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Need Help.. Husband left me and kids.

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:12 AM
  • 20 Replies

I need help, or ideas... I am a mother to 4 children.  2 from a previous relationship, and 2 with my husband now. I think my husband has always kinda looked at me as a charity case, he would never admit this, but i think so. We have been fighting on and off lately. He gets laid off during the winter. He never pulls his share around the house. Sits in the basement all day in his little "man room", sleeps in as late as he wants, while i get up with 4 kids to get them off to school every morning. Rarely helps with housework. Now, when he is working, he sometimes works like 65 hours in one week, so, NO, i do no expect much out of him then. Some might look at this and think, ah, this is typical. Well, is it typical if he throws up in my face how HE pays for our nice vacations, how HE pays for our camper, and camping, How where would I be today if it weren't for him. He wanted me to be a SAHM. I do work one night a week, wairtressing, and i baby sit one day a week. But that makes my car payment. So, basically i have no income of my own.

Yesterday, we got into a fight, about all of this. He said that i make him feel like a piece of sh@t father. That i nag him to death. He told me he was moving out. And he left. I have not heard from him since yesterday morning, when he called me a delusional psychotic b**ch.  I am trying to figure out where to start off at. I just don't think that he and I will work out, unless he has a big change of heart, but then again is wrong of me to expect change?? I only ask for him to be a better father when he is home. I don't think that is asking to much. I really want to put my foot down, but i feel like i need to have a plan. I want to go back to school, probably online. So i am going to have to learn how to juggle, working full time, 4 kids, and school... Any other moms in this position out there? If so, i would LOVE  to hear from you, PLEASE. I need support guidance. thanks.

 

by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:12 AM
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Replies (1-10):
mommaddie
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:14 AM

group hug



hang in there momma.... ihope all works out

leilani_r
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:19 AM

I don't know what to tell you....so here's a hug and a bump.

hugsbump

B.A.G.
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:20 AM


Quoting leilani_r:

I don't know what to tell you....so here's a hug and a bump.

hugsbump


 Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
143myboys9496
by Gold Member on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:22 AM

Sorry your going thru this...here's a hug and a bump for you.

hugsbump 

yotamomof4
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:23 AM

I am so sorry....I really hope things work out for you :) 

shecallsmemom04
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:26 AM

well, first i'd like to tell you that i don't think that's "normal".  not any of it.

second, i guess you need to prepare yourself for either of 2 things, that will enevitably happen next.  either his time away will snap him into reality and he'll come back.  in which case you will NEED to put your foot down.  don't hold back.  he helped make those babies, he needs to start helping to take care of them.  or he's gone, really gone.  and you will need to deal with that too.  you said you have a job, can you get more hours?  do you have any skills, education that will help you find a good job.  either way there's 4 children to support, you need to think about them...and you. 

you of course know him better than anyone else, but do you think maybe he is just depressed because he's lost his job?  not that, that is an excuse, it's not...but it's hard on people when something severe happens like that, especially in an already bad economy.

hugs and i do hope everything works out for the best.

       

pam228
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:29 AM

make sure you go after his butt for support! that way you won't have to work as many hours. maybe try going on some sort of public assistance,even if it's only foodstamps,it's alittle less stress off your shoulders. once you're done with school,you'll be in a better position to support yourself and your kids,until then--ask for help.

3timesoccermom
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:31 AM

Geez, I'm so sorry about all this.  I wish I could offer real help.

No, he doesn't have a right to do all that - it's disrespect and it's wrong.  I think he just feels guilty for not doing the things you request so he craps on you about it.

Shylie
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:32 AM

Girl I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. *hugs* I wish there was an easy way but there isn't. I hate to say this because I know it's gonna suck but go apply for govt. aid until you have some money saved up of your own. They can help with food, utilities, even rent. If you're paying a mortgage, get a lawyer and draw up papers that say he has to make that payment, since he's the one who left you in this predicament.

How old are the kiddos? See if there's a friend they can go home with after school for a few hours if you need to find a day job. What are you good at? Some moms find working nights easier because you can still pick up the kids but get your sleep while they're in school. Try hospital switchboard, even stocking grocery markets at night.

I wish you luck.

 

 

poudmomof2
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:40 AM


Quoting Shylie:

Girl I'm so sorry you guys are going through this. *hugs* I wish there was an easy way but there isn't. I hate to say this because I know it's gonna suck but go apply for govt. aid until you have some money saved up of your own. They can help with food, utilities, even rent. If you're paying a mortgage, get a lawyer and draw up papers that say he has to make that payment, since he's the one who left you in this predicament.

How old are the kiddos? See if there's a friend they can go home with after school for a few hours if you need to find a day job. What are you good at? Some moms find working nights easier because you can still pick up the kids but get your sleep while they're in school. Try hospital switchboard, even stocking grocery markets at night.

I wish you luck.

Agree! the state will even supply you a court appointed lawyer. You should go right away just in case he tries to take the kids.

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