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My "father"....

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 12:06 PM
  • 10 Replies

My “father” left my mother when I was 4 and my sis was 2. He was never a father from the beginning and he rarely made an effort. When I would come over to visit he would pawn me off on his girlfriends. So once my Mom found that out I wasn’t aloud over there. So I am now 22 years old, I see him on occasions like Christmas or thanksgiving and that’s only because I go to my grandma’s house. My sister is mentally disabled and he really has had nothing to do with her, he told me there’s an issue with that! Wtf is the issue; maybe because you are a deadbeat and cant handle her? Well ever since I had Ariana he has wanted to be a grandfather and has the nerve to call himself that, he still has no desire to want to be in my sisters life or mine. He has been on drugs prob the entire time ive been alive and I don’t want anything to do with him! My grandma (his mom, who I am really close to) wants me to give him a chance! I just don’t think I can but she is getting upset that I wont! Do you think I am being mean and should give him a chance after all these years??

by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 12:06 PM
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Replies (1-10):
M0M0F03
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 12:10 PM

If it was me, it would depend on the man he is now. Only you truly know the situation, so only you can decide. Try to figure out if your just trying to hurt him now or not, because if you are, you might be holding something special from your daughter. Good luck. I guess, I have no good advice. Sorry :)

AllforColin
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 12:12 PM

That's a tough one...maybe let him see her once in awhile....but first I would make it clear to him how I felt about how he has treated you and your sister! He really needs to be held accountable for that! Also I would make him earn the privilege of being a grandfather,,,at the first sign of his pulling his old games I would shut the door on him! He doesn't get to hurt her too!

                                                                  

TalaziaMae
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 12:19 PM

Umm no..


lvnmylif
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 12:24 PM

I don't have a relationship with either one of my parents.  I do think you should give him A chance.  One and that is it.  If he screws it up it is going to be better for your child to not have him as an influence anyway.  Both of my parents had countless opportunities to do the right thing and they never did.  It isn't worth the heart ache to keep going back for more but  you never know unless you try.  Lay down some firm ground rules and let him know this will be on your terms or nothing at all.  If he is on board with it then see how things go.

mommytotaylor
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 12:29 PM

my real dad was the same way, left when i was not even a year old and my brother was 7, threaten to kill my mom,brother and myself when i wasn't even born yet,  and never had anything to do with us, the only reason he did was when the court made him and theni was soo damn scared of him i would shack the whole time, well after many years i finally foundhim and went to see him and he was fine for a lil while like a month or so and then he threatened to "take my whole family down" his words, and i was like 5 months pregnant if not farther and i called the cops and shit on him cause he was serous about it, well i moved and hope he doesn't find me, so i guess i would see how your dad is and if you still dont want to give him a chance after then dont, goodluck

seniortmb07
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 12:29 PM

If he will her hurt, don't let him come around.
My bio dad left my mom with nothing but bills to pay & 4 kids to raise on her own when I was 5. He never tried to be a dad when he was around. I'm lucky to never have to see him. But yesterday he called my bro up to tell him he was in town. (Bio dad is a truck driver but lives in IND) My bro askes me if my bio dad can come see me & the baby. I said yes as long as someone is here with me. (My bio dad did somethings that causes me not to want to be alone with him.) I wish now I would have just said no, I don't want my bio dad anywhere around me or my son.

PookieMama13
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:40 PM

I think I will just see how it goes and Give him just 1 chance!

Quoting mommytotaylor:

my real dad was the same way, left when i was not even a year old and my brother was 7, threaten to kill my mom,brother and myself when i wasn't even born yet,  and never had anything to do with us, the only reason he did was when the court made him and theni was soo damn scared of him i would shack the whole time, well after many years i finally foundhim and went to see him and he was fine for a lil while like a month or so and then he threatened to "take my whole family down" his words, and i was like 5 months pregnant if not farther and i called the cops and shit on him cause he was serous about it, well i moved and hope he doesn't find me, so i guess i would see how your dad is and if you still dont want to give him a chance after then dont, goodluck


milmiracle
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:48 PM

I don't know and only u know what u should do.  What u should bear in mind is that god forbid he was to die tomorrow, what will u feel then.  If u feel u wont have any regrets than by all means but if u think u might feel bad for being that way then u still have time to make amends.  I can probably see the issue w/ your sister since I have a mentally disable daughter but that has nothing to do w/ u.  That is between your dad and your mom.  I understand that u probably feel for your sister, r hurt at the fact that he doesn't care for her too much or helped your mom out w/ her but again all of that is going to seem petty once he's passed and u realize your relationship w/ him and your children's has nothing to do w/ theirs.  IDK if this helps, good luck. 

ju-jusmommy
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:52 PM

I think u should give him 1 chance, a lot of people are better grandparents than parents.  If he screws up once then he's done, but give him one shot.  Good Luck

Quoting lvnmylif:

I don't have a relationship with either one of my parents.  I do think you should give him A chance.  One and that is it.  If he screws it up it is going to be better for your child to not have him as an influence anyway.  Both of my parents had countless opportunities to do the right thing and they never did.  It isn't worth the heart ache to keep going back for more but  you never know unless you try.  Lay down some firm ground rules and let him know this will be on your terms or nothing at all.  If he is on board with it then see how things go.


lilspoiledbaby
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:59 PM

Everyone deserves a chance.  Give him a chance and if he hurts you then end it.  I gave my "FATHER" a chance and he blew it.  Good Luck and I hope it works out for you hun.

    Mommy to 4 boys!!!!



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