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Very long vent, I really need to let off some steam concerning dh

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 2:31 PM
  • 9 Replies

Dh just let me know he thinks we need counseling because I am not supporting him and his issues. I try to but the thing is I am so overwhelmed most of the time and the "issues" he has don't really seem like issues to me. Maybe I am being selfish,  I don't know.

shrugging

First of all, I am the provider in the house. I pay all of the bills as of right now. He has worked about 3 months in the past year. That is stressful in itself. His mother passed away last June which is one of the main reasons for his unemployment since he was busy taking care of her and later grieving. Very understandable although it didn't make the situation any easier.

simple frown

I work full time and go to school part time. While I am at work I don't really know what goes on at home but on my days off I observe dh ignoring the kids most of the time playing on the computer. It's hard to say anything since I do it as well some evenings when I get home from work because I am too exhausted to deal with anything. I just wonder what my dd's day is like. She is very behind in speech. She is two and says around 37 words. I can't help to think it is due to lack of interaction during the day.

sad

Also, I spend the majority of my days off studying or cleaning. During the week dh does little picking up or cleaning. We were trying to move which didn't work out so we decided to stay here. To make the best of it I have been doing house projects to make the house more livable. None of which dh has helped with. While I was fixing drywall he was sitting at the computer. Then he got a call from one of his cousins to go out to lunch which he jumped at the chance to do. Fine whatever.

banging head into wall


His cousins (both female) are constantly calling and wanting to hang out. The oldest one recently moved from Arizona and has a bag full of issues. She literally calls my house 10 times a day. She recently came by unannounced. One of my biggest pet peeves. The younger one isn't so bad but she is also very dependent on dh. Both of them lean on him all of the time. He turns around and vents to me about how unfair things are for them. Not to sound heartless but their problems are NOT my problems.

frustrated

Dh's biggest issue right now is that his dad is dating his aunt (mother's sister). He never had much of a relationship with his dad and around the time his mother passed away they got back into contact. He stayed with us for a week in July which is when he and dh's aunt started a relationship. Dh just found out about it and it very angry with both of them. Very understandable. However, when dh tries to talk to me about it I close down because of everything else going on. I feel like my life is filled with drama and stress. None of which is really my own. I just want to be happy and move forward.

surrender

So many thoughts about leaving so my life will be easier run through my head all the time. I am caring for four people (including my ss) and it would be much easier only caring for two. I don't know what to do. I don't know if I am just scared to try it by myself or I am just not ready to let go. I know life is never simple but since I met him things have gone  downhill. He constantly complains that I am no fun and always in a bad mood. I wonder why! I hate the person I am right now but I feel it is impossible to loosen up because I am the only one holding everything together.

crying

Sorry this was so long! Thank you for listening...

blowing kisses


by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 2:31 PM
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Replies (1-9):
allensavannahs
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 2:38 PM

hugsi wish i had some sound advise for you. I lost my mom was a year ago last dec. I too shut down, the bad thing abou that is  I"M the provider LOL, so eek life went to pot, DH not supportive ..his idea sof suppost is staying outta my way.....

I guess I wish Dh would have talked to me more about what I was doing or lack there of, helped me by leading,

So I guess I'm saying to you to talk to him, maybe express that while you do understand (even if you dont) that there is a family still here that needs his attention and affection....

maybe? so you can do this

instead of this







boy n girlexpecting boy

I'm a Mother, Wife , Friend. Granddaughter, Neice, Aunt , Nerd, but most of all i'm ME.

psychic test results

TraciH
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 2:38 PM

wow, you sure have your hands full lately. i'm sorry. i think the fact that your hubby is mentioning counseling is a plus. that means he wants to work things out instead of giving up like quite a few men do. maybe you should go. it couldn't hurt, right? if you have any shred of love left for him, do all you can to save your marriage. i wish you the best.

1509-TraciH-1.gif picture by music91194

lovinmommiehood
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 2:39 PM

Man, 16 views and noone can help her out? Must not be enough drama.

