• In the Spotlight:
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

this shouldnt bother me i know but it does

Posted by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:19 PM
  • 11 Replies

i know this shouldnt bother me but it does alot to the point where im considering ending a very long friendship over it. me and my best friend have been friends since we were 12 and were both about to be 24 are birthdays are a week apart. the thing is shes married to someone who is 20 yrs older than her and trys to control her. they have been together for 7 yrs and have a 2 yr old daughter who is a total spoiled brat and they have a 2 month old baby. in the last 7 yrs they have broken up and gotten back together at least 50 times no exsaguration. they fight every single day sometimes even in front of the kids and she crys to me daily about how much she hates him and wants out of the marriage. the problem is well for starters she has no job, no family she can trust, and no car, she has never graduated highschool so its hard for her to get a job. last yr they were in the middle of filing for divorce when she found out she was pregnant with the 2 month old. last yr when they were filing they lived in vegas and she left him in the middle of the night with there than almost 1 yr old and came and stayed with me. well on her birthday she trusted him to take the baby for the night and he fled back to vegas with her and than filed a restaring order and for custody and divorce. of course my friend freaked out we drove to vegas and my mom put us up in a hotel for the night paid for our food and gas money everything. well my friend decided to go back to her husband and stranded me in vegas. my mom had to pay for me to come home on the greyhound. i was furious but shes my friend so i supported her. well he dropped everything and they both moved back out to cali together into his moms house where they still live now. well shortly after she found out she was pregnant. when they moved i helped her with everything i lent them they money for the uhaul and storage. i lent her grocery and gas money. my mom even paid to get insurance on her car which she than sold a month later to help her husband pay a bill. her doing that to me along with a few other things im not gonna mentioned stopped us from being friends for almost 8 months than we slowly atarted talking and worked it out. well a few days ago me and her were driving and she told me she was going to take the girls and leave him this time for good. of course i never beleive her at this point but shes my friend so i stand by her. well her grandpa promised to help her with a car keep in mind she cant trust anyone in her family at all. well her grandpa did buy a car one of his chosing even though she told him thats not the car she wanted and to top it all off he put the car in her husbands name. well the car was her only way out. now shes stuck there again and shes staying cause her husband already told her if she tried to leave he was taking the girls away from her and moving back to vegas with his brother who has caused alot of problems. well now my friend is being all buddy buddy will her brother in law and being two faced cause she talks about him behind his back so much. she has her taxes coming back and this money was going to be her way out but now shes deciding to stay because shes scared of losing her girls. i get that but i keep telling her staying is only gonna hurt the girls more in the end because its gonna set a bad example. what pisses me off the most though is yet again i went out on a limb for her and had a car lined up for her to buy and even had an room set up for her and her kids to stay in. she doesnt even seem to care and obviously she doesnt want out bad enough or she would be doing everything in her power to get out at any cost. im just so frustrated because i know im the only person she has to count on but im not gonna keep helping her if she keeps going back. again i know her going back has nothing to do with me it just pisses me off so fricken much. i cant even put words on how much this is getting to me. im trying not to let it cause i know its not my problem and i want to be there for her but i can only help so many times and get screwed over so many times before i have to say enough is enough and i cant help her anymore. i need advice though on how to let her know im here for support but plz dont ask for my help cause i cant help u again. what do u ladies think how should i approach this with her im serioulsy to the point of ending this friendship again because she makes it my business when she drags me into all of this. im so annoyed i dont know what to do.

by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:19 PM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
about2beamommy
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:24 PM

anyone

dragonflykiss44
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:27 PM

Shes just scared to no end. thats why she cant seem to leave...keep in mind she has no education, she has no job, and no money, and no experience to even get a good job.

