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Advice on a very serious situation?

Posted by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:22 PM
  • 30 Replies

This might be long, but I need to give a little back info....

My ex and I split when my son was just under 2 years old.  Within the week he started dating the girl who was our room mate. 

Little history on this girl:  She has a daughter who was taken away and put into foster care due to neglect.  The daughter now lives out of state with her grandfather.  She has a son who at the time was just under 1, who had cerebral palsy.  She has no idea who the fathers of either child are, in fact for over 2 years she claimed her daughter's dad was this one guy, while in foster care they did a DNA test and it wasn't him.  During the time she was our room mate I watched her constantly neglect the kids, it was always up to me to care for them, if I hadn't they never would have been fed, changed, bathed, even hugged.  To let you know how bad it was, when the daughter was taken away for the first time at 2 years old, she weighed 16 pounds.  She has perminant scarring around her vagina from diaper rash. 

So, after I left him.....the courts gave him every weekend visitation as well as a few hours every wednesday night.  Now, when he and I were together, he had NO parts of caring for our son.  Maybe changed 3 diapers his whole life.  So I knew that the new g/f would be the one caring for (read NOT caring for) my son.  I fought it in court, the judges never really cared.  Things kept happening like my son coming home starving, dirty, exhausted.  Once he wandered away from the house, unnoticed, crossed a busy road, and some old people had to stop and pick him up and take him back.  One day I get a call from CPS wanting to know if my child is with me and if he's ok.  They'd gotten a complaint about kids being in a bedroom window at the ex's house crying for days, then one of the kids was no longer seen in the wondow.  My son was with me, but I got very upset, told my ex that if he wanted to see our son it had to be for dinner visits at his sister's house, and he could take me back to court if he wanted more.  Took him to the sister's house for the dinner visit one night, my ex refused to return him.  3 horrible days later I got an order signed by a judge for his return, went there with the police and got my son back.  I posted then about that awful experience, some of you may remember.  When he came home he was in a diaper, even though he'd just finished potty training.  I noticed when I took it off that he had bruises inside his thighs.  He told me "M**** (the g/f) pinched me."  That night when I put him to bed he was suddenly terrified of the dark, he never had been before.  My GUESS is that she locked him either in the dark basement, or closet, or possibly a toy box.  My son doesn't like to talk about it.  After the kidnapping, I didn't hear from my ex for a wonderful 6 months or so.  Then he took me back to court, lied, and said he'd been calling me and I wouldn't answer the phone.  He was given his every weekend and wednesday night back.  After a while I was able to get him to agree to 3 out of every 4 weekends, we signed an agreement to that effect.  Slowly he lost interest and saw him less and less.  Fine with me.

 Finally, him and the g/f split.  They'd had another baby, a little boy.....but he found out that the kid's not his.  He's now semi-homeless.  He works more or less 24 hours a day, and showers and naps at his boss's house.  He hasn't spent any time lately with my son.  He saw him for a few hours on Christmas at his parent's house, and again on my son's birthday at his parent's house.  Nothing since.  My son doesn't like to go with him anyway, but when he does go he doesn't throw a big fit like he was for a while there.

Now the issue.....today my mom took my son to lunch.  In the car on the way, my son told her "M**** tied me to a chair."  Obviously this was a long time ago, since he hasn't seen her for months and months.  My mom asked if he'd told me, and he said no.  He also told her that he had to go potty and she wouldn't let him up and he peed his pants.  Now, he just turned 4.....he's very smart, but I'm not sure a kid that age can make up lies like that.  I believe him. 

My question is, short of tracking her scrawny ass sown and killing her, which is what I want to do, what are my options?  I realize pressing charges for child abuse is a very difficult thing to make stick, especially when the only witness is a 4 year old.  And since he doesn't like to talk about it, he could well freeze up and refuse to say anything.  I had him in counseling for a while, and he told them a few things she'd done, but not much.  I'm a little lost here.  I want my son to get on with his life and feel safe.  I want her to pay for what she did to him.  I don't know if I can have both.

I know this was long, if you made it this far, thank you.

by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:22 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mooremom
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:25 PM

I am not sure what you can do. You could call the non emergency line to file a charge, I guess??? sorry i am no help here, but here is a bump

Mimislove
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:26 PM

Immediately, get him into therapy. For starters to deal with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And secondly, so that he will repeat this to another adult. Let them turn it in. Let them go to bat for your son in court.

A person in this position carries a lot of weight in court.

Good luck.

maddiemom
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:29 PM
I'm sorry that I don't have any advice for you, but I am sorry for you and your son. It might help him to take him to counseling, so he can at least talk to someone who is trained on helping children through difficult situations like this.


RmeWifey01
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:29 PM

I would stalk her ass!!! But then that is me.....(big grin!  =)

aidensmommy1105
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:29 PM

I am so sorry that happened to your son..and you. I really don't know what to say. I have read that children don't really remember anything beofer the age of 3. i am glad that he won't have to be around her anymore.

also, i would keep your phone bills, so if for some reason you and your ex go back to court he can't lie about calling cuz you'll have proof.

MissiHampt
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:30 PM

He was in therapy for a while, but never really opened up to them.  Like I said, today was the first time he mentioned being tied to a chair.  He's said she pinched him, spanked him on the bottoms of his feet, put him in the dark, and got cigarette ashes in his eye (no doubt that was accidental, but it's also in the court order that there is no smoking around him).

Quoting Mimislove:

Immediately, get him into therapy. For starters to deal with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. And secondly, so that he will repeat this to another adult. Let them turn it in. Let them go to bat for your son in court.

A person in this position carries a lot of weight in court.

Good luck.


monkeysmom21006
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:31 PM

I don't really have any advice for you. I do agree that he's probably telling the truth. I don't know if 4 year olds are capable of making up that kind of lie, especially when the person the lie is about has a history of neglect and/or abuse. I'm sorry that happened to your son. I hope he can feel safe soon.


Expectingpeanut
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:32 PM

First let me say that I am VERY sorry that you and your son are having to go through this.  I don't know what you can do about it.  But here is a BUMP hopefully someone can help you!  And don't beat her ass because then you will be in jail and that is bad..lol..  good luck

elijiahsmomma
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:32 PM

Honetly,  would contact the county attorney's office and ask them what you can do.  If that doesn't work, personally, I would go find her and beat the shit out of her.  Then I would sew her coochie closed so that she couldn't reproduce anymore.  Im so sorry for your poor little boy.  I wish I could beat her up for you.

MissiHampt
by on Jan. 21, 2009 at 8:32 PM

You have no idea how bad I want to.  But me going to jail for murder leaves my son in the custody of his father and the next bimbo he decides to hook up with.....

Quoting RmeWifey01:

I would stalk her ass!!! But then that is me.....(big grin!  =)


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