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Questions for Collared Submissives

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:47 AM
  • 19 Replies

I have friends in this lifestyle or on the fringe of it.  And basically their lives are not much different than mine, but on New Years Eve I met a D/s couple that broke my heart.  The other couples I know the women can speak up, they can hug their friends (even male friends).  If I didn't know this about them I wouldn't know by watching them.  With the new couple though, no one can speak to her unless they get permission from him.  No one can touch her at all and if she gets touched and doesn't back away quickly enough she could be punished.  She did not look happy.  He allowed me to ask him a bunch of questions and exhibited how he controlled her behavior.  She can only stand a certain way.  Legs slightly apart, hands down by her side and open...kind of like the 'Story of O' if you have ever read that.  I could not ask her anything.  I eventually had to excuse myself and went to bathroom and cried.  I am very open sexually and if this woman had seemed happy that would be thing, but I just had to wonder how old she was when she got in the lifestyle (I know she has been owned by him for 30 years).  She did not seem like she was choosing to be there more like she had no other choice.  So my questions are...

1) Are any of you controlled this much?  If so does it extend to every aspect/situation of your life like it appeared to in this case?

2) Is her lack of expressive happiness just part of the lifestyle?

3) I read on another Collared post on here of a woman that has been in the lifestyle since she was 14.  Do you know if that is typical?  To me that seems abusive and I have to wonder if this woman was inducted as a child too...if that's the case it doesn't seem like it is free will.  My other friends were all adults (in their 30's) when they started participating in the lifestyle.

Thank you and if anything I said came off offensive that is not my intent!

 

by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
pirate_wife
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:50 AM

*bump for later*

athenax3
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:54 AM

wow, Idk, but I'd be interested in seeing what those who live this lifestyle have to contribute later, so bumpity!


kgsharber
by Gold Member on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:54 AM

First of all, you saound very compassionate & I am sure it made her happy just being in your pressence that night. Secondly, did they have kids?

Sorry I know nothing about the lifestyle.

mferruz
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:59 AM

Thank you.

I don't think so, but I was so wrapped up in trying to understand their dynamics, that I didn't ask.

Quoting kgsharber:

First of all, you saound very compassionate & I am sure it made her happy just being in your pressence that night. Secondly, did they have kids?

Sorry I know nothing about the lifestyle.


PaganMom2285
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 10:06 AM

I've been on both sides of that dynamic. Both a sub and a Dom. I got into it when I was in my late teens. I had a 'Master' who controlled my behavior, made the decisions and treated me like a favorite pet. And it was enjoyable for me. It often depends on the persons personality and preferences. When my Master moved he told me not to allow myself to be dominated again until I found someone who ould do the job as well as he could. Thats when I became a dom. He taught me how to be both while we were together. It's only truely enjoyable to be a dom if you know that the other person is enjoying themselves as well.

What it sounds like with this couple your talking about is an abuser using a sub under the guise of being her 'Master'. It happens when a sub isn't properly trained. They go after the first person who will be their Dom regardless of whether they are a good Dom or not. It's sad. Even more so because she won't try to get away.

richgirljj
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 10:11 AM

The ones I know, keep it in the bedroom.  It might be in a lifestyle format in a subtle way, but the people I know are working professionals who are adults and not jealous people.

mferruz
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 10:22 AM

It felt like an abusive situation to me, but not completely understanding the lifestyle I don't want to jump to conclusions.

Quoting PaganMom2285:

I've been on both sides of that dynamic. Both a sub and a Dom. I got into it when I was in my late teens. I had a 'Master' who controlled my behavior, made the decisions and treated me like a favorite pet. And it was enjoyable for me. It often depends on the persons personality and preferences. When my Master moved he told me not to allow myself to be dominated again until I found someone who ould do the job as well as he could. Thats when I became a dom. He taught me how to be both while we were together. It's only truely enjoyable to be a dom if you know that the other person is enjoying themselves as well.

What it sounds like with this couple your talking about is an abuser using a sub under the guise of being her 'Master'. It happens when a sub isn't properly trained. They go after the first person who will be their Dom regardless of whether they are a good Dom or not. It's sad. Even more so because she won't try to get away.


oimel00
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 10:23 AM

Bump, I still think it's can be a form of mental abuse, people shouldn't be that controlling in a healthy relationship. Bump, not every relationship, but the one you described.

mferruz
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 10:24 AM

This sounds more like my friends that are in the lifestyle.  It primarily impacts their sex life and maybe their interpersonal dynamics at home, but in public you wouldn't know.

Quoting richgirljj:

The ones I know, keep it in the bedroom.  It might be in a lifestyle format in a subtle way, but the people I know are working professionals who are adults and not jealous people.


KimmyShaw
by Ruby Member on Jan. 2, 2009 at 10:27 AM

hmmm i guess I never knew this was a lifestyle, I just thought it was something people do in the bedroom....



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