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Why is my husband being like this? It's so unfair & selfish!

Posted by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 1:45 PM
  • 18 Replies

So one of my friends has a 4 month old son. We were pregnant together but I had my daughter 3 months before her. She isn't the best mother in the world , but she doesn't do anything like hit him or abuse him. Hes a real chunker so I know he is fed well & he's always clean & seems happy for the most part. He sleeps ALOT , I know he's still little but at 4 months old my babies were a little more alert & playful. She doesn't give him too much attention , when I go visit he's always in his swing. She'll get him out to feed him then put him right back in it so he'll go to sleep. She also has an 8 year old daughter that my oldest daughter is friends with.

You may remember some other posts about these people. They use to be our neighbor but got evicted , it was my idea (Out of kindness) to let them live with us for a few weeks until they found their own place. They never paid rent , but helped with groceries every now & then ...She was on food stamps & wic.

Anyways... In my eyes , they owe us nothing. I do things for people to be kind because you never know when you & your family will be in the sitatation they were in. Actually I've been there before myself.

Well for the past few times they've came over here , the baby & her oldest daughter have been with someone else ...Either her aunt or her mom. They've been drunk & my friend likes to take Xanax... I'm not talking just one or two of them...A hand full most of the time. She's out of it so bad that you literally can't understand what she's talking about. Her boyfriend smokes weed. I don't have too many problems with weed because my husband smokes it every now & then.

So I was asking my husband last night if I could keep their baby every once in a while so they can go out & do their thing without the baby being pawned off on whoever. Or left in the car like he was when they came over about 20 mins ago. He was sleeping , but still. He said Hell no, atleast not for free. They owe us for this & that , whatever.

I don't care about the money , I can about the well being of this child. I don't want to call CPS because they're not abusing him in any way , they're just not very responsible parents. I feel the need to help & protect babies like this. I have a strong urge in my heart that this is one thing I was put on this earth to do. I don't care if they take advantage of me & drop him off everyday , at least I'd know he's safe & taken care of as long as he's here.

I have 3 daughters of my own , 7 , 4 ,& 7 months. It would be tough but I'm not thinking about myself in this situation , I'm thinking about little Tucker (Thats his name). He's so precious.

So when they came by today I told them I would baby sit for FREE anytime they wanted me to. They said cool & even mentioned they might bring him tonight. I would rather them just give him to me lol - I know they love him & care for them but I feel like I have so much more to offer as far as love & compassion goes for this lil fella.

We don't have lot of money , were pretty much struggling ourselves & at the moment I have 2 disconnect notices hanging on my fridge... But atleast I could give him love & safety.

I know my husband doesn't want me to do this ...for his own selfish reasons. But should I go ahead & take him if they bring him by later? My husband isn't going to be the one getting up for feedings or taking care of him , so I don't see why it should matter to him ... It was my choice.

I don't want to  have more babies of my own so I would like to keep other babies to kinda fill that void or to temp. fix my baby fever sometimes lol

Whos right & whos wrong in this situation? What should I do? Just be like Hi honey ...Oh yeah Tucker is here lol.

by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 1:45 PM
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Replies (1-10):
babybutterfly2
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 1:55 PM

I would call CPS because they are being abusive parents.  It might not be physical but to leave a child, asleep or not in the care for any period of time is neglectful.  The parents are taking drugs (presctiption or not, she is taking way to many according to your post) and smoking pot, so why do you have any second thoughts on calling CPS to get the kids help.  What happens if she decides one day to leave him asleep in the car when its 95 degrees outside?  Or she or he drives somewhere drunk, high, or stoned, with the kids in the car and they are in a tragic fatal accident?  Your concience would eat you alive I bet because you seem to care about the kids according to your post.  You need to take a look at what you are saying and then ask yourself if you really think they are just slack in parenting skills here?  Do you watch the news and see what happens to kids in the same situations?  How many kids die everyday because mom or dad was to out of it to care for them or they were killed in an accident?  Not to seem like I am bashing you, because I am not, I just wanted to get you to see that what you wrote here is a description of a neglect case.  Your hubby is right here though, you should not let her walk over you by assuming you are going to always help her out of situations, and if she is getting wic and food stamps then she should be turned in for neglecting those kids.

 

mcginnisc
by Gold Member on Feb. 13, 2009 at 1:56 PM

I'm sure I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear...

Honestly, I think that you are wrong to contemplate disrespecting your dh in this situation. I understand that you want to do something nice for your pal, but obviously your dh has his reasons and told you what they are. They may not be valid to you, but to him they are. If you do go ahead and just take the baby tonight, you will be disregarding your dh's feelings.

