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Is this fair?

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 3:12 PM
  • 6 Replies

We watch our nephew for my SIL when she works, we get paid through the county to do so. But for some reason she seems to think that just because we can watch our nephew we should whenever she wants. Since school has started she volunteered to be in charge of 2 fundraisers, so whenever she had to do anything with those she would drop our nephew off (he's 6 btw). When ever she wants to go out she drops our nephew off. She drops him off cause she wants to get a massage or to go tanning. hell some days she doesn't even give us warning that our nephew is coming home to our house after school he just gets off the bus when she has to work. (She doesn't have a set work schedule.)

Well, a little while ago my hubby called her to tell her that their Grandfather finally got to go home from the nursing home (he had fallen and broken his hip and ended up with some complications) and she told my hubby that "we need to keep 'C' over night on the 7th of February cause she is going to a concert." Not even can we watch him but we need to watch him.

I honestly don't think it would bother so much if she would just ONCE watch our kids so that we can go out. Even if it was just a dinner alone for a couple of hours! But she always has to work or is too busy to watch our kids. I don't remember the last time my hubby and i got time to ourselves!

She tries to play the "oh poor me, i'm a single mother, and i'm broke" card but in all reality she makes more money a month than we do, and just blows it on junk and, i'm sorry but i was a single mom too until i met my hubby 2 years ago, i know its hard but i'm not going to feel sorry for her. She has a support system, my FIL is always bailing her out and i never got help from anyone.

I just don't think its really fair that she seems to think that because i am a SAHM and my hubby owns his own business and when necessary he takes the kids over to the store (really small town and the locals love it when the kids are there) that it means that we are a 24/365 babysitter for her. Am i just being hormonal or is it really not fair?

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by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 3:12 PM
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Replies (1-6):
WildKat
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 3:16 PM

It really is not fair - but your nephew sounds like he could use a positive influence in his life - so I would do it for him whenever you can, and be firm when you can't.  I would also bug the shit out of her for advanced notice and reciprocity.

Peace,

Kat

mstnbecki
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 3:23 PM

you need to set her strait, the state pays you to watch her kid well she works not well shes running errons and going out.I would tell her look I can no longer watch him unless your working.You have a life to why should you drop everything to watch her son well shes not working expestially when she cant even ask and just ussumes its your duty to watch him.

mom2aspclboy
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 3:36 PM

Sounds to me like you guys need to establish some ground rules for babysitting. Talk to your husband and figure out what works for you & the family. For example, you may want to specify to her that you are only going to watch her son while she is at work and that you need to know her work schedule the week before you watch her son so that you are prepared for his visit & can schedule your family's activities around his visits. You could also tell her that if she wants you to watch her son at any other time, she needs to give you at least 3 days notice so that you can make sure his being over fits into your schedule. If the county is paying you for childcare while your SIL works, then that is really the only time your nephew should be there on their dime; otherwise it is fraud.

I'm sure that if you were to establish such rules she will have a fit because now she suddenly will have to be responsible for her own child, but your family must come first, so if you aren't happy with the situation, it's time to change it and on your terms.

 

northernmommy
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 3:41 PM

The only time we get paid by the county is when my SIL is working. Actually we don't even get paid for as many hours as she works. She is only allotted a certain amount of hours in a week but she works more than that amount of hours. So all the extra time that we have our nephew is unpaid anyway. She just assumes that we will watch him.

Quoting mom2aspclboy:

Sounds to me like you guys need to establish some ground rules for babysitting. Talk to your husband and figure out what works for you & the family. For example, you may want to specify to her that you are only going to watch her son while she is at work and that you need to know her work schedule the week before you watch her son so that you are prepared for his visit & can schedule your family's activities around his visits. You could also tell her that if she wants you to watch her son at any other time, she needs to give you at least 3 days notice so that you can make sure his being over fits into your schedule. If the county is paying you for childcare while your SIL works, then that is really the only time your nephew should be there on their dime; otherwise it is fraud.

I'm sure that if you were to establish such rules she will have a fit because now she suddenly will have to be responsible for her own child, but your family must come first, so if you aren't happy with the situation, it's time to change it and on your terms.



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witchywomanav
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 3:42 PM

I'd quit watching him. Either that or tell her how you feel. If she continues to drop him off, tell her you will no longer be available to watch him anymore and don't. Maybe when she realises you are not an anytime babysitter, she'll be a little more respectful. I know what you are going through. I used to watch my ex-husband's kids. Most will say that since I was married to him, it was my responsibility, but I watched them when she was at work, which was what I was being paid to do, and also while she ran off to screw my ex-husband, while we were married. So yeah, I know how you feel about the situation. You love the kids, but why can't their parents be responsible for them once in a while?

BewitchedKisses
by Silver Member on Jan. 25, 2009 at 4:00 PM

I would kindly tell her to come get her child before I dropped him off to her wherever she was. I wouldn't put up with it at all, especially if you're only getting paid while she's working.

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