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how do you tell non-supporative family members??

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 4:33 AM
  • 8 Replies

when you're expecting?? My in-laws basicly told me after we got pregnant the first time "one out of wedlock baby is forgiveable, but two would be damnable"

But now we both feel it's time for another and have been TTC, but it didn't hit me until today that I don't know how I would tell them? Or how they would react...I know it doesn't really matter, we are doing what is best for the 4 of us, however I would be devastated if they didn't love this baby, or wern't excited about this pregnancy... :(


I know they will get over it once the new baby comes...I hope..who could be mad when there's a new baby involved?

lastly, we've talked about just getting married real quick and then being like "hey we're pregnant" and they'd say something along the lines of "ooh, how dare you get pregnant out of wedlock again" and we could say "haha jokes on you, we've been married for weeks!" lol, but it's just kind of something we joke about. He wants a BIG wedding, and we're almost half-way to our wedding goal! ($$ speaking)...


by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 4:33 AM
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by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 4:39 AM

Haha, I sent out emails! lol!  We're expecting baby #3 in August, and due to a financial rut we were in I didn't think it'd go over well, especially with all the money we had borrowed from family to get by til things started looking up.  Long story short, I told them if they had anything negative to say they'd better keep it to themselves because what's done is done, and no amount of bitching or questioning would change it. It actually worked really well for me.

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 4:41 AM

tell them to piss off IMHO  if they can't be supportive of you guys then screw 'em.  If they can't understand that you guys are saving for a big wedding, and you two ARE planning on getting married, and he's not leaving you with the kids and running off or vice versa, then who are they to judge you?

Basically, what I'd do is get together for lunch, or something else, and just sit down with them and say something along the lines of "I know you don't agree that we're having children out of wedlock, however, we are saving for our wedding and we felt the time was right for us to add another member to our family. If you want to be supportive and helpful, we'd appreciate any help or advice you can give, however, if you're going to be judgemental and condescending, then we'd appreciate it if you kept it to yourselves.  This is not a time in my life that I need added stress of worrying about how awful you think this is, so if that's all you have to say, again, please keep it to yourselves."

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 4:42 AM

Iknew my family wouldn't be supportive when I found out I was pregnant with DS. I finally told them at the half-way mark. (We had only known for 3 months by then anyways.) I finally just called them all up and told them. It hurt to hear them be so disappointed in me. Unwed, dropped out of college, etc.; but once they saw him they were over it and haven't mentioned it since.

 I say just bite the bullet and tell them. Don't let their reaction get to you. It is a joyous event and time. I wish I hadn't worried about it so much because it ruined my pregnancy for me.

Congrats on the newest addition!

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 5:22 AM

Me and Dh were together 3 months when I got imagine telling that lol....We went to my parents and said.. I'm can be a part of this child, your granchilds, life or not its up to you. They both gave us a hug and said.. I'm too young to be grandparents (just jokingly)

by Bronze Member on Jan. 21, 2009 at 5:38 AM

My parents were supportive but not my in-laws. Especially dh's mom. We had 2 children already and when we first told her that I was pregnant she was very mad and upset. We were married already for almost 11 years. Who was she to tell us anything anyway. She said that she would have nothing to do with this baby and guess what? She loves her to death! So after the intial shock wears off they should be okay with it and if not too bad. 

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 6:35 AM

Being legally married isn't really that important.  What really matters is being married in your heart.  I know couples who will probably NEVER get legally married, but they have been emotionally married for years.  You'll always have to deal with people not supporting your decisions, but it doesn't really matter what they think anyways.

If you're thinking of getting married soon, you can always have a very small wedding now and then have the big reception later down the road.  There's no law that says you have to have the wedding and the reception on the same day, or even in the same year!

by Drill Sergeant Mommy on Jan. 21, 2009 at 6:44 AM

I would not tell them at all...

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 7:02 AM

For me it was my own family that was unsupportive.  I was barely 18 when I called my mom up and told her I was pregnant with our first.  She didn't speak to me for months but by the end of the pregnancy she was picking me up (I lived 2 hours away) and bringing me back to where she lived for my doctor appts (it was the nearest major hospital).  She loved her grandson, of course, but that didn't change the fact that she still hated my now-hubby.  So when we got pregnant with #2, we were still unmarried, but I thought if I gathered everyone up and told them in a public place it would be better..... so I told them while we were out to eat..... my mom, grandma, sister, and brother's wife..... my mom yelled and screamed in my face all these horrible things and I had to grab my oldest and run out of the restaurant in tears.  It was awful.  Did she come around?  Of course.  But to react that way was pathetic and so hurtful.  Does she love her grandsons?  Absolutely.  Does she still hate my hubby... yep, she didn't even come to our wedding on 6/7/08. 
So anyway, that got a little long, but maybe you could do something cute like take a picture of your oldest holding a sign that says "I'm Going to be a Big Sister!" and mail it to everyone.  And then just wait for them to call for the details.  Whatever you do, don't let it stress you out, because that stresses the little one in your belly!  Congratulations and good luck!  I know it's tough and it sucks but if you want your big wedding, then that's how you should do it.... not just do a quickie in the courthouse to please everyone else.  I'm so glad I waited for my dream wedding, it's definitely worth it!

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