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Found out I may not be in this world much longer and have a question? Please help!!!

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:47 AM
  • 28 Replies

Ok, I just found out I am sick, well I have been feeling like death warmed over for about two months now I find out its because I have a rare really long word thing and I am going to have to have several surgerys. I am only 26 and I don't have a will.  My sons SPERM DONOR is VERY abusive and is an acholic, he is NOT on the birth certificate saw MY son when he was 2 months old and taht was it. SO I want my parents to have my son if anything should happen to me, is that possible? I am thinking about all this at 1 in the morning and stressing and its not like I can call a lawyer and ask so I was wondering if anyone on here knew. almost all the other groups I belong to are dead because they are all sleeping so please, anyone

baby growth


galaxy questcosleeping mommyProud Work At Home Mom Blinkiehomebirth blinkie

by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:47 AM
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Replies (1-10):
jamiesuev22
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 3:57 AM

Oh my gosh Mama I'm so sorry your going through this!!  I don't know anything about it but I would think especially if isn't even on the birth certificate your wishes would be followed.  I'm married to my dd's father but still feel the  same way if anything were ever to happen to me!  Hopefully someone elses will have some thoughts on this!  Again, I'm so sorry!

erika_g
by Bronze Member on Feb. 13, 2009 at 4:00 AM

Should you pass away i believe your baby will go to next of kin and since the dad is not on the birth certificate i assume he has no parental rights so the baby then goes to your mom. i hope this helps good luck with your surgery i wish you all the best

snowpeasmom
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 4:00 AM

thanks

baby growth


galaxy questcosleeping mommyProud Work At Home Mom Blinkiehomebirth blinkie

juliegorham
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 4:02 AM

no idea but im pretty sure a living will shouldnt be too hard to do. you will absolutely be in my prayers mama!! 

mama2jarednrae
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 4:07 AM


Hope the best for you!

Quoting juliegorham:

no idea but im pretty sure a living will shouldnt be too hard to do. you will absolutely be in my prayers mama!! 


snowpeasmom
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 4:12 AM

thank you all for replying I was kind of hoping for an insomic lawyer that would know but I dont think I'll get one. I am going to be looking into living trust I hope they don't cost too much though I would go in debt to make sure my son was not left with his dna contributor.

baby growth


galaxy questcosleeping mommyProud Work At Home Mom Blinkiehomebirth blinkie

lvebug
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 4:16 AM

First off, I'm sorry that you are facing this.. He should go to next of kin, but different states have different laws and you may have to put it in a will. I pray that you may have all the strength that God can give and my you have peace at this trying time.

Sweet_Carol_126
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 4:17 AM

You need to have a will prepared.  I don't know if  you have property to leave or not, but you do need to prepare to name a guardian for  your child.  If you have propery, you can have one guardian for the property and one for the person of the child.  That person would raise him.  However, if the biological father wanted to go after the son, he might be able to get him by proving paternity but he'd have to take legal action for that.  Make sure, if you have property, to tie it up so he can't get that, even if he gets the child.  You could put it in a trust with a trustee who had total control of what money the child would get or that if your named guardian did not have the child then the money would remain there.  You have an alternate beneficiary of the trust as well.  You should have a back up guardian for your son in case your mother can't or refuses to take care of him. 

Good luck toyou. I hope the sureries go well and you can take care of him yourself.  It is a worry.  I had breast cancer when my kids were in grade school and I really prayed that I'd be able to raise them. I had a radical mastectomy  and haven't had a recurrance in about 40 years.  I raised my kids &  have 8 grandkids. 

You might want a separate document outside the will that states your objections to the father having the child because of the alcohol abuse.  If he was physically abusive you need to put that in there.  Have it notarized and give it to your mother in case she has to fight for custody at any time.  but one thing you could do is to tie up any money you would leave your son by putting it in a trust with him as beneficiary, but with the trustee having total control of all funds to be spent on his care, including giving no funds if he is not in the care of your designated guardians.  Then be careful about who you name as guardians and as trustee.  Trustee should not be a beneficiary under the trust. 

This is not a legal opinion.  I am not a registered attorney licensed to practice law.  Went to law school, but this is not a legal opinion.  Just some things I've thought of myself, but haven't acted on them in the case of a husband and 2nd marriage. 

Good luck to you.

sweetktn
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 4:18 AM

You can set it up to have who ever you want take care of your son should anything happen to you. The "sperm donor" could try for custody in court so I would make sure there is documentation as to what a loser and abuser he is so that if he tries he will lose. I know you don't need to hear that right now but to be safe you should know about it. Best thing to do is call a lawyer or check into legal aid. Usually there is an income limit on legal aid but seeing your situation they may help you even if you are over the limit. Good luck and I hope every thing turns out ok for you. You'll be in my prayers.

              


Sweet_Carol_126
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 4:19 AM


Quoting juliegorham:

no idea but im pretty sure a living will shouldnt be too hard to do. you will absolutely be in my prayers mama!! 

A living will usually deals with health care and things like do not rescussitate and that kind of stuff.  It is a leal will or Last Will and Testament that is needed though she may need a living will as well.  Might also need a durable power of attorney to handle financial things in case she is incapacitated and bills  have to be paid.  It can also relate to medical decisions.

 


 

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