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My cousin...I'm sworn to secrecy so I have nowhere else to write this (sorta long)

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 5:00 AM
  • 5 Replies

Okay, well my cousin is 18. Or almost I think. Well, she had been dating this guy she met online for like almost 2 years. They never met because well, neither one had the money and he was in the Army and he went to Iraq almost a year ago. Their relationship was phone and computer based. Nobody knew this but her, but, she wasn't being completely honest with him about herself. I don't know the whole story but she lied big time about a lot of stuff. She said she was older, showed someone else's pics to him as her, basically told him she had a different life. She just now confessed this to me tonight.

I feel I should tell y'all this part, it doesn't make what she did right by ANY means. I think it was wrong but I feel like this is part of the story and y'all should know about it if you read this. Her father killed himself when she was about 6 years old. She didn't know him well due to him being in the Navy and being gone so many times but still, she was a little girl and that was her daddy. After that, her and her mom Anna moved in with my aunt and uncle, her mom's parents. Anna mourned for a year and then she met a guy I won't use his real name so lets call him T, and a few months after she met him, she moved him in with her, her parents and her daughter in there 3 bedroom house. I don't know when it was but well T had been in rehab before meeting Anna and i think about 3 or 4 years into the relationship they were both doing weed and cocaine. My cousin never knew about it till later being she was about 10. But they went to a 12 step program which is when my cousin found out, then they quit the program but as far as everyone knew, they were only drinking and that is why they quit. They went back to the program years later but then quit again. From what i know, being my family knows everything about everyone, T would never fully grow up, I don't know the whole story but he would expect Anna and him to go out and do whatever whenever and my aunt and uncle would watch my cousin. That did go on for awhile from my understanding. My mom told me they would stay in there room a lot. They were off and on for about 10 years, he moved out in 2007, but they were together just not living together. Then around this time last year, T told Anna he wanted to see other people and he moved onto a older woman, and then over the summer, Anna went a bit wild but then her and T got back together by August last year cuz he supposedly had changed but then in October, she gave him up for good. (Anna has finally met a nice guy and he has a great job and a good life and hes really good to her but that's kind of O/T.)

Well, my cousin told me tonight about how she made so much up. I asked her why she lied and she said she had never planned to let it get that far. She said it originally started because she didn't want to have to tell people about her dad and her mom and T and deal with their reactions because she had told guys in the past flat out and they told her she probably had issues and that she was being fake because shes peppy and bubbly, thats generally how she is because she said she isn't going to let her parent's mistakes ruin her life, and she said she got sick of hearing that so she made some stuff up. She told me she had planned numerous times that she was going to break it off and have him never find out but she honestly fell for him after she had already made up everything. She said she's regretted doing it for so long because she does love him. Her boyfriend got a leave from Iraq for so many days, and he got to chose where to go and he chose to come straight here to see her. I knew about this when he was on the way and at that time, I didn't know she hadn't been honest. Then, I think he got here last friday. She didn't see him friday. She was going to see him Saturday night but she was sick. He begged and pleaded for her to come see him. He was at a hotel. Then Sunday night she went to see him. She told me what happened, I'll try to remember what she said. She told me a great deal of what happened, I may leave some stuff out. She said she told him the truth on the phone at around 9pm. She broke down and told him. He told her to come over to the hotel and they'll talk about it and he wasn't ruling anything out and there was a chance for anything. He told her there was two beds and she could stay and he was getting a rental car in the morning and he would take her home. She got her mom to take her, her mom knew about him and everything but doesn't know about the lying part.

Well, she went over there and she said they were fine to begin with. He hugged her and and she said I know, i'm not pretty(she is pretty, she just doesn't think she is). He told her no, she really was. Then he kissed her. She said they sat down and talked and she answered all his questions and they talked for a few hours, I can't remember everything she said they talked about but she said they seemed kind of normal. Then he was going to bed because he was leaving in the morning to go home to see his family. And he asked her if she needed to say anything else and then she took his hand and then he full on kissed her and she said that she did pull him onto the bed and they made out. Then he asked her if she wanted to do anything. Well, she is a virgin. So she told him that she did not have protection. He didn't either. But well, she gave him a head job. Then he stopped her and she stood up and he pulled her pants down and she sat down and then he told her to turn around. She told him she hadn't ever had sex before and she wasn't ready just yet. She tried to finish him with her mouth but he stopped her and told her if they weren't having sex, there was no need.

