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Question on etiquette, help me out ladies

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:37 AM
  • 17 Replies

Ok so this is something I saw somewhere else and I wanted to get everybodies opinions. My mom always taught me growing up that if somebody gives you a gift you say thank you even if its something you do not want, like or need. 

My oldest daughter is 3 and she has in the past received gifts that I didnt agree with but at the moment we just said thank you and later hid the gift where our daughter could not find it. The people who gave her the gift didnt mean any harm and I am grateful that they thaught of my daughter but I didnt feel the need to tell them that I gave it away or didnt want them giving her that particular gift which I actually think was just a Bratz doll. 

The instance that I read about that really irked me is this one mom said she specifically put it in her invitations not to gift a certain item but some people did it anyway. Ok that is dumb but then she went on to say that she intentionally blogged about how she gave these items away on a site where these friends and family members could read it. 

I just think that that was so rude and uncalled for.  People have continued to give my daughter certain things that I dont want her to have but I would never dream of saying to them "hey I dont want her having those so stop giving them to her" I feel like that is rude and hurtful and maybe even snooty. 

Like I said this is my outlook on it but I am curious to see how everybody else handles this issue or what your take is on it.

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:37 AM
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by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:40 AM

I would do exactly like you would. I would thank the gift giver and hide it later from my child.


by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:40 AM

thats the polite thing to do, take it and say thank you anyway! but some people are just brutaly honest!

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:41 AM

I agree with you.  Proper etiquette is to smile and say thank you no matter what the gift.  If you love it great, if not, then you should still say thnk you because at some point the giver thought you would really like.  It isnt always the gift, but the thought behind it that makes it worth it.

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:41 AM

While I'm with you when the gifts are given in ignorance of the parents preferences, I have to disagree on the other situation.  When someone has specifically asked people not to give a certain gift and they do it anyway, it shows disrespect and disregard for the parents child-rearing choice.  In that instance, I do not think it would be rude to refuse the gift or give it away if they insisted on leaving it.

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:48 AM

Quoting mom2Hayleigh:

I would do exactly like you would. I would thank the gift giver and hide it later from my child.

that example you sited... the woman was very rude and nasty

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:49 AM

Well... this is just another example of common courtesy going out the window! My kids know very well that they should be greatful for EVERYTHING they recieve, be it gifts or even hand me downs. To purposely alienate people for thinking of your child is downright rude, none the less put anything about what you expect as a gift in writing at al!!! I was appalled when my neighbor actually had the nerve to tell me that they registered their daughter for her birthday party..... NO WAY IN HELL would I ever even think about that. Frankly, the only inkling I tell anyone about any sort of gift is if they want to know what the kids want or like, they ask them, or I just give them a VERY general idea.... IE: they're into Hannah Montana this year, or, they like making things etc..... whoever this woman is has alot of nerve and VERY LITTLE TACT.

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 12:07 PM


by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 12:27 PM

I would have done exactly what you did. In fact, I do the same thing--and the gifts I have done this with were also Bratz dolls ! (ugh--who can stand those?) Anyway, yes, that action of that mother was uncouth and uncalled for. Obviously no one taught her as you were taught, so I actually feel sorry for her because she looks bad. Forgive her rudeness and move on :) You are lucky your mom taught you this stuff--lots of girls are not as fortunate to be raised with manners. :)

Have a great day-


by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:44 PM

i think that as far as the asking not to get a specific gift goes, it depends who you are saying/writing reqesting that of... because if you are best friends with someone, or family (and close) i think it is ok to ask that they not get a particular item... and if they do get that , after being asked not to, they should know that the child isnt going to get to keep it, and they were rude for going against what the parents asked. an easy example i can think of (although not the same) is that we its fine and wonderful that my parents buy clothes for my kid, but clothes are not a present. so if they want to get her a present and wrap it for her birthday or christmas or whatever, please dont wrap clothes. if this means that she has one or two less presents to unwrap and gets a few new outfits that is fine with me. i dont mind, and my parents are ok and understand... clothes arent fun for little kids to open! ...but, on the otherhand, i would never tell a friend or someone else that they shouldnt get my kid clothes... that would be rude.

but, i also have no problem telling my mother in-law that no she cannot buy dolls for my soon to be born son. and i have no problem telling my gramma-in-law that she doesnt need to buy my daughter certain things (which is not being rude, but saving her money and time that she would spend on things that would end up at goodwill.)

i guess i am just saying that asking for people not to get a specific item is not really that rude, maybe not good if it isnt done tactfully, but not rude. BUT, other than that, it is rude not to say thank you. and just be appreciative.honestly, if someone bought something we didnt want, we would return it and spend that money on a different toy or whatever.

oh, and as far as registering, i dont think that is bad or rude, you arent required to buy off of the registry, it is just a helpful way to let you know what kind of things that they really would like. as long as they dont get upset if they dont get stuff off of the registry, its not rude, but helpful.

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 2:47 PM

i completely agree with you. but at the same time i sort of nudge my friends on what i don't like for my son, usually it's loud toys or things that i don't think are good for his age. but i would never say anything after they gave the gift.

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