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Open with care *SEX* EDIT

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 12:08 AM
  • 26 Replies

Ok, I will try to keep this as short as I can... Here's the background- I have a two and a half year old daughter by a guy who hasn't seen her in two years. I have been dating my current boyfriend for a year and a half. He is absolutely the most wonderful man I have ever dated. He loves McKenna- loves to play with her, loves to teach her new things, loves to just be with her. I come home from work and the house is clean, dinner is cooked and the laundry is done. He's amazing, but I am so unhappy. The one and only reason I am so unhappy is because we haven't had sex in almost six months. I don't want to throw away an entire relationship over one thing, but sex is such an important part of a relationship. I have talked to him about it, and he just says that he doesn't have a high sex drive. But six months?!?!?!?!?!? I honestly can't take it anymore. He told me if it was such a big deal that I had sex "all the time" then I should just find someone else to have sex with and not to tell him. How can you say that to someone that you are supposed to love completely? I couldn't imagine him with another woman, and would never dream of allowing him to do that. Anyways, my main issue is that I don't love him like I used to. If the circumstances were different, I don't even think I would be with him anymore. But, my daughter has gotten so attached to him, we worked out our schedules so that he works nights so he can be at home with McKenna, and we are depending on each other financially. How do you just walk away from all of that? How do you undo everything when it works so conveniently? And is the lack of sex even worth breaking up my family? I don't want to make a rash decision, so any advice would be helpful. Thanks a lot.


*EDIT*  There was a little confusion as to why he never wants to have sex. No, he is not a pervert, he just can't ever get an erection. Ever. And he has been making excuses about it for months, but he finally admitted yesterday that he needs some medication. Hopefully this will solve the issue and we can move past this. Thanks to everyone for your advice :-)

FERRIN

*MOMMY TO MCKENNA GRACE*

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 12:08 AM
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Replies (1-10):
cmb121906
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 12:10 AM

The only thing I can recomend is couples counseling

 Come join my anything goes type of group  http://www.cafemom.com/group/46317/

ABMommy
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 12:11 AM

If I had a boyfriend like that I wouldn't leave..but that's just me. I get a lot of ahem..losers..being a single parent of two. I support myself and then they want me to help support them .. If I found someone that I actually loved and THEY stuck around (I always stuck around) then I would have no reason to leave even if things got a little boring. You both need a couple date nights, courting if you will.

PureElegance101
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 12:12 AM

 I'm sorry :( I would just totally suprise him one night with the sexiest thing I could find. If that doesn't turn thing around, even for just one night, then I really don't know. It's always worth a shot :)

faerie75
by Ruby Member on Feb. 5, 2009 at 12:13 AM

 i dont know what to tell you, sex is way important to me. its not EVERYTHING but its pretty damn important. LOL

chiquis
by Diamond Member on Feb. 5, 2009 at 12:14 AM

It seems like such a silly thing to break up over BUT I understand you. I have a high sex drive and my fiance doesn't ... but 6 months is insane. Hell a week is to long for me lol. We've been living together for 3 years and going great we both compromise for the other. Meaning I don't violate the man (although I want to most of the time lol) but he doesn't leave me high and dry either.  I don't see how I could stay in a relantionship like that. If it was now and then at least but nothing for 6 months would make me question things.

ForeverMeme
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 12:15 AM

I think he needs to talk to a dr. about his total lack of a desire for sex. That does not sound normal for a young guy. Something wrong with this picture, hon. 

Hannahsmommy407
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 12:17 AM

If you are really happy in the relationship and sex is the only problem I would stay with him. I know this may sound awful, but maybe having sex with someone else might help. I have never cheated on my husband. I do know someone who had a similar problem though and ended up cheating. It made her feel guilty but helped their relationship a lot. They have been together for 6 years now. If that is not you, maybe you could get him to talk to a doctor about his sex drive.

Kelli.and.Ellie
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 12:21 AM

can u openly talk to him about this? if so, there are some things that can maybe increase his sex drive....such as dhea and i believe my fiance said horny goat weed does too..its an all natural thing at GNC... my fiance and i were just talking about this today because i have a WAY higher sex drive then he does. his problem is he works a lot at a very demanding, hard work job.....i would start with talking to him....he might be just bored of the sex..

such as he always has to do the work....lol i know a lot of men will complain about this and rather just do what they need to when they shower and not bother us...




wisconsin-momma.gif

llahn17
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 12:25 AM

Six months is so long! My BF said he has a low sex drive, and he used to keep me waiting but for maybe 3 weeks at a time. Maybe you should suggest he go see a doctor. Maybe get some medicine. I don't know, but I hope it gets better so that you don't end it. It would be a shame..he sounds like a really good guy. Good luck!

elizapark
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 12:37 AM

I'm old enough to be your mother and yet I have a three-year old.  I haven't done the greatest job of navigating my relationships, but I'm always willing to give input, knowing you are the only one who can decide for yourself.  I am in a stage where I'm having a lot of regret and evalutaing all the twists and turns.  There is a lot of value in the day-to-day homelife working, especially for the benefit of a child.  Allowing this man to become so close to your daughter is a very serious thing, as is any change to that arrangement.  We live in a high-rise which encourages my daughter to interact with lots of male neighbors, and I have to be very careful even at that level.  I remember reading that you moved from somewhere else to the south, which can be a factor in who he is and what is going on.  I would proceed cautiously.  If I had done so with a guy with whom I had similar objections, I would not be in the pickle I'm in now.  I would say that the answers you need are perhaps not the ones that come from the questions you have now about missing sex.  Examine your overall values, and his; and what you want for your daughter.  I don't think it is as simple as sex or no sex.  Don't reduce your life (your lives) to a litmus test on that one subject.  Having an affair okayed by your guy can mean a lot of things, but it is likely that he is not sure about it all and is just spouting off.  You probably don't want to hear this, but you are both young, and unlikely to have the skills to communicate about this or a lot of things.  And that is what it is a matter of--skills.  You can learn them and use them and feel better and improve your life.  Look at what else you have going.  Look around on Oprah.com for relationship and sex stuff--one of the best sites i've seen for a topical but useful offering.  This has been a bit random and expert by no means, but i've found that experts help. 

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