Also, the fact that she is doing drugs, constantly leaving the kids, etc..is neglectful. Both of the parents are doing drugs and from the way it sounds they are doing it around the children. In my world, that is just wrong.

JMO

Claire

Carolbrady100
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 1:57 PM

I dont think that there is a right or a wrong here, just a difference of opinion. I understand where you are coming from, but I also understand where your husband is coming from. In a way you are enabling these parents to abuse drugs and alcohol, by taking care of their kids while they do it. You may be getting in over your head, they seem the type to take advantage. I see why your husband doesnt want anything to do with it.I dont think I would either!

Ms.Adventure
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 2:00 PM

Before this post turns into a 'what is right, what is wrong' thing, I just wanted to take a couple of seconds to say that, no matter what you and your husband decide to do, I think you are really kind-hearted and admirable to want to make sure that little guy gets some love and attention. :)

You made me smile. I like you :)

                      

A.J.s_mommy
by Ruby Member on Feb. 13, 2009 at 2:01 PM

I understand you want to protect him...but your friend needs to freaking grow up.  The xanax thing is a problem, and she needs to seek help for that. 

ElijahsMommy58
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 2:03 PM

I agree.

Quoting babybutterfly2:

I would call CPS because they are being abusive parents.  It might not be physical but to leave a child, asleep or not in the care for any period of time is neglectful.  The parents are taking drugs (presctiption or not, she is taking way to many according to your post) and smoking pot, so why do you have any second thoughts on calling CPS to get the kids help.  What happens if she decides one day to leave him asleep in the car when its 95 degrees outside?  Or she or he drives somewhere drunk, high, or stoned, with the kids in the car and they are in a tragic fatal accident?  Your concience would eat you alive I bet because you seem to care about the kids according to your post.  You need to take a look at what you are saying and then ask yourself if you really think they are just slack in parenting skills here?  Do you watch the news and see what happens to kids in the same situations?  How many kids die everyday because mom or dad was to out of it to care for them or they were killed in an accident?  Not to seem like I am bashing you, because I am not, I just wanted to get you to see that what you wrote here is a description of a neglect case.  Your hubby is right here though, you should not let her walk over you by assuming you are going to always help her out of situations, and if she is getting wic and food stamps then she should be turned in for neglecting those kids.



DnC0203
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 2:03 PM

I semi agree with this person...

and along with it.. I get that you want to do this for the child to be sure he's loved and safe. But at the same time you are condoning your friends behavior... Maybe you should sit down and tell them what you are seeing.. even if it may upset them. The baby deserves more than that.. and letting them pawn their child on you and your family.. it isn't right. For the baby's sake though.. I hope they can get control of their need for partying and realize the blessing they have.

Quoting mcginnisc:

I'm sure I'm not going to tell you what you want to hear...

Honestly, I think that you are wrong to contemplate disrespecting your dh in this situation. I understand that you want to do something nice for your pal, but obviously your dh has his reasons and told you what they are. They may not be valid to you, but to him they are. If you do go ahead and just take the baby tonight, you will be disregarding your dh's feelings.

Also, the fact that she is doing drugs, constantly leaving the kids, etc..is neglectful. Both of the parents are doing drugs and from the way it sounds they are doing it around the children. In my world, that is just wrong.

JMO

Claire


LaNette000
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 2:03 PM

 The baby needs to be in a safe place, what if something bad happens and you will have horrible regret. Discuss this with your husband a little more, maybe he will see things in a better light. Is this womanwilling to hand him over to you? If I took a child in from such a situation, I would cringe when I did have to send him home to the parents.Something needs to be done for this child. Yeah, I know we were getting on each others nerves this morning, chuckles!!! Oh well, that was a different topic, wasn't it!

Orionsgirl
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 2:06 PM

I'm with your husband. Partying, weed smoking, put-my-kid-in-a-swing-all-day type parents aren't parents in my eyes. If you want to help in the long run then turn them in. Sounds like you have enough kids to care for yoursalf as it is.


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PugBug_117
by on Feb. 13, 2009 at 2:11 PM

I understand that you're kind-hearted and want to help.....but the fact is, they are abusing the kids. Maybe not physically, but emotionally. They're being negligent. You don't ever leave a child in a car, sleeping or not.

I would want to help the baby & 8 year old out too...but then they're just gonna go right back to their parents. I personally would call CPS for the sake of the children.

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