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Story I wrote for my creative writing class, what do you ladies think?? (CAUTION:IM SURE IT WILL OFFEND SOMEONE, AND IT IS A LITTLE LONG)

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 8:59 PM
  • 53 Replies

 OKAY THIS IS THE STORY I MADE UP AND WROTE, SORRY IF IT OFFENDS ANYONE. NOT TRUE I JUST MADE IT UP. BUT I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT YOU LADIES THINK BEFORE I TURN IT IN IN THE MORNING! THANKS

OH IF YOU COULD PLEASE BUMP THIS AFTER READING SO OTHERS CAN SEE IT TOO! THANKS AGAIN!

His Saving Grace

            As he walked down the long, white hallway, he knew that in a few moments his life would change forever. Before he could enter the room he had to stop off in the bathroom, in a final attempt to pull himself together. He cried and cried until he could cry no more. All he could do was continue to replay the past months in his mind over and over. He hoped that by doing so he might see something that he hadn't seen before. But in the end, he knew that it didn't matter. There was nothing he could do. There was nothing anyone could do.

            It was a lazy, Sunday afternoon in October, three weeks before his last trip down that hallway. It had started as a day like any other. They spent the day at home in each other's arms. Even though it was October, it was still warm enough to spend the day outdoors in the sun. She had made a beautiful picnic lunch, which they had shared beneath the large oak tree in their backyard. The rest of the day was spent lying on the picnic blanket holding one another as they talked about their plans for the future.

            It was then that it happened. They were lying there asleep, when she began to scream in agony. He jumped up to find the blanket soaked in a bright red liquid and her doubled over holding her stomach in pain. He just stood there in complete shock not knowing what to do. Not knowing if this was really happening or if it was just a dream.

            A moment later he snapped back into reality and knew it wasn't just a dream, this was really happening. He quickly scooped her into his arms and ran with her to the car, knowing it would be quicker than waiting on an ambulance to arrive. Within minutes, they arrived at the hospital where doctors and nurses quickly rushed her to the operating room; leaving him on the other side of the double doors to wait alone. Five and half hours later a doctor came through the same double doors with the news. He knew by the look on his face that the news wasn't good.

           Now here he was in the men's room drying his eyes. He washed his face and picked up the bouquet of Lillys, her favorite, and walked out the door, and once more down the long, white, hallway. Finally he reached his destination. He waited a moment, catching his breath before he turned the knob and slowly crept into the room. He pulled up a chair, the same chair he had sat in everyday for the last three weeks and sat beside her bed, taking her hand as he did so. This would be the last time he would ever hold her hand, ever talk to her, ever kiss her, and ever be with her. He spent the next hour there with her, and when at last the hour was finally up, a nurse came in and he knew it was time. It was all he could do to gather the strength he needed just to lift his tired body from the chair, but somehow he did. They asked him if he wanted to stay, and even though he wanted to, he knew he would regret it later. He placed the flowers beside her, kissed her one last time then he left. He didn't go home, he couldn't just yet, so instead he sat on the floor outside her room and just cried. The nurses knew to leave him and they did. This is what he needed to do.

       It has been two years since the little girl's mother died, yet she is remembered every day. With her tiny little hand in her daddy's, they walked together to the cemetery. It was there that she rested and it was there that the little girl and her daddy placed the lillys. It was also there that they sat as he told her the story just as he had done every year. Even though she didn't understand he felt he needed to tell her anyway. He always began with the time they spent together. When he finally got to that day, he would look down at his little girl, and he was again able to hold back his tears and continue on with the story. He told of how she gave birth to her; but she had already lost so much blood that after seeing her for the first time, kissing her, and telling her how much she loved her, she slipped into a coma with her newborn baby in her arms. Then finally he told her of his decision to take her off of life support and how hard it had been.

            Although his daughter could never replace his wife, it was her that kept him alive. Without her he was sure he would have died that day holding her hand in the chair beside her bed.

PLEASE CLINK THE LINK BELOW TO CHECK OUT MY GROUP ON CHILD SAFETY!!!http://www.cafemom.com/group/53427

by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 8:59 PM
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Replies (1-10):
TessyCat
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:02 PM

I liked it even though it was so sad. It makes you think. Thank you for sharing.

 

 

srj-7128
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:02 PM

BUMP FOR COMMENTS PLEASE

PLEASE CLINK THE LINK BELOW TO CHECK OUT MY GROUP ON CHILD SAFETY!!!http://www.cafemom.com/group/53427

srj-7128
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:03 PM

THANKS FOR READING IT AND THANKS FOR THE COMMENTS AS WELL!

Quoting TessyCat:

I liked it even though it was so sad. It makes you think. Thank you for sharing.


PLEASE CLINK THE LINK BELOW TO CHECK OUT MY GROUP ON CHILD SAFETY!!!http://www.cafemom.com/group/53427

about2beamommy
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:08 PM

bump cant read it at this moment but will later

rarakay
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:08 PM

All i can say is wow, you are very talented. Sure makes you appreciate all those that you have in your life! i don't know why you would offend someone with a work of fiction. Good job! Hope you get an A

ReagansMomy
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:09 PM

That was great!! 1 typo though. You misspelle scooped. It has 2 o's.

CarlandTsMama
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:09 PM

So sad. It somewhat reminds me of the Travis Tritt video "You Didn't Say Goodbye" Its about a pregnant woman that falls off a dock and hits her head on a boat. At the end they show the dad and daughter at the cemetary.

srj-7128
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:11 PM

I WOULD HOPE IT WOULDNT OFFEND BUT I KNWO HOW SOME PEOPLE CAN BE SO I WANTED TO WRITE IT SO I DIDNT GET BASHED OR SOMETHING. BUT THANK YOU FOR THE COMMENTS!

Quoting rarakay:

All i can say is wow, you are very talented. Sure makes you appreciate all those that you have in your life! i don't know why you would offend someone with a work of fiction. Good job! Hope you get an A


PLEASE CLINK THE LINK BELOW TO CHECK OUT MY GROUP ON CHILD SAFETY!!!http://www.cafemom.com/group/53427

srj-7128
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:12 PM

THANKS I WILL CORRECT IT ON MY DRAFT I TURN IN!!

Quoting ReagansMomy:

That was great!! 1 typo though. You misspelle scooped. It has 2 o's.


PLEASE CLINK THE LINK BELOW TO CHECK OUT MY GROUP ON CHILD SAFETY!!!http://www.cafemom.com/group/53427

srj-7128
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 9:13 PM

AWW I HAVE NEVER SEEN THAT VIDEO. I WILL HAVE TO WATCH IT NOW!

Quoting CarlandTsMama:

So sad. It somewhat reminds me of the Travis Tritt video "You Didn't Say Goodbye" Its about a pregnant woman that falls off a dock and hits her head on a boat. At the end they show the dad and daughter at the cemetary.


PLEASE CLINK THE LINK BELOW TO CHECK OUT MY GROUP ON CHILD SAFETY!!!http://www.cafemom.com/group/53427

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