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Is it ok that I don't feel happy for her??

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 7:44 PM
  • 19 Replies

I raised my sil since the age of 13 and she's now 18. This past year in Aug I told her to get her stuff and leave and go back to her mom's. She was being disrespectful to me and dh and was persuing a relationship behind our backs and getting into trouble because of it. Anyways long story short she left her moms and lives with her b/f now. Me and her are on good terms.I told her she couldn't continue to live in my house because I wanted her to go to college and work which she didn't persue.

Anyways today I found out she's pregnant. I cant help but feel disappointed. She's like a daughter to me I raised her for most of her teenage years. I am trying to be happy for her but it's hard. I really feel like I failed as a mother/woman and didn't teach her anything which i did. I know her being pregnant doesn't make her a bad person but I really would have liked for her to do something with her life.  Am I wrong ??

sad

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by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 7:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
thisnametaken
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 7:47 PM

No, you're not wrong to feel that way.  You wanted more for her than it looks like she is pursuing out of life.

That said, I did the same thing to my mom, got pregnant when I was 20, hadn't finished college.  My daughter is 18 now.  It all works out in the end.

I'm a toe-stubbing, coffee drinking, loud laughing, chocolate addicted, chunky mom with a totally inappropriate sense of humor.
Educated moms don't ASSume that parenting choices are one size fits all.

Brooke501
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 7:47 PM

No you are not wrong for not being happy for her. In time I think your feelings will change and you will be happy.

A.J.s_mommy
by Ruby Member on Jan. 21, 2009 at 7:48 PM

Its not your fault, and it is natural to feel that way.  Just be there for her to talk and stuff.

momcat437
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 7:49 PM

You did the best you could, and you can't live her life for her.  Just say a prayer for her and hope she grows up enough to start making the right decisions...

ErikaM27
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 7:50 PM


Quoting Brooke501:

No you are not wrong for not being happy for her. In time I think your feelings will change and you will be happy.

I think so too. I feel like me and dh wasted our time trying to give her a better life than her mother did and to end up like this I feel like maybe she would have been at her moms she would have done this there and me and dh would have been able to be newlyweds. It's just hard i guess can't take back time but just the fact that we sacrificed a lot for her we really are disappointed.

Abby28
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 7:50 PM

there is nothing wrong with what your feeling. But whats done is done. Make the most of the situation. Think about your niece or nephew growing inside of her.

When I found out I was pregnant I knew my grandparents would be disapointed in me. But I told them that I didn't want my pregnancy to be a bad thing. I wanted them in my childs life.

in lovetoddler girl

ErikaM27
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 7:51 PM


Quoting momcat437:

You did the best you could, and you can't live her life for her.  Just say a prayer for her and hope she grows up enough to start making the right decisions...

You're right. I'm trying to be supportive since I'm the only one she has..

SxyPanamami83
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 7:51 PM

whoever said that just because shes pregnant she isnt going to make something of herself?

Abby28
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 7:52 PM

I was living with my grandparents and was 20 when I found out i was pregnant.

Quoting Abby28:

there is nothing wrong with what your feeling. But whats done is done. Make the most of the situation. Think about your niece or nephew growing inside of her.

When I found out I was pregnant I knew my grandparents would be disapointed in me. But I told them that I didn't want my pregnancy to be a bad thing. I wanted them in my childs life.


in lovetoddler girl

3earthangels
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 7:52 PM

You're not wrong, I don't think I would be happy either. It's tough (but not impossible) to go to college & work when you're a mom and I'm sure you just wanted her to have her ducks in a row. Try as you may to prevent things, people still make their own desicions.

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