Then he told her he didn't wanna be with her. She said why. He told her it was because she lied to him and all that. Then he got in one bed and turned off all the lights. She said she can't sleep in the dark. He told her she could leave. But she asked him if she could get in and he let her then she asked him to hold her and he did. Then he told her maybe he was being kind of harsh on her cuz she has had a hard life but it does not justify what she did. She told him she knew it didn't and she was sorry. Then he kissed her. Then she said a few minutes or so later he asked her to finish what she had been doing and she tried to but he had been drinking and he wanted to mess with her so she eventually stopped. Then they got in a HUGE fight, I am not really sure how it happened and he eventually told her to get the fuck out but she wouldn't so he tried to leave but she wouldn't let him. Then he got into the other bed and he let her turn the tv on but muted it and she said she wrote him a note while he was asleep and put it on his hat and then she went to sleep and then his alarm woke her up and he was getting dressed and she mentioned the note and he told her he read it and it was in the trash. She asked him to stay but he just kept telling her to shut the fuck up and then he called a cab to go get the rental car and well she got up and got her shoes and stuff back on then he left and she followed him and she tried to call her Mom and was trying to get a ride and she called a few people and well no answer so she asked him if he was getting a rental car and he nodded and she said she had no way home then he told her she could ride in the cab and they go straight to her place and he could get his stuff. He had had boots and some other stuff shipped to her house so he could wear when he saw her. Well they went to her house and she said she just went in and forgot about him and then he knocked on the door and she went and found something and gave it to him and she couldn't find the other stuff so she then told him she would send him the other stuff. He left then. She had told everyone they broke up but had not told anyone the whole reason why.

I'm the first person she has really told what happened. I don't really know why I'm posting it here, I guess to tell someone since I'm sworn to secrecy. I told her she is not a bad person. It wasn't right to do that but shes not a bad person. I think that was the best thing to say.

by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 5:00 AM
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by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 5:13 AM

I feel bad for her.maybe she just wanted to reach out to someone.hes a real prick.she sounds like a sweet girl.I had bf like that,my 1rst borns dad.for yrs he kept cheatinand I kept forgivin until i coouldnt take anymore.Oh and my lil sis is 18 and she has a bf that shes been talkin to on and off since she was 14.well he went to the military last yr and they broke up,they got back together about a month ago then his other ex called and told him she was 3mon preg.Right now im sworn to secrecy that i won tell my mom because shell demand a break up.hes a good guy just made a wrong choice.well i hope ur cuz finds someone.My hubby found me at a local burger king,then ni saw him at the park and its been us ever since.

by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 5:19 AM

Do you think she told you the truth?  It sure sounds far fetched to me. 

I can't imagine why anyone would go to a hotel room with someone they had never met  but I know there are women who doo foolish things.  She was lucky she didn't get raped, if she didn't.  Let's hope she doesn't turn up pregnant from the alleged  "head job". 

He used her as she had told him the truth before so she is better with him out of her life.  And she does sound as though she has issues.  Not only did she make up an elaborate lie to tell him, but she went to a hotel to see a guy she had never met and didn't really know anything about.  He could have been a serial rapist or killer.  Why didn't she have him come to her home or meet him at a restaurant where they could talk and she could tell him in a safer environment?  Why did she stay at a hotel with a man or her mother take her there and not counsel her not to go?

Do you hae a good relationship with your cousin other than this situation?  Does she realize that she could have been raped and the police probably wouldn't do anything about it as she went to a hotel and stayed the night with a guy she didn't know? 

I am not tryng to bash her or you, but I am shocked that she would do this when it could have been so very dangerous.  I figure she got off lucky and I hope she makes better decisions in the future.  Not just about the lying or not lying but also in how to get acquainted with men and how to protect herself. 

I hope  you can explain to her how lucky she is and that it could have been really bad.  He could have knocked her around or raped her in any number of ways.  Maybe they did have sex and she just didn't tell you all of it. 

I hope not. 

I can see why you had to talk to someone and it is a big load to carry.   Good luck to  you both


by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 8:40 AM

I don't feel bad for her. What did she really expect? She put herself up for a bad situtation by making some bad decisions. And to become sexual with someone you just met in person.... Can you get her the book "He's just not that into you?" (never mind the movie) so she can learn to know how a woman with self respect should expect to be treated. It sounds like her past, or rather her MOTHER's past, is dictating her choices now. And she does have choices. She is not her Mother. She needs to learn and understand that and realize the things she does now will haunt her dreams the rest of her life. She shouldn't do anything she won't want to relive in her head over and over. In other words, set higher standards, learn to love herself, and live up to higher standards. She, as well as every other woman, deserves better.

by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 8:50 AM

This does sound very far far fetched. Are you sure she told you the truth? If so she put her self in a very bad situation, and you should talk to her about this. You don't go to a hotel room with someone you never met, and then become sexual with them .The weirdest part of the story is that he shipped stuff to her house then she walked inside and forgot about him? I don't believe that.

by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 9:43 AM

Quoting aidyns_mommy:

This does sound very far far fetched. Are you sure she told you the truth? If so she put her self in a very bad situation, and you should talk to her about this. You don't go to a hotel room with someone you never met, and then become sexual with them .The weirdest part of the story is that he shipped stuff to her house then she walked inside and forgot about him? I don't believe that.

I think she knew he was there and all, obviously, but she was talking to her mom, being she was upset, and forgot, well wasn't thinking about getting his stuff. 

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