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A grounded 8 year old.... But for how long???

Posted by on Mar. 6, 2009 at 12:04 PM
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So, to make a long story short...... My  8 year old little girl had a horrible week!!!  Tuesday, I discovered the she took a screwdriver and carved the word "pizza" into an antique dresser in my bedroom.  (A dresser that isn't even mine.) Then Wednesday, she got in trouble at school for getting into an agruement with another little girl, disrupting the whole class.  AND THEN, while she was grounded to her room, she was using an ink pad with rubber stamps.  And instead of washing her hands when she got ink on them, she wiped her hand on the carpet, leaving an ink stain on the floor. (Again on Wednesday.)

So, since Wednesday, she has been without TV, computer, toys, her Nintendo DS, and today she is missing a school skating party, (the worst punishment of all in her eyes!!)  When I grounded her, I didn't tell her how long it was going to last, because at the time, I was so mad, I planned on her to be  grounded until her 18th birthday!!  LOL!!!  She has done nothing but read, do chores, and go to the bathroom for 2 1/2 days now. 

So, my question is.......  how long is long enough for an 8 year old to be grounded??  Do you think that she has "paid her dues", and has learned what she did wrong??   Do you think an 8 year old needs to be grounded for longer??

I would appreciate any advice or opinions that you have!! Thanks!!!!

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by on Mar. 6, 2009 at 12:04 PM
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Replies (1-10):
stefvan
by on Mar. 6, 2009 at 12:06 PM

I think 4 or 5 days at that age, especially since it was many things.  I swear the teen attitude starts at 8!

RaynesMommy07
by on Mar. 6, 2009 at 12:06 PM

Well I never was grounded as a kid.  But my lil brother was majority of his childhood lol.  When he was eight he wrote I love myself in permanent marker on my  mother's brand new kitchen floor lol  She grounded him for 5 days.   He never wrote on anything again that didn't belong to him lol.

Natashath09
by on Mar. 6, 2009 at 12:07 PM
at least a week

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paperlace59
by on Mar. 6, 2009 at 12:09 PM

We have an 8 year old that gets into trouble alot.  We ground him anywhere from a couple days to a week depending on the crime.  We have started to make him write sentences and he HATES that with a passion but it seems to be working so far. 

• ´¨¨)) -:¦:-¸.•´ .•´¨¨)) .•´¨¨))
((¸¸.•´ ..•´Paperlace ~aka~ -:¦:- .•´¨¨))
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mom-of-two9698
by on Mar. 6, 2009 at 12:13 PM
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I would say 3 days.  One day for each "offense".  If the punishment lasts too long it loses the effect.  However, I would have a VERY serious (and calm) talk with her about what she did and why she thought it was o.k. to to so and that it WILL NOT happen again!  I would also make her help to clean/repair the dresser and the carpet.  Good Luck!!! 

llmom1921
by on Mar. 6, 2009 at 12:16 PM

Yeah.....  She spent most of Thursday afternoon on her hands and knees scrubbing the carpet in her room.  (I swear she was there for at least 2 1/2 hours scrubbung and crying that it was "too hard, and never coming out"!!!!

Quoting mom-of-two9698:

I would say 3 days.  One day for each "offense".  If the punishment lasts too long it loses the effect.  However, I would have a VERY serious (and calm) talk with her about what she did and why she thought it was o.k. to to so and that it WILL NOT happen again!  I would also make her help to clean/repair the dresser and the carpet.  Good Luck!!! 


Blinkie MakerBlinkie Maker
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littles.gif picture by MadDweeby


 


mommieof2rboys
by on Mar. 6, 2009 at 12:17 PM

dito this i remember being grounded when i was in middle school gues what i got grounded from the fair!!! yep still remember it! i threw a brush at my mom! i think after being grounded fromt he skating rink party then she should be free!

Quoting mom-of-two9698:

I would say 3 days.  One day for each "offense".  If the punishment lasts too long it loses the effect.  However, I would have a VERY serious (and calm) talk with her about what she did and why she thought it was o.k. to to so and that it WILL NOT happen again!  I would also make her help to clean/repair the dresser and the carpet.  Good Luck!!! 


angel4174236
by on Mar. 6, 2009 at 12:19 PM

Well, My daughter is 8 1/2 and she has been grounded as long as a month. For what your daughter did I would ground her 2 weeks. Also, in the time she is grounded I would have a talk with her and ask her why she did those things so you can help fix it before it gets worse. My daughter kicked a kid at school, she told me she did it because the kid was going to break her ruler. I told her if he is not hurting you let him brake your stuff and them he will pay it back as well as get in touble with his parents. But if you have anymore problems email me at angel_4174_2008@live.com . I know what your going thur.

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dgmazy
by on Mar. 6, 2009 at 12:20 PM

Anywhere between three days to a week is probably appropriate - depending on how her behavior is while on "restriction."  I also think taking away her party probably made a big enough impact that grounding for longer than a few days would lose effectiveness.  I think it might be important (because she is coming up on the hormonal pre-puberty age where attitude and "bad days" will increase in frequency) to set some ground rules about behavior and consequences - if you haven't already done that. 

TheresaMomof9
by on Mar. 6, 2009 at 12:22 PM

Do you want to get to the root of the problem? Do you not want these things to happen again? Then unground her, have a heart-to-heart discussion, and figure out the root of the problem. In my book, the carving into the furniture is way worse (premeditated) than wiping ink on the carpet (that could've been just not thinking). WHY is she so angry? WHAT's going on at school? At home? New baby? New house? New school? Trouble with schoolwork? Trouble with friends? Something else?

She needs to know you love her deeply but will not tolerate willful destructive acts. Maybe the kid at school was bullying her--who knows...I'd be much more concerned with angry behavior at home. What does the teacher think? Have her grades slipped? What does your hubby think might be going on with her?

In your discussion with her, I'd forgive her, but let her know she's not quite off the hook. Since you will have to replace the piece of furniture, the family will  have to go without desserts for several weeks (I know it will cost more than that, but that will give her a natural consequence/cause and effect lesson). You are putting the 'dessert money' towards the new furniture.

Give her some alternatives for when she's angry. Some kids need more outdoor time to run around--others express frustration through painting pictures---at least give her a pillow and tell her to pound it when she's mad and  make sure you are available to her each night for a short time so she feels you are available to unload on.

My 9yo dd has been having trouble with our moving (which was 2 years ago!) She only lately told me how much she stillmisses the old house. She cried and cried one night and I didn't know what to say (we can't move back there) so I just held her, patted her back, and said,"I understand". She approached me later and said she felt so much better.

They need to feel their feelings count.

If she continues this behavior, you'll have to come up with a different strategy, but for right now I'd try to see the cause and work on that. 

God bless-

Theresa 

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