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The Many Faces of Mom

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 7:26 AM
  • 6 Replies

When I became pregnant, I vowed the most important thing I could do for my family was to be consistent.

Two children later, my moods swing faster than a tennis ball at Wimbledon, my children are saving their allowance for exorcism and my husband calls me Sybil under his breath. Although he says he will never really understand me, I have finally convinced him that six moms are better than one, especially if one actually cooks.

Perky Mom In the morning I am Bright, Perky, Energetic Mom. "Good morning children!" I cry, flinging open the mini-blinds. "Are you ready for your breakfast of Eggs Benedict with cream, home-cured butter, and fresh baked bread right out of the oven?"

"What's today?" my preschooler asks, wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"It's Thursday!" I chirp. "The fifth day of the week in the Western calendar originally called by the Greeks 'the day of Thor.' Now get up so we can begin our day of educational adventures to stimulate your growing minds."

My children just stare. Perky Mom lasts until Efficient Mom arrives at 10:30.

"Okay kids!" I shout. "Enough arts and crafts! I will start three loads of laundry, scrub the bathroom and dust your room. Then we will leave for the park at 11:36, feed three ducks, two geese and eat our lunches on a bench at noon."

My children stare. Efficient Mom is replaced by Tired Mom at 1:00 p.m.

Tired Mom "What day is it again, Mom?" my preschooler asks.


"I dunno."

"Where's Baby Ben?"

"Who?"

"Why is drool dripping down the side of your chin?"

"I dunno."

Reality Mom arrives during naptime. "So what," I think, "if the wash isn't dry, the only thing clean in the bathroom is soap, and the only thing dusted is the screen on the television so we can see the picture. We're all dressed, fed, wearing clean underwear and don't smell."

Frantic Mom arrives half an hour before dinner. My children look as if they've been run over by a steamroller.

"Back off, kids!" I screech, throwing a bag of frozen peas in the microwave as the buzzer on the dryer rings and Baby Ben howls for milk. "These hands are registered weapons!" I exclaim while karate-chopping the lettuce for salad and drop-kicking the oven door closed. "What do you want from me!" I shriek. "Go back to the television. The macaroni and cheese will be done in a minute!"

Loving Mom My children just stare. My favorite mom is Loving Mom who arrives at bedtime.

"Aren't they sweet?" I coo stroking their hair as they sleep. "I just can't see how you men can work all day and miss out on all of this." I slowly shake my head at my husband. "I just don't understand you at all."

My husband just smiles.

by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 7:26 AM
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Replies (1-6):
bmw29
by Buttcrackncornchips on Apr. 8, 2009 at 7:32 AM

laughingthat sounds like me just the wrong order. 

athenax3
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 7:34 AM

LMAO!! That was excellent if you wrote it you really need to get it published, this was a really, really great read. And I could relate completely, it was like you were living my day with me, lol....


WhiskerLickins
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 7:37 AM

Cute!

Humboldt0608
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 7:38 AM

LOL... I love it!


Maries_Mom23
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2009 at 7:38 AM

Hey, quit talking about me!  LOL.  That is so me!  My mornings are great!  I have 2 kids, one is in pre-k and is there at 11.  By the time she comes home at 2:30, I am beat!  Dinner is just a hassle!  The 2 of them running around, me trying to control things AND cook!  Oh yeah, it's a day!

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heidi1439
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 9:24 AM

i think this was published in a magazine, i cant remember which one though, ive had it for a while, it always makes me laugh!

Quoting athenax3:

LMAO!! That was excellent if you wrote it you really need to get it published, this was a really, really great read. And I could relate completely, it was like you were living my day with me, lol....


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