I really dont think he could get full custody of the girls. He would have to have a damn good reason why she shouldnt have them. like shes a drug addict, or drinks alot, or beats them up. or something. as long as none of those are true i think she should be ok. just tell her to find a job. ANY job. that way he or the courts cant say shes not trying to support her kids.

hope everything works out for her, and for you. stick with her. shes just scared shitless i would imagine.

chloes_mom
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:28 PM

you need to tell her that she needs to make a decision...be honest with her, tell her you cant keep supporting her leaving him when she always turns around and goes back to him. shes just using the excuse, "hes gonna take my kids away", because she really wants to stay it sound like..if she really wanted to leave him, she would.. just be honest with her..

jacejenkins
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:30 PM

I think your friend has found herself in a really bad situation.   Legally, she can not leave the state with the children.   So she needs to go to a battered women's shelter where she can find the help she needs to get away from him and keep her children.   Don't turn your back on her now.   I know she has borrowed money that she can not pay back, you said it yourself that she doesn't have a job.   Her husband is the one who controls the money and he uses that as one of the ways to control her.   Don't give up on your friend, point her in the direction she needs to go to help herself. 

about2beamommy
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:31 PM

the thing is and i should of mentioned this in the post shes not somone u can just saying something straight up to because she will get really defensive and edgy and shut down. its a complicated situation cause i want to be there for her i just cant put myself through this with her again i have my own problems to deal with.

Quoting chloes_mom:

you need to tell her that she needs to make a decision...be honest with her, tell her you cant keep supporting her leaving him when she always turns around and goes back to him. shes just using the excuse, "hes gonna take my kids away", because she really wants to stay it sound like..if she really wanted to leave him, she would.. just be honest with her..


dylansmommybree
by Bronze Member on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:33 PM

You said everything I was thinking!!!

Quoting dragonflykiss44:

Shes just scared to no end. thats why she cant seem to leave...keep in mind she has no education, she has no job, and no money, and no experience to even get a good job.

I really dont think he could get full custody of the girls. He would have to have a damn good reason why she shouldnt have them. like shes a drug addict, or drinks alot, or beats them up. or something. as long as none of those are true i think she should be ok. just tell her to find a job. ANY job. that way he or the courts cant say shes not trying to support her kids.

hope everything works out for her, and for you. stick with her. shes just scared shitless i would imagine.


My name is Bridgette I'm a 27 year old Co-sleeping, Circumsizing, Pro-life, vaccine giving, , Public schooling, Disciplining, Kinda Momma


Jaismomma
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:37 PM

I can tell you of a job lead for her. I work for a place called Visiting Angels. WE do in home non medical senior assistance. Everything from Personal care to housekeeping. Tell her to look up senior in home care agencies. If you tell me what city/state she lives in I can look some up for her.

about2beamommy
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:40 PM

ive pointed her in so many directions its not even money she choices not to help herself and im just so sick of it. im trying my best to not judge her and keep and open mind but i guess im just a stronger person and would never stay if unhappy thats one think that urks me so much about so many women who stay in unhappy realtionships. im just to the point of giving up on her because if she dont want to help herself why should i keep enabling her.

Quoting jacejenkins:

I think your friend has found herself in a really bad situation.   Legally, she can not leave the state with the children.   So she needs to go to a battered women's shelter where she can find the help she needs to get away from him and keep her children.   Don't turn your back on her now.   I know she has borrowed money that she can not pay back, you said it yourself that she doesn't have a job.   Her husband is the one who controls the money and he uses that as one of the ways to control her.   Don't give up on your friend, point her in the direction she needs to go to help herself. 


witchywomanav
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:42 PM

You just described my sister to a "T". All I can say is tell her what you wrote here. Tell her how much you love her, but you just can't keep putting yourself in this position. It up-roots your life. If she really wants to get away, you'll know when she's serious. It'll feel different to you. Just go with your gut and you can't fail. If you lose the friendship, it's probably for the best, you really don't need any added stress on top of what most Americans are feeling right now.

about2beamommy
by on Jan. 25, 2009 at 11:43 PM

shes done in home health care before but when she left the company i guess something happened with her paperwork and they wont allow her to come back but if u know of any others where we live or can look some up that would be great thanx 92308 zip code apple valley victorville or hesperia california

Quoting Jaismomma:

I can tell you of a job lead for her. I work for a place called Visiting Angels. WE do in home non medical senior assistance. Everything from Personal care to housekeeping. Tell her to look up senior in home care agencies. If you tell me what city/state she lives in I can look some up for her.


Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)