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Not sure how to deal (posted in other group)

Posted by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:14 PM
  • 7 Replies

Hello everyone I am new to this group. Let me start off by telling you my story. I lost my brother 3 months ago on Sept. 30th. He was shot and killed. We still don't have all the answers and the case is still open. He has two daughters one who just turned 8 and one who is 4.Their mother died 4 years ago only 5 days after their youngest was born. So in 4 years these two little girls have lost both their parents. He remarried 4 months before he was killed so these girl have her as a mother now.  I am having a hard time accepting his death and dealing with it. Every time I talk to his wife she makes me cry but I won't allow myself to let it all out I stop myself and hold it inside. I haven't been able to go back to his grave since the funeral. I still want to pick up the phone and call to talk to him but then I realize I can't. This time of year has been hard since we have had thanksgiving, Christmas, his daughters b-day and his b-day all in a row. His birthday was just yesterday. It was so hard to not be able to call and tell him happy bday. It is like I am living in a dream and I haven't been able to accept the fact that he is really gone. I don't know how to deal with this or accept it and I'm not sure that I really want to. I know that I need to some how but not sure that I can. I haven't had a good nights sleep since this has happened and I have been very irritable and mean towards my husband and others. Everyone tells me it will get easier but it hasn't seemed to at all. It seems like it just gets worse. Has anyone else felt this way who has dealt with a loss?

by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:14 PM
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by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:18 PM


Consider talking with a  therapist....just to talk things out.

by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:20 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my dad and I found that once I accepted it, it got easier. One thing that helped me and it may sound totally nuts, but I would talk to his picture and tell him the things I did that day and stuff like that and it helped me. To this day, I still "talk" to him, of course when no one is around.

by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:21 PM

I'm sorry for your loss, I have felt that way my g-ma passed away a few yrs back and it was really hard and still is. The pain will never go away and i will love to say that with time it will get easier and all but I cant. I still have days where i will look at my grandparents photo and just start crying i was little when my gpa passed but it still hurts to this day. I have to force myself to go to their grave and then when i do go all i do is cry. Again i am so sorry for your loss, you and you family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:22 PM

Thanks everyone

by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:27 PM

im sorry for youre loss i know how you are feeling i lost my dad alomost three years ago i still want to pick up the phone to call him all the time it does get easier with time but it would help you to be able to talk to someone expecialy where you dont have the answers to get closure hopefully everyone will be paticent with you because everyone handles greif in there own way good luck and if you need someone to talk to you can pm me

by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:29 PM

I lost my mom to cancer two years ago...

I can tell you that while it does get easier it never goes away!

2 years have gone by and there has not been one day that I have not wanted to pick up the phone and call...and in the first 6 months I did dial the number many times and when my dad answered I hung up...he was not the voice I wanted. I would love to hear my moms voice one more time...or get one more hug... or to see her smile... its been two years and although I know I can never have these things again...I still want them. It is a natural feeling and also part of the greiving process. You are currently in what is considered the denial phase. Each phase comes and goes at different times.

I spent months in a fog...I did not want to talk to anyone or see anyone and I hated when people would say... "It will get better" and "If there is anything I can do for you, just let me know"

and I wanted to yell at them, "Unless YOU have the ability to bring my mother back, then there is NOTHING you can do"

I realize this is what people say because they don't know what else to say or do...but I got SOOOO sick of hearing it!

If you want to talk more, send me a message.

by on Jan. 2, 2009 at 9:40 PM

awww... im sooo sorry for ur loss!  i cant tell you how to deal with the death of your brother, but i wanted you to know you are not in this boat alone. when i was 5 months pregnant my mama passed away from breast and bone cancer. i was afraid to cry or mourn or get upset for fear of loosing the baby me and my hubby had tried for for almost 5 years. my daughter is now 11 months old and i still have not mourned the death of my mama. and im not sure i know how to now.  eveytime i think about my daughter growing up, all i can think about is her growing up without her nan. and everytime someone takes a picture of her i know that i will never have a picture of my mama holding my little girl.  i dont know how to deal with the death of my mama, im sorry that i can not help you, but i wanted u to know that u r not alone. if u need to talk u can always pm me. ull be in my thoughts and prayers.



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