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The story of my life, one day at a time, more has been added

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:00 PM
  • 4 Replies

I don't know if I ever told the story of my life. I think I could write a book about it. I am sure a lot of people think the same of their lives too. Well here is mine. The  beginning anyway. I'll update as days go by. So I was born to a teen mother who lost her bf in a car accident (yes that would be my father) when she was about one month pregnant. She tried to raise me by herself but after three months gave me to her mother. She went on to live her life without me having more children and giving them away eventually also. I was raised in a home with druggies and alcoholics. I was the oldest of four children she had and gave away. She meet one guy after another. Somewhere along her life started doing drugs and keeps that from me to this day. I guess she started out a pothead like most, then moved on to pills and coke. I don't know when she picked up these habits. When I was about nine she overdose on a rainbow of pills. How do I know since I didn't live with her you ask. Well lucky for me she did this in my room at her mother's house and I walked in on her laying on my bed with a rainbow of pills laying beside her. So I was able to have the thought on my concsious do I call the cops or ambulance on my mom? Will she be mad at me? Well I went to the phone looked at it and didn't call because my thought was she would hate me. Luckily my grandmother found her and called. I never thought back then my mom does drugs. A nine year old doesn't think of stuff like that, at least I didn't. Later in my life I would remember what my mother did only to do it myself. I talk about that more later. I just would like to get my story out there. I feel the need to speak about it and have no family to listen to me so you all will here my life so I can get it off me chest.

So I remember when I was about 5 and I woke up to screaming and yelling. I got out of bed and slowly made my way down the hall and would peak around each corner before proceeding, once I knew I would not be seen I would go on. I got to the little hallway and could look down it and see one figure hunch over another. I all knew was it was my two uncles fighting. I did not know which one had the other one in a headlock but the one in the headlock was yelling "mom he's going to knock my teeth out!" I couldn't make out whose voice it was. My grandmother was also yelling her famous words, "stop it!" Boy did I hear those words a lot. That was as far back as I could remember when the fighting started. I am sure it started sooner, I just only remember that far back.
OK I'll jump a few years or more now. I am 12 my mother is living at the house with us (her mom, step dad, her brother, his girlfriend). She never stays long but anyway she was there this time. I don't know what triggered him this day but he decided to throw my toys at my mother. She ran to her room as I was coming out of mine (right next to hers) I seen it fly and hit the door, it missed me. I went back in my room. what he didn't throw at us he pawned  or sold. I lost my ten speed, my TV, my stereo, and a couple of beds. he would sell anything someone would buy, it was mostly my stuff that he would sell or use for himself.
OK now lets jump again, I am 14 not old enough for a regular license (not even a restrictors) but I am told to drive my grandmother's son wherever it is he wants to go. One day again out of the blue he starts yelling at his mother I hear the screaming bout can't make it out, so i go to my door to hear more clearly. He is yelling about me, saying I am a whore and a slut and probably pregnant. I hadn't even had sex yet at that point. I hear foot steps, I back away from my door just in time, he pushes it open and says see she knows she is listening. I can't take it no more. The next morning a take my medicine, I look at it and read the directions and the precautions. I take it all and go to school and hope I don't make it through the day, but at P.E. when I am shaking tremendously and can no longer walk or stand the teacher sends me to the nurse with two students holding me up. No hospital is called just my grandmother who tells them not to call the hospital. So obviously I made it through. A few months later her son wants to go somewhere and I am to drive him. I shake around him, he terrifies me. I get in the car and he tells me when to turn left or right never giving me a destination. We end up in drug town at a drug house. The car is surrounded, I had my window halfway down when we pulled up and they are poking their heads in the car. I am scared, the guy in the backseat keeps leaning over the back of my seat and putting the car in drive and telling me to stomp it when Tom (my grandmother's son) gets in. I keep putting it in reverse knowing I cannot go forward b/c there's a fence, a yard and several guys lined up in a row that I am not going to attempt to run over b/c I am afraid they would shoot at us. They lay the drugs on the trunk of the car and Tom lays down the money. He looks at it and I guess agrees it is good, I don't look anyone in the face. I don't look back to long I look ahead quickly and just decide its best I look inside the car and try not to look at any of these people.  A few days later I tell my grandmother and she says "He wouldn't take you there." so i'm a liar or she thinks he is not capable of being careless. I don't know. One day I find a plate, tin foil, and a spoon under the couch and show her she says, "Put that back." OK guess she just doesn't care.
I will leave you with this one; One day him and I were arguing I don't know what started it I could have been making a sandwich while he was napping and woke him. anyway he and I was arguing and he finally left  and I went to my room I was shaking again (nothing new there) but she (my grandmother) comes in and shouts at the top of her lungs, one inch from my face, "HE IS MY SON!"  What is that suppose to mean, I have no idea except I guess she made her choice and I needed to get out of that house. Needless to say I left and came back b/c where is a teen to go that has no dad and doesn't know where her mom is, and if I did that didn't mean she wanted me, but anyway I got kicked out at 8 months pregnant and 19 years old, for fighting with her son. I told her as i was leaving,"I'll never come back." She said I would, I never did.

