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Need oppinions on an arguement over my overbearing nephew. *EDITED*

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 1:39 AM
  • 13 Replies

I have a 7 yo nephew, my only nephew and godson, (no nieces) who I love like a son. We are very close and I always make time for him to spend with me. I will admit he is a little spoiled by most of the family, though I try not to let him get away with too much.

Since I had my son and he is now  18 mos, my nephew likes to play with him. He is very affectionate which I like to see, but he gets too rough sometimes and EVERYONE has to tell him a million times to back off and give him room, becuase he knocks him over, somethimes on purpose.

The thing that bothers me however is that he will pretend to roll onto the ground and aim for my to try and knock him over. Like a bowling pin He doesn't do it with a lot of force but enough to at least make my son lose balance and at times fall and even hit into things.

My hubby gets really mad over all this but me being the non-confrontational one, i let it go cause my sis is really stubborn when it comes to her son.

He takes toys away and tries to lure him away from everyone to take attention away. I also caught him a few times wrapping his legs around my son who is standing up to either keep there or make him fall, on the concretside walk. There has been times where my son actually got hurt.

It all came to a head yesterday when my nephew was playing with my son and was getting too close and while my son was in his carraige, he knocked it over. My son was ok and I know it was an accident but I am so tired of telling him to back off, ( just finished telling him 20 times) I yelled at him to sit down and stay away from him because he doesn't listen when we tell him to be careful.

My sis was not there but others where at the time but aparently she found out about it and my nephew told her I scared him. (Probably becuase I never yelled at him before) Well I learned about this after my nephew practially jumped on my son to get a toy before my son did, and he almost fell on top of my son.

I yelled out my nephews name, mostly out of fear for my son, and a little anger because he just isn't getting it. My sister snaps at me "don't talk to him like that" and I lost it and told her off.

I told her I was tired of telling him literally every 5 mins to back off my son and that he doens't listen to anyone until my son gets hurt. She says I would never yell at Gabe and I was like there isn't a reason to yell at an 18 month old he doesn't know better, your son is 7 she should know.

Even if he doesn't... he knows he isn't allowed to rough house with little kids. It ok for her to scream at her son and I see him cowar in fear but no one tells her to cool it but i raise my voice and she gets all high and mighty.

So she says well, then they cant play together anymore then. I said fine you are doing me a favor cause I am tired of having to make sure my son isn't attacked every 5 mins.

I told her I was not gonna argue with her and I am not sorry for protecting my child. If any kid was acting like this I would do the same. I don't think I did anything wrong but let him know that I am not going to allow him to push my son around.

I know my son gets mad at times and hits him out of frustration because he bombards the poor kid to the point whre he can't even move. She doesn't seem too concerned with my child getting tripped up or knocked down to put a stop to it so I did.

I told my nephew that I am not mad at him and that I didn't mean to scared him I was scared he was going to hurt Gabe and that he needs to stop smothering him and give him room because he is small and can easily get hurt by bumping his head on something.

My sister seemed hurt by it all, and I was too but I can't let him do that anymore.  

What would you have done?

You made it to the end! Thanks for reading all of my rant!

 

I thought I might add that my nephew was born withe umbilical cord around his neck that affected his right arm and leg. He has been through a lot and can walk normally though he has a foot brace on the right foot and cant really use the right hand but other than that he is just as normal as any 7 year old. He does have slight sensory issues that make him a lil touchy feely but its the deliberate tripping up that gets me mad.

by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 1:39 AM
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Replies (1-10):
KittyD
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 1:42 AM

ugh my sil is the same way! she lets her kids get away with everything but no one not even my f and m in law are allowed to say anything to them without her getting butt hurt...sometimes you need to call them out so that they know people notice the way she is letting her kids run things..she is prob also jealous of your son...

KittyD ~ Stop By My Page & Sign my Guest Book!

Jaismomma
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 1:48 AM

I have and would again do the exact same thing.

3timesoccermom
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 2:05 AM

I think you were/are completely reasonable and your sister is very lucky to have someone that cares so much for her son.  I think your nephew was just envious of the baby and "acting out."  Maybe a little break from visiting his favorite aunt will help him begin to grasp the concept of what's acceptable and what's not.

Magpie75
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 2:09 AM

I think you did the right thing.  At 7 your nephew knows better.

Martina70
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:17 AM

You did the right thing.

I know 7 year old boys can be rambunctious and from what you said your nephew isn't mean spirited but he needs to be cautious. It's unfortunate he got scared when you yelled at him but it seems like one of those things when you yell in haste (like NO- when  a little one is reaching for a hot stove) and not done in a rage.



bablondie
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:38 AM

Just b/c they are family doesn't mean you can let them walk all over you.

You did the right thing, as a mom you are protective of your child. Your nephew is too old and rough to be playing with your son at 18 months. I would just pick up the baby and put in a playpen or somewhere away from the nephew and just have a new rule "I'm sorry, but you are too rough to be able to play with the baby"...I would say until the baby were at least 2.5.

