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why do I have to feel this way?! Bashers..move on..

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 9:51 AM
  • 17 Replies

WARNING! Please do not bash!!! Not even really looking for advice, just need to get this out of my head! It's our life and it works for us and we are both happy! So if you are just here to bash move on!!

With that said..

Long story short...After I was divorced..well a girls got needs, and a friendship with one of my friends turned into a friends with benefits.  A year later..my now bf and I got together, been together now for a year...and well I still have my FWB relationship.  Yes my bf knows and I would NEVER do anything with B (the FWB) without my bf knowing beforehand, if he says no, then no, simple as that.  Its not that I am hooking up with B all the time only every few months or so.  Bf is okay with this because he is "safe" meaning i would never leave him for B.  As B is a 21 yo (I am 28) self proclaimed "functioning alcoholic", who doesn't want kids at this point, not sure he ever will so being a mom of 2 kids and would NEVER allow that much alcohol consumed around my kids..yeah not really going anywhere with him unless he basically changes everything about himself and I don't want anybody to have to change for my anyway...so yeah he's "safe". But this is what bothers me..a LOT...When B and I kiss there is such freakin passion behind it so much so it scares me sometimes.  The kind of passion I have never felt with my bf, I love him to death but it drives me insane that I just "feel" so much more when I am with B.  Maybe a case of you want what you can't have?  I WANT so badly to feel that with my bf, but I just don't.which makes me feel guilty as hell.  i know, I know the easiest thing would be just to cut all ties with B, but damn it, it feels SO good to feel that way once in a while! I hate that it makes me question everything with my bf..is he really the one I want to spend the rest of my life with? and no, I don't think B is either but who else is out there..maybe someone else that I could feel the passion with? Idk..I don't want to lose my bf but i do wonder if I am with the right person sometimes.

Ugh! anyway I just needed to get that out..thanks for "listening"!

 

by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 9:51 AM
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Replies (1-10):
Jademom07
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 9:53 AM

This reference to B and bf got me confused...

I hope that you figure it out and are enjoying your life. 

DnC0203
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 9:57 AM

Well I havent been in that position particularly but I had a FWB thing with someone I consider a good friend. I got with a new guy but always missed the passion with me and the FWB. I always second guess whether the new guy was the one because there was something missing. Eventually I realized what was missing was me giving him a real chance. I was holding onto someone else and didnt TRULY see what was in front of me til it was too late. Either way you'll figure it out. Good luck.

dragonflykiss44
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 9:57 AM

so you have a bf AND a fwb? and your bf doesnt care?? just trying to understand what i read.

good luck

j_c_c_s_l
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 10:00 AM

well I am not bashing but am trying to open your eyes a lil.you have a lil girl so you really should stop having different men in your life for her sake.she sees you unhappy and confused and just needs stability there are worse things in life than being single or alone.you owe it to yourself and your lil girl to stop the instability and bring security to you both.again sorry if you think I'm bashing trust me I am not I just want you to get it together!!!!!!!!! (I see now you have 2 kids so do it for both of them)

el_dj_mom
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 10:02 AM

yeah i do..bf and I have been back together for a year (we were together for a while when I was 15) and the FWB started about 2 years ago.  And no as long as my bf knows that I am with the FWB he doesn't care..strange situation..I know lol

Quoting dragonflykiss44:

so you have a bf AND a fwb? and your bf doesnt care?? just trying to understand what i read.

good luck


smiles2008
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 10:03 AM

i'd say that you feel that way with FWB because your getting your cake and eating it too so i think maybe thats why you have soo much passion with B. IMO

dragonflykiss44
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 10:05 AM

LOL, i'm glad you didnt take that as bashing. i totally wasnt. but i understand now...strange situation yes. but i get it now.

Quoting el_dj_mom:

yeah i do..bf and I have been back together for a year (we were together for a while when I was 15) and the FWB started about 2 years ago.  And no as long as my bf knows that I am with the FWB he doesn't care..strange situation..I know lol

Quoting dragonflykiss44:

so you have a bf AND a fwb? and your bf doesnt care?? just trying to understand what i read.

good luck

 


Momof51974
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 10:06 AM

been there done that.... if B wasn't forbidden fruit and it wasn't "wrong" then it wouldn't feel so passionate...  just some golden advice from a 35 year old who played that game and found out the hard way.

el_dj_mom
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 10:07 AM

no I do not think you are bashing but I should probably claify that my kids know nothing of my FWB.  I only hook up with him when my kids are at their dads house or if I go out after they are sleeping and my bf is home with them.

Quoting j_c_c_s_l:

well I am not bashing but am trying to open your eyes a lil.you have a lil girl so you really should stop having different men in your life for her sake.she sees you unhappy and confused and just needs stability there are worse things in life than being single or alone.you owe it to yourself and your lil girl to stop the instability and bring security to you both.again sorry if you think I'm bashing trust me I am not I just want you to get it together!!!!!!!!! (I see now you have 2 kids so do it for both of them)


katzmeow726
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 10:09 AM

This is not bashing I promise.  But as a parent you have got to stop acting like a party going college kid.  It also seems unfair to your BF that you have more passion with your FWB.  It may be time to step back and evaluate things.  Like I told a friend of mine this week, you may need to try being single for a while, till you find yourself ready for an exclusive and stable relationship.  Your kids need to see that in your life, so that they can learn from your example.

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