       [he probably IS the battery
charge!]
>
>                       New Study of Obesity Looks
for Larger Test Group
>                       [Weren't they fat
enough?!]
>
>                       Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas
in Spacecraft
>                       [That's what he gets for
eating those beans!]
>
>                       Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
>                       [Taste like chicken?]
>
>                       Local High School Dropouts
Cut In Half
>                       [Chainsaw Massacre all over
again!]
>
>                       Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot
Doctors
>                       [Boy, are they tall!]
>
>                       And the winner is....
>
>                       Typhoon Rips Through
Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
>


Nothing in the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity.


Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

Martina79
by on Dec. 17, 2008 at 11:09 PM

Thanks Mamas!!!!

U guys r the best

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)