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Was I wrong

Posted by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:41 PM
  • 5 Replies

Me and hubby have been fighting non stop about how he spends no time with us, well last night I´d finally had enough, He was with his friends all day yesterday as normal, and went to play soccer at 8 came home at 10 and said he had to run outside and get money that his friend owed him and he would be right back, and I said if your not coming back just tell me, so I can go to sleep and he said no Ill be back in 10 minutes, I just dont want him to spend my money.So he left, and came back at 12:30 and we fight everyday about him never being home, and he said 2 days ago he knew he was wrong and would change but the next day does the same thing, so when he came home I started asking him why, why he doesnt want to be around me anymore, and he just ignored me and said I know Im wrong Ill change (same thing he has said for the past 5 months) well I finally said that Im packing up and moving the kids back to America, that I need a husband who wants to be with me and the kids, and I went and slept in the kids room, well this  morning he wakes up at 12 and comes to talk to me and says Im not going anywhere and I always blow things out of proportion, that he just needs a break sometimes..He doesnt work and does nothing with the kids why would he need a break? But he says Im to emotional, I have no friends here and no one to talk to, at least I think I should have my husband but no hes always with his friends..I really do want to go home but I dont want to loose my husband but NOTHING works nothing, its always my fault no matter what we fight about..Im far from perfect I know but at least I want to be around myfamily..Should I just give up and go home, or keep trying but after 5 months Im just really tired of trying to make someone love me and our kids..

by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:41 PM
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Replies (1-5):
SweetAngel0401
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:47 PM

have you talked about going to therapy together? I hate to see a relationship go down the drain if there is something that can be fixed. I wish you luck in what ever happens.

TinaCollins1987
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:51 PM

Yea he refuses to go to therapy, I tried asking him for a break (not seeing other people just a break to have some time alone) but he says no, he says we are going through a rough patch which will pass, but after 2 yrs it hasnt passed so he doesnt get that something has to happen, I feel like I gave up my life and family to follow him here to Mexico to be with his family, and he completely takes me and the kids for granted,,

CrazyMaMa79
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:53 PM

you are not wrong!  A marriage and parenting is 50/50 and if he's not willing to give his attention to you guys FIRST before anything else then shame on him.  I don't believe in divorce because I think any issue can be resolved but BOTH parties have to be willing.  Did you think about counciling?  Maybe that will help open his eyes so you guys can talk privately without arguments.  I'm sure he loves you guys but men are really goofy sometimes with emotions.  We women are emotional creatures by default so we automaticly start wondering why men don't love us even though that is probably not the case.  We as women judge ourselves and always think "what is so wrong with me that my hubby doesn't care about me anymore"?  The truth is this.....you both need to tactfully explain your feelings and help eachother through the issue.  Maybe he's feeling overwhelmed and not "manly" anymore so he's having an identity crisis or maybe he feels inadoquate at home becuase you are such a good mom and he's feeling un-needed.  Sometimes you really have to dig into a man's soul and heart to figure out the truth but it's ALWAYS worht it!  As far as your feelings go I can completely understand.  Calmly explain to him how you feel and maybe suggest to him some things that he could to to help.  Instead of saying "you never spend time with us" (this sounds like an attack to a man) say something like "hey honey, can we make a date this weekend to go out to dinner, or take the kids to a movie"?  (that sounds more like neutral question to a guy)  I hope maybe this will help you because you obviously love him and I'm sure you want things to work.  Good luck hun, and keep us updated!!!

Meissilly
by Gold Member on Jan. 27, 2009 at 1:54 PM

 i feel so bad for you . i understand where you are comeing  from . i  go through he same thing .   i dont have any  friends either .   i do have some out lets with girl scouts and  church.   i would suggest to find some play groups  or activites  to  get out and met people . i know how it is not to have any adult conversation. 

Make a deal   soccer game =  one dinner out .   or a night out after 12:00 =  getting your hair done .   Why dont you  go with him to  soccer games ?  My kids love them .  they love to see daddy   get his butt kicked ..   err i mean ..  kick a goal .

TinaCollins1987
by on Jan. 27, 2009 at 2:00 PM

Yea we asked if we could go with him while he went and played, and he said no cause no body elses families go, Yea none of the girls here really like me cause Im the american girl invading their turf ya know, so I dont have anyone to talk to..Oh I tried that one thing with the friends one with us, we had a plan to take the kids to the circus after he got done playing 2 weeks ago and he just didnt come home, and when he got home said he lost track of time..he will do anything to not have to hang out with us..

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