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I have no idea how to deal with this..

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:39 AM
  • 4 Replies

My cousin is 27 and her parents and her have lived 8 hours away in Kentucky for as long as i can remember. Her dads job is what made them move so far. Both of her parents families are still here in Va. My uncle(her dad) mom died this past fall and it really hurt him. They came in for Christmas and he seemed to be doing well. My cousin requested me as a friend on Myspace. Since they lived so far away we werent really close growing up, but now that we have our separate lives we can catch up. She messaged me yesterday with a title "hurt".. i didnt know what to expect when i read it, but i was totally got off guard when she said her dad was filing for a divorce. She said my aunt isnt taking it so well and crying all the time, and to keep from crying she just sleeps. Its so not like her to be like this.. and it kills me that she hasnt told anyone. She doesnt want to tell my dad (her brother) or her parents.. and my cousin asked me if i would keep quiet about it. I just dont know what to say or do. I want to tell my dad so bad because i know he would go to the end of the world for his family even just for a shoulder to cry on.. she needs her family right now and i feel bad for not letting anyone know. I'm afraid this could just all end horribly. They have been together for 40 years.. and now that they are in their 50's he is asking for a divorce? It just scares me to think that someone could love you for that long and then just stop. My cousin said her dad was supposed to come home and talk to her but he called and said he wasnt going to and that he wasnt sure when he would be back. It's just all wrong. This isnt how its supposed to be. I have never dealt with this before. I dont know anyone who has been through a divorce. I want to help but feel like all im doing is holding back people who can help. My cousin did tell me that pictures of my daughter make her smile. She showed her all the pictures on my myspace of my daughter and it made her stop crying for a little bit. We went out to eat last night with my parents and i could hardly look at him.. like he would be able to tell that i was hiding something..  Its just eating at me and its all i can think about. I'm glad that she was able to confide in me, but i wish there was some kind of preperation before i was told.. sorry if this is so long and a mess.. i just cant believe this is happening.

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:39 AM
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by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:56 AM

I am sorry for all that news.. divorce is hard at any point in a marriage.. first it is great that your cousin decided to do a vent.. think about how nice it feels to get the emotions out of your head after a vent here on cafemom land. Just getting it out helps! I have to say honor her request and keep it as she wants.. and just be suportive the best you can.

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 1:29 PM

Thanks.. i plan on keeping quiet, but it is really hard. I hope this all works out.

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by Ruby Member on Jan. 21, 2009 at 4:49 PM


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by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 4:51 PM

I would have my dad call her just to see how things are, etc. You should "tell him" without actually telling him. i.e., letting him know something may be wrong--maybe she will open up.

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