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I laughed til I cried!!

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:18 AM
  • 5 Replies
Think before you speak...

Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak -
the last one is great!

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could
immediately take the words back...  or that you could crawl into a hole?

Here are the Testimonials of a few people who did....


FIRST TESTIMONY:
I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back
My husband didn't say a word...
he knew better.


SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.
Afte
r browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.
He asked if he could help me.
Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."
My sister started to laugh hysterically.  The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day,
my sister has never let me forget.


FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust
and annoyance from other patrons.  I told her that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you
kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"  Th e silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.  Even the tellers stopped what they were doing.
I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow
The last thing I heard when the door closed=2
0behind me, were screams of laughter.


FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training, and I was on him constantly.
One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch, in between errands.  It was very busy, with a full dining room.
While enjoying my taco,
I smelled something funny,
so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.
The realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while.
I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No." I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me."
Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

"No," he replied.
I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny did you have an accident?" This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants,
bent over, spread his cheeks
and yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,
he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.  An old couple made me feel better,
thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:
This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days
and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will,
in the future, likely think before she speaks.
What
happens when you predict snow but don't get any!
We had a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked:
"So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

Now, didn't that feel good?
Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh
and remember
we all say things we don't really mean,
so think before you speak!!!!!

 




 




 




 




 

by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:18 AM
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Replies (1-5):
knglenn22
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:22 AM

I am in tears from laughing so hard!!  Those are hilarious!




bablondie
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:24 AM

OMG soooo funny!!

I can relate to the just potty trained 3 year old boy! I ask my son that all the time when I smell something and I could just see him doing something like that to embarass me! My son has never done THAT, but he will screech "No, I just farted!" really loud which is embarassing!

Or try going to the bathroom and go no. 2 with a toddler, trust me they'll announce it to the WORLD...if not they'll at least ask out loud "are you going poop, mom?" if you fart or anything. OMG LOL

littlelady1
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:30 AM

hehehehehehhehehehehehehhehehhehehehehhehe omg i love it!

vivian mom to gracie and johnny

tigereyes
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:31 AM

OMG! I was rolling on thefloor , I was laughing so hard! Thanks for sharing!


CharlotteAnn
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:34 AM

This was cute!

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