Anyway...I am really sorry you are going through this. I have the same problem with DH playing on the computer and not really paying attention to the kids, but I am a SAHM so I just spend time with them. I am not sure what the best thing for your situation is, but I would say to try counseling--it can't hurt, and then if it doesn't work you won't feel like deciding to leave was a hasty decision. Good luck and pm me if you want to talk!!

hugs

cassielee_83
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 2:44 PM

they way i see it is that your bitter and angry because of the position you've been put in. you are a single working mother with a crappy babysitter at this point. because your resentful and a little pissed you probably treat him with hostility and don't even realize you're doing it. (don't get me wrong i'd be a bitch too) the problem is he is seeing it as one more thing on a laundry list of things that is making his life miserable. so he wants to blame it on you because you're the problem he can see. honestly it sounds like he's suffering from depression, i think if he wants to seek counseling by all means he should do that. you need to find nice way to tell him that it isn't couples counseling that is needed. that you are doing all you can for your family right now, and that things will get better for every one if he could get out of this funk.

fairymom2316
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 2:49 PM

i agree

Quoting cassielee_83:

they way i see it is that your bitter and angry because of the position you've been put in. you are a single working mother with a crappy babysitter at this point. because your resentful and a little pissed you probably treat him with hostility and don't even realize you're doing it. (don't get me wrong i'd be a bitch too) the problem is he is seeing it as one more thing on a laundry list of things that is making his life miserable. so he wants to blame it on you because you're the problem he can see. honestly it sounds like he's suffering from depression, i think if he wants to seek counseling by all means he should do that. you need to find nice way to tell him that it isn't couples counseling that is needed. that you are doing all you can for your family right now, and that things will get better for every one if he could get out of this funk.



Missing you everyday. See you in my dreams....come_home


JennRN09
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 2:52 PM

Sounds to me like your DH has some unfinished grieving and other unresolved issues that DO need some counseling.

I think that it would best for you both to go-more for him-sounds like he may be going through a lot on the inside, and being the typical male, doesn't want to talk about it and its being reflected onto your guys' relationship, how he treats the kids, and around the house.

So,  I wouldn't make this a "who did what to who" issue. This may be his way of wanting help and wants to do it together-not alone-I would go to counseling with him.

Luna091306
by on Jan. 28, 2009 at 4:36 AM

At first I think I was too much in his face. He had to tell me to leave him alone about it. But, I think I have moved to the opposite extreme. Thank you for the advice.

Quoting allensavannahs:

hugsi wish i had some sound advise for you. I lost my mom was a year ago last dec. I too shut down, the bad thing abou that is  I"M the provider LOL, so eek life went to pot, DH not supportive ..his idea sof suppost is staying outta my way.....

I guess I wish Dh would have talked to me more about what I was doing or lack there of, helped me by leading,

So I guess I'm saying to you to talk to him, maybe express that while you do understand (even if you dont) that there is a family still here that needs his attention and affection....

maybe? so you can do this

instead of this









Luna091306
by on Jan. 28, 2009 at 4:37 AM

I think you are absolutely right!

Quoting cassielee_83:

they way i see it is that your bitter and angry because of the position you've been put in. you are a single working mother with a crappy babysitter at this point. because your resentful and a little pissed you probably treat him with hostility and don't even realize you're doing it. (don't get me wrong i'd be a bitch too) the problem is he is seeing it as one more thing on a laundry list of things that is making his life miserable. so he wants to blame it on you because you're the problem he can see. honestly it sounds like he's suffering from depression, i think if he wants to seek counseling by all means he should do that. you need to find nice way to tell him that it isn't couples counseling that is needed. that you are doing all you can for your family right now, and that things will get better for every one if he could get out of this funk.



Jenco2013
by on Jan. 28, 2009 at 11:07 AM

She said just what I was going to say. Talk to your husband and be open about how you feel. Let him know that you love him but he's not the only one going through a hard time.  He should be thankful that you are there and supporting him through his time of grieving. If you weren't there he would be in even worse shape. Oh, and take a day off! Go do something fun and relaxing, you definitely deserve it!

Quoting cassielee_83:

they way i see it is that your bitter and angry because of the position you've been put in. you are a single working mother with a crappy babysitter at this point. because your resentful and a little pissed you probably treat him with hostility and don't even realize you're doing it. (don't get me wrong i'd be a bitch too) the problem is he is seeing it as one more thing on a laundry list of things that is making his life miserable. so he wants to blame it on you because you're the problem he can see. honestly it sounds like he's suffering from depression, i think if he wants to seek counseling by all means he should do that. you need to find nice way to tell him that it isn't couples counseling that is needed. that you are doing all you can for your family right now, and that things will get better for every one if he could get out of this funk.


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