Obviously the boy doesn't realize the baby is a baby and fragile (maybe thinking  your baby is more like a punching bag or something).

Family or no family, I wouldn't let anyone do that to my kid out of fear of what they may think of me. Some kids just are too rough to be around the other baby and if your Sis will not let you say something to her kid when he's being rough, then the baby is off limits to her son. Period. that's what I would do!

I've not seen several family members before in my life for their kids were too rough and I couldn't handle it. I had a cousin who would fork your nylons you were wearing. I just wouldn't visit if he was there and avoided the cousin at all costs and said I wouldn't go to holidays and stuff if the cousin was there. It was just too stressful and my DD was so innocent and didn't need to be around that. Of course I can see the flip side of it, too, boys can be rough, I know mine can. But if mine just couldn't settle himself down around a baby and I warned him enough and had enough talks with him about it, the baby would be off limits. I have to do that with our cat! My son likes to bug the cat.

bablondie
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:41 AM

You just need to stand firm and have a good solid come back and stick to your rules. Make a rule and stick to it each time and do not waiver. Like "I'm sorry, but if your son cannot behave, as much as I love him, my baby's safety is my concern and he won't be able to play with my child anymore until they are older". or something like that.

OR something like "I'm protecting my baby, your son is obviously 5 years and 30 lbs more than my child and if you cannot handle that, then they will not be allowed in the same room together."

Quoting KittyD:

ugh my sil is the same way! she lets her kids get away with everything but no one not even my f and m in law are allowed to say anything to them without her getting butt hurt...sometimes you need to call them out so that they know people notice the way she is letting her kids run things..she is prob also jealous of your son...


MommaLolos
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:55 AM

Oh my gosh!  I have the same problem, but it's with my brother-in-law and my son.  They are six years apart.  Before my son would be crying all the time, and I would find brumps and bruises every now and then.  This would happen when I dropped my son at my mother-in-laws house.  When my son started to talk he began to tell me about what Alan (my brother-in-law) would do.  I would be furious.  I finally had enough when my son came home with a bruise on his back, and I talked to my mother-in-law.  I did this while Alan was there.  I asked my son to tell them what Alan had done.  Additionally, I explained that I wouldn't be bringing my son over, because he was getting hurt too much.  There was some friction for a while, but the issue was eventually resolved.

Alan is now almost 13 and my son, Alonso, is going to be 6.  They are more like friends, and the jealousy that Alan had has slowly subsided.  I had to keep reminding Alan how much he was letting everyone down by being a bad role model for Alonso.  I asked him if he loved Alonso, or if he wanted to hurt him.  It took a very long time to get into his head.  I realized that it was all out of pure jealousy of losing the "baby-of-the-family" position.  

It is a real hard situation that you are in, but I believe that all mothers feel this way about their children.  We are always trying to protect our own.  I am sure you love your nephew, but I think he just needs to know that you do.  He also needs to realize that your son and him are, more or less, like brothers.  It's going to take time.  But to tell you the truth, I have felt like you do.  I have hard headed sisters, as well, and it just takes time for them to come around.  I'm not sure if this helps, hopefully it does a little bit. 

Love and happiness!

sweetktn
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:55 AM

I think you did the right thing. I know I've done the same but with kids that weren't family. One was my brother's roommates daughter. She is a lil younger than he is but very very spoiled and whenever she'd throw a fit her mom would give in (until my lil bro came along then she wasn't allowed to get away with dumb crap). At Thanksgiving we were all together and she was just being so mean to my son. I let my lil bro deal with her for the most part but I finally had enuff when she ripped a toy away from my son then lied and said he tried to take it from her when he came and told me about it. That was all after a whole day of her taking things away from him, hitting him, throwing things at him. It just got to be too much. I want him to stick up for himself which he doesn't really do but that was just enough. About 30 mins later I went outside for a cig and then heard my mom yelling bloody murder I looked at the window to see her holding my son so I ran inside. The lil girl had taken my son's fav. thing from him (literally out of his hand AGAIN) and she was made to give it back and told to play on the other side of the living room if she couldn't play nice with him. So she grabbed a truck (metal about adult fist sized) and whipped it across the room at him, it hit him in the face and he ended up with a bruise under his eye. At Christmas she was told very clearly if she tried any crap then she would not get her presents and would have to sit in the corner by herself, she pretty much behaved then.

              


Sweet_Carol_126
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 4:03 AM

I am surprised you didn't yell a lot sooner.  Maybe you do need to keep him away.  Tell him he can't play with your son becuae he is not careful around him and he is a baby and not a big boy like he is. 

I think that the boy is jealous and is doing this on purpose.  He is trying to trip him up and that isn't just being careless. He may be a eal danger to your child and  you need to watch him carefully and  your son when he is anywhere around.  He may have some problems or personality disorder but I wouldn't tell your sister than.  I do think tht you needed to speak out. She is not stopping him from inappropriate behavior and ou need to protect him. 

Keep watching out and limit the time when he can be with you or your son.  And when he is there, watch your son like a hawk.  I think the boy is very jealous and he could hurt  your child seriously.

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