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Have you ever those days where you just want to jump in front of a moving train?

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:29 PM
  • 17 Replies

This is not something I would actually do, but more and more I really feel like I could. We're broke. I mean broker than broke. Most people who say they are broke have something stashed away in the bank or in a cd or something. Not me, I am literally broke. Dh hasn't worked in weeks. Since he is considered to be self-employed, he can't get unemployment. We don't have a bank account anymore. We owe them $200.00. There is not one penny laying around my house. They've all been cashed in. We are 3 months behind on rent. The electric company just did a 20% rate hike and my last bill was over $300.00. We were averaging just under a $100.00 per month. The water bill is past due. We had to cut the phone, internet and cable (my neighbor is nice enough to let me use their internet). We had to cut garbabge removal and we take it to the dump ourselves.

Everything that comes out of my mouth seems to be wrong in my husbands eyes. EVERYTHING!! It doesn't matter if I am talking about toilet paper or money. For example: about an hour ago dh said he wanted to use one of my cookie sheets for something. I only have 2 so I asked him for how long because I use them a lot. He yells at me telling me I'm jumping all over him. WTF??? Um, I didn't even raise my voice. There was NO attitude. According to him, everytime I say something, I have an attitude. I swear, I could tell him his d&ck looked exceptionally large today and somehow, someway he would say I had an attitude. I have NO ONE to talk to. I have no family. I have like 1 friend and she's not here in the same state as me. I have no friends here where I live. Dh does. I can't go work because we only have one vehicle (a box truck) and I can't drive that thing. I can't do the him drop me off and pick me thing because someone MIGHT call with a job and then my son and I are ass out. I have no one that could watch him. Hell, I can't afford to pay someone to watch him. Besides, I've looked all over the place here and no one is hiring anyway. I swear, if I was still in my 20's, I'd be swinging my ass around that stripper pole. Why not? But, I don't have the body for that anymore.

There's no light at the end of the tunnel. We are basically good people. We don't lie, steal, cheat people out of things. We don't go to bars or do crazy drugs. Why do we keep moving backward when it seems we have been working so hard to move forward? I really wish I had a friend or two here so I could bullshit with the girls once in a while. Men don't understand women's thinking. All they hear is bitch, bitch, bitch.

Gosh, there is so much more but my mind is just so jumbled. Thanks for listening...just really feeling very lonely and depressed.

by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:29 PM
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Replies (1-10):
jballentine
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:32 PM

i know just how you feel if you need someone to talk to and you have yahoo messanger just pm me and i will give you my id and we could talk i hope you are ok. i really mean it if you need someone i am here.

emeraldmajik76
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:34 PM

your husband jumping all over you is probably just because he is just as stressed as you are.maybe more so because he might feel like he is letting yall down.you dont have a neighbor that would watch your kids for free so you can work?it never hurts to ask.

Blondee512
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:35 PM

There is always light at the end of the tunnel. Talk to someone....even if it's a free counselor through your county. Help is out there. Get it.

Good luck.


Amberwavessss
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:36 PM

There's no light at the end of the tunnel.

I'm copying your words here.  I want you to say outloud "There is a light at the other end of the tunnel."  God can work miracles but he needs your cooperation.

 

Look into day labor, you or DH can take turns working any old odd job that comes up until one of you gets a reliable position.

melissa632
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:44 PM

thank you. i had to remove messenger because if a space issue on my computer. but we've taken off so much, i may be able to re-add it. i will try.

Quoting jballentine:

i know just how you feel if you need someone to talk to and you have yahoo messanger just pm me and i will give you my id and we could talk i hope you are ok. i really mean it if you need someone i am here.


TraceNspace
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:46 PM

Believe it or not, you'll make it. People always do, you will find a way!

   click here to follow me to my groups...........

melissa632
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:47 PM

my neighbors are all lucky enough to have jobs. there's is no one right around me and no one is willing to do it for free. i've already explored that option. and you're probably right about dh. but it doesn't make it any easier. if he keeps talking to me like that, he won't have me around to let down. broke or not, i don't deserve to be treated like crap.

Quoting emeraldmajik76:

your husband jumping all over you is probably just because he is just as stressed as you are.maybe more so because he might feel like he is letting yall down.you dont have a neighbor that would watch your kids for free so you can work?it never hurts to ask.


rhondapayne
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:49 PM

i do understand about being "totally broke".    we have been there ourselves.   hubby is probably not mad at you, just stressed and you are the most convenient target.  there are plenty of government programs to help.  some will even help you get a vehicle so that you are able to work.

if you need someone to talk to give me a buzz.  i am on here and on yahoo messenger rspayne57

hugz

Rhonda

Rhonda


melissa632
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:51 PM

thanks! deep down, i know that. but i've never felt so desperate before. i used to be the positive one.

Quoting TraceNspace:

Believe it or not, you'll make it. People always do, you will find a way!


Mellhanks
by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 4:53 PM

Honey everything will work out.  Everyone down Government Assistance but if your that broke then obviously you have no money for food.  They will even help with utility bills this time of year.  You may qualify for section 8 housing to.  Get back on your feet and get some joy in your life then you can get of of all of it.

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