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should I get divorced? no bashing please

Posted by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 2:27 PM
  • 9 Replies

My husband is 21 and I am 19 we got married in 07. Two months later we found out that I was pregnant with our now 7 month old daughter. A little background info. (going to make a longstory short) In the beginning he told me the reason he shaves his head was because his grandma has cancer and it was to make her feel better about being bald...also he told me that he was born a quadruplet. there are several more ridiculous lies but im just trying to save time. anyway..the first time I ever met his grandma was a couple months after we had been together..anyway her hair was down to her butt!!!!! so one day when he was gone i went to his grandmas and asked her about all the stupid lies he had told me and she was hurt to hear what all he lied about. she never had cancer! and he was not a quad! and he lied about several other things..well i confronted him and he cried and said he was sorry still all the whle never giving me reasoning behind the lies. well around this time my dad had found out and of course hated him..but i didnt care because me and my dad were fighting so out of spite of my dad we got married. and now hear i am today..still being lied to and now i have a 7 month old daughter.(i would not take her back for all the money in the world) I have told him that i am leaving him next friday to go live with my dad until i can get an apartment. I went out and looked for a job all day on thursday. oh yeah he has had probably 7 jobs in the past two years and hasnt been able to keep one for more than 4 months. I told him i cant deal with the lies and him not being able to support us. I know I am doing the right thing but why do I feel so horrible? I am so scared to be on my own. there is a lot more to the story but i dont have a lot of time to tell it all. anyway i guess i just need some advice. I really hope i am doing the right thing. he keeps promising hes going to change and hes been the sweetest guy ever since i said i was going to leave. I kinda want to believe that he will but i dont want to be conned into staying. 

by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 2:27 PM
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Replies (1-9):
by Silver Member on Mar. 8, 2009 at 2:30 PM

if he is lying to you, he more than likely will never stop.  if i were in your shoes i would leave, i view lying as a major sign of disrespect!  gl mama!

by Janet B. Benson on Mar. 8, 2009 at 2:31 PM
he needs medical help... its not normal to lie so much. if he seeks treatment then maybe you guys can work it out?
by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 2:33 PM

he has said that he wants to try and get help but i dont know if he actually will

by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 2:35 PM

my youngest dad was like that he lied for no reason just lied and lied about weird stuff.. anyways they never change i left he got married to someone and i meet her and she was telling all these things and i cant help but smile and think to myself thank god its not me.. telling her the same bs that he was telling me.. i would move on.. all men cant be like this

by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 2:36 PM

He needs to seek therapy.  He has a compulsive lying disorder.  He really can't help it, unless he gets professional help.  I know it sounds strange.  As far as whether or not you should stay with him, that's up to you.  I don't think I would, unless he was in treatment and it was working.

by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 2:37 PM

It sounds like he isn't lying to hurt you, he may be a patheological liar...Which is something he can not help.  This sounds exactly like a friend I had in high school.  She lied for no reason.  Her lies became her truths.  He may need some therapy/counseling.  He may not be able to help it.


by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 2:38 PM

I suggest you keep on with your plan on leaving..get  job,housing etc and work on you and your daughter's life,however I would tell him that until he gets the help he needs than you two are better off seperated,divorced.Trust in a marriage is crucial and if you have no trust,you have no marriage.JMO.

by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 2:44 PM

Just know this:  A good indicator or future behavior is looking at past behaviors. :)  He is 21, maybe he needs help, maybe not, either way you need to take care of you and your daughter. It doesnt sound like he is going to any time soon.  As far as being scared, I get that!  You are not the 1st and wont be the last.  You will do just fine!  Good luck.

by on Mar. 8, 2009 at 2:48 PM

I ahve been married for 8 1/2 years, and we have been through some hard times, not the same as you guys, but we have had our share of problems.  About 5 years ago, I was leaving him, and he went and sought marriage councilling for us.  Honestly was the best thing we could have done for our marriage, our relationship is so strong now.

I think no matter what, unless it is adultry or abuse, it can be worked out.  exhaust all of your opyions before walking away,  Marriage should not be taken lightly, it is supposed to be a life long commitment.  Good luck!

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