09/01/09

At about ten years old I remember Tom (my uncle) knocking my grandmother's boyfriend out of his wheelchair and hitting his stepson and nephew heads together. Tom threw objects at everyone, yelled, and cussed. He stoled from everyone family, friends and the stores. He would steal from me (yes when I was a child). He would yell at me and threaten me. At 15 my grandmother had me driving him around town. I would take him whereever he wanted to go. I was always so scared riding with him. I don't know what I thought he was going to do but the yelling and cussing was enough to make my nerves stay on edge. I always trembled and was very nervous around him. I am working on not being so timid and nervous around people to this day. I find it embarrassing that when I suddenly tremble because someone is in my face and yelling at me. I know they don't know what I through as a child and a young adult. For example, I work in a book store and one day a young girl came in and ask if we had a book and I point to it. She got angry and said she wasn't a dog and continued yelling. Well of course I started to tremble and had trouble breathing also, she notice and said, I don't care. You better stop that." Like I could control my tremors and erratic breathing. By her saying that she was only making it worse on me.

11/20

One night my grandmother's son (Tom) took me, my friend, and his stepson to the fishcamp. He was drinking. We ask him if we could go to the store in his car (none of us were old enough to drive). He let us. I started out driving, then one of the other two asked to drive so I pulled over and let them. They turned down a narrow dirt road that lead to someone driveway. So we decided to turn around thinking we had enough room backing up but we didn't. The car slipped down into the ditch. We got out and looked for boards to put under the tires and tried to get the car out but it wouldn't budge. Time went by and we kept trying. Finally we realized the car wasn't going to move and we starting walking. My step grandfather (Bill), Tom, and Tom's gf (Katie) found us walking along side the road. They pulled over we got in and they asked where the car was. We told them how to get to it. Tom starting yelling (with good reason, I guess). Although he did let us drive it. Who knows what he told grandpa though. They took us home to come back and get the car. Katie tried to defend us and Tom put her in a headlock and started punching her in her head. We all shut up and grandpa just drove.

more later...

by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:00 PM
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Replies (1-4):
Amaris_amor
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:04 PM

Well, damn it... I start reading something intresting and now I have to wait...

Expectingpeanut
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:51 PM


Quoting Amaris_amor:

Well, damn it... I start reading something intresting and now I have to wait...


MommyLoca
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:54 PM


Quoting Amaris_amor:

Well, damn it... I start reading something intresting and now I have to wait...


jella31
by Angela on Feb. 13, 2009 at 12:58 PM


Quoting Expectingpeanut:

 

Quoting Amaris_amor:

Well, damn it... I start reading something intresting and now I have to wait...

 


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