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i know there is alot of baby mamma drama, but i really need some advice but this problem i am having with sd's bm

Posted by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:18 PM
  • 13 Replies

so here is a bit of background on the situation. the bm abandoned her 2 yr old daughter, had absolutely no contact for 3 months thats when dh got custody well since then she has come back into sd's life she had 136 days a year of visitation a year and missed 96 of them in that year due to going to jail for drugs, drunk driving, and just plan not showing up, so the court lowered it to 1 day a week and told her she could get more if she made MOST of her visitations during a 3 month period in which they would review the case. well in that 3 month period she mossed 8 visits and went to jail 9 times for various things, so we get to the review hearing and she didn't bother to show up (no one was surprised, the judge actually expected it) so they agreed to only give her 1 day a month because she has no house, no phone, no job, no drivers license, doesn't pay cs even though she is supposed to, and she didn't bother making it to the hearing. so she asked if she could call sd once a week, i said if we are home when you call i will let her talk as long as it remains neutral she agreed. well she called tonight and her and sd were talking and bm says i got you a new bed!! to which my sd replied why, i live here with daddy? and then bm oh don't worry that will change soon! well i got upset and took the phone and told bm if she can't keep it neutral then the phone conversations won't happen, she told me she was only telling sd how it was and it would be changing soon. i am so worried that she is going to try to run off with my sd and i don't know what to do! any advice?

by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:18 PM
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Replies (1-10):
mom-lovingit
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:22 PM

Tell the court and the police right away!!!  That way if something happens then it's documented and they might be able to find her faster (keep an eye on her)

 

Bump!!

Brooke501
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:23 PM

Where is her dad?

 

Jynnifer292
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:24 PM

That would kind of scare me too. I would like to say that there would be no way that she would legally get her back but the courts are ridiculously biased in favor of mom usually. Hopefully, you wouldn't get a judge dumb enough to do that. If you are afraid that she will kidnap her or something, perhaps your husband should go to the court tomorrow and ask that she have supervised visitation because she has made comments to your sd that make him suspicious. How does he feel about this? 

Brooke501
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:25 PM

 This really something the dad should be doing. If he is deployed or works out of town then thats a different story. I am a step mom and when their are issues with the kids and the agreement between their parents, they are the ones to work it out.

Ayawis
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:26 PM

Wow. I thought I was the only one that had to deal with this. My SS's mom also abandoned him at age 2, he is now 5. We have gone back and forth with visitations because she will visit him for a few months and then just disappear for half a year. She also tells SS when she sees him that he will live with her someday, and makes it out to be that we are keeping her from him. Grrr...

Anyway, I don't really know what you can do to change her behavior. There really isn't a way to stop her from saying what she wants to say. The best you can do is damage control, making sure that the little one stuck in the middle doesn't get too hurt. You might want to try one of my lines that I use a lot to explain some of the lies she tells him... Momma loves you a lot, but she gets confused some times. For now, that explanation is all our son needs, and he is happy with it.

Good luck Momma!

regan888
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:28 PM

he was working at the time, but he was enraged when i told him, he wants to call the court and the GAL tommorrow, it was to late after the bm had called, but he is very worried to.

Quoting Brooke501:

Where is her dad?

 


starleigh21
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:35 PM

 I heard on the custody group that if you go get a passport made for sd, bm won't beable to get one and won't beable to take her out of the country. Just to be safe, i'd check into that and i'd also talk to a lawyer.

If she does try to take sd, she will lose all rights. That's kidnapping and it's not takin lightly. I hope for sd's sake though that she doesn't try to do that.

 

regan888
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:40 PM

he is really upset, he wanted to it to be supervised for reasons like this but they always said it wasn't needed and she wouldn't do anything like that but it is not the first time the bm and her sister have made comments like this, but why else would she buy sd a new bed and say things ARE going to change, i am worried

Quoting Jynnifer292:

That would kind of scare me too. I would like to say that there would be no way that she would legally get her back but the courts are ridiculously biased in favor of mom usually. Hopefully, you wouldn't get a judge dumb enough to do that. If you are afraid that she will kidnap her or something, perhaps your husband should go to the court tomorrow and ask that she have supervised visitation because she has made comments to your sd that make him suspicious. How does he feel about this? 


hannahsmommy309
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:41 PM

your need to file an emergency motion to get supervised visits only due to the face that you are fearing for your sd life..and that she may kidnap her.  get it done asap!!!

VJennyLynnS
by on Feb. 5, 2009 at 10:50 PM

i'd be upset too.. i can see where your coming from. although i don't have step children i can see why youd be scared. if anyone ever tried to take my kid away i'd be pissed off. i would definately push for supervised visits after her comments. why would she say that will all change .. it sounds like there is NO way she'd ever get custody of your SD so sounds to me like she's planning on kidnapping her. either that or she thinks that she's a good enough mother to be able to get custody which IMO should never and could never happen..

Quoting regan888:

he is really upset, he wanted to it to be supervised for reasons like this but they always said it wasn't needed and she wouldn't do anything like that but it is not the first time the bm and her sister have made comments like this, but why else would she buy sd a new bed and say things ARE going to change, i am worried

Quoting Jynnifer292:

That would kind of scare me too. I would like to say that there would be no way that she would legally get her back but the courts are ridiculously biased in favor of mom usually. Hopefully, you wouldn't get a judge dumb enough to do that. If you are afraid that she will kidnap her or something, perhaps your husband should go to the court tomorrow and ask that she have supervised visitation because she has made comments to your sd that make him suspicious. How does he feel about this? 

 


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