Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

please i need advice UPDATED

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:56 AM
  • 20 Replies

i am going to tn this weekend to visit my family for easter that is also where my ex. ok a little background we have been together for 9 years and married for 6 we have 4 children and live in mi on feb 28 he leaves to go to tn says he needs space on march 3 i find out he is with someone else (someone from our past we used to live in tn until 2 years ago) he then starts being an ass to me and avoiding my phone calls he is no longer allowed to talk to our children because his girlfriend says it is rude the girl he is with has 3 std and he proposed to her with my wedding ring i told him while i was in tn he was more than welcome to see the kids as often as he wanted but he was not to bring her with him. ok so my question am i being childish and unreasonable by telling him not to bring her with him to see the kids please i need help i told him if he didnt want to come by himself he could bring a family member just not her i also agreed to meet him in town but i dont want her there ladies please help     

                                                                            UPDATE

OK SO I DID GO TO TN OVERR EASTER WEEKEND AND IT WAS A DISASTER. I TOLD HIM THAT HE WAS ALLOWED TO SEE HIS KIDS AS MUCH AS HE WANTED THE ONLY THING I SAID WAS THE FIRST TIME HE SEEN THEM HE WAS NOT ALLOWED TO BRING HIS GIRLFRIEND THE FIRST TIME, HE AGREED BUT WHEN WE GOT TO THE DESIGNATED PLACE HE HAD HER THERE WELL I TOLD HIM THAT SHE WAS NOT WELCOMED THERE AND IF HE WANTED TO SEE HIS KIDS THEN SHE HAD TO LEAVE SO SHE LEFT HE VISITED THE KIDS AND SAID HE WANTED TO SEE THEM AGAIN ON SATURDAY I AGREED WELL SHE HAD TO WORK SO HE CAME ALONE BUT HE WAS THERE AN HOUR AND 45 MINUTES OF THAT TIME SHE WAS ON THE PHONE WITH HIM WELL LATER THAT DAY HE DID SPEND A FEW HOURS WITH THE KIDS AND THAT WENT REALLY GOOD THE KIDS REALLY ENJOYED THAT BUT THEN ON EASTER IS WHEN IT REALLY WENT BAD HE CAME TO SEE THE KIDS AND WHILE HE WAS THERE HE TOLD ME HE WANTED TO SIGN HIS RIGHTS OFF OF THE KIDS SO HE COULD BE A DAD TO HER KIDS WE GOT IN A FIGHT AND EASTER WAS RUINED INSTEAD OF ME BEING WITH THE KIDS I SPENT IT FIGHTING WITH HIM WELL WHEN HE TOLD ME HE DIDNT WANT THE KIDS ANYMORE IT MADE ME MAD AND I SLAPPED HIM I KNOE I WAS WRONG BUT MY EMOTIONS OVERCAME ME AND I ACTED BEFORE I THOUGHT A WEEK LATER AND HE HAS TALKED TO HIS KIDS ONCE THEN I GET A TEXT FROM HIS GIRLFRIEND SAYING THAT IF THE KIDS ARENT DYING THEN NOT TO CONTACT HIM BECAUSE HE HAS A NEW FAMILY AND NO LONGER HAS TIME FOR MY KIDS SO I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO MY KIDS ASK FOR THEIR DAD EVERYDAY HOW DO I LET THEM KNOW WHATS GOING ON WITHOUT LETTING THEM KNOW PLEASE HELP I DONT KNOW WHATY TO DO

by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:56 AM
Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Replies (1-10):
peepszaya
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 8:58 AM

it's a tough one because I understand how you feel about her, but if she is going to be part of his life and they kids are going to be part of his life then you need to get used to her being around them.  

oceandancer
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 9:01 AM


Quoting peepszaya:

it's a tough one because I understand how you feel about her, but if she is going to be part of his life and they kids are going to be part of his life then you need to get used to her being around them.  


i realize that but i think it is to soon and we are only going to be in tn for one day

AmelieH
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 9:02 AM

wait... this woman said that he is no longer allowed to talk to his children because it is "rude", and he wants to bring her with him?  Hell NO she wouldn't be around my kids as far as I could prevent it!

If he proposed with your property, you can actually get that back during the divorce.  a wedding ring is a gift, and yours to keep till death. 

Ugh, what a creep! 

sherry132
by Ruby Member on Apr. 8, 2009 at 9:02 AM

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I wish we could do things like this. The courts won't allow it. He can have her around the kids and there is nothing you can do about it. If they are not married you can enforce him not having her overnight. Beyond that... he has the right to have his girlfriend around your children.  Believe me, if I could get away with my ex not having his wife around my kids, I would.

LEJOLIE
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 9:04 AM

i would let him see his kids.I dont think you should take that from them.If his girl feels loike she needs to be there when oh well look passed it.As long as you know that he is good w/his kids ,and they love there dad then the grown ups have to be just that,for the sake of the kids.

smiley630
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 9:04 AM

I think you are being very reasonable in your request to not have her there when he sees you or the children. I would have a hard time doing that.  But Good Luck and I hope things turn out for the best for your family.

----- Visit my CafeMom homepage at http://www.cafemom.com/home/smiley630
Humboldt0608
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 9:05 AM

Three STD's and she's not quarantined. Holy crap... okay I know I'm not being much help. I guess I would have to agree with one of the previous posters. She is going to be part of his life and I say that you be the bigger, better, stronger woman. It's going to be hard and it's going to suck but hang in there...


spunkymomof3
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 9:05 AM

I do not blame you.  I think it is natural to feel that way.  I think you are right in this case, this lady is new in his life.  You do not want them bounced around from women to women, that is just not fair to those kids.  I have been in your shoes (to an extent) and I used to get angry about the girls/women he was putting in my sons life.  I think a family member being there is fair.  Good Luck...

I am a three time c-sections having, extended breastfeeding, used to be  cosleeping, part time cloth diapering and gdiaper using, baby wearing, vaxing (some delayed)  proud air force wife and stay at home mom to three kiddos!


Lacy_2
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 9:06 AM

This is true, from a legal stand point.. But that depends on your situation.. If no legal stuff has been processed it is up to you.. I personally would do anything possible to not let her around my kids..

Quoting sherry132:

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I wish we could do things like this. The courts won't allow it. He can have her around the kids and there is nothing you can do about it. If they are not married you can enforce him not having her overnight. Beyond that... he has the right to have his girlfriend around your children.  Believe me, if I could get away with my ex not having his wife around my kids, I would.






These are merely my opinions, NOT facts. What I state is what I have learned with my kids as a mother, after all isn't that what cafemom is about- Mother's giving other Mother's advice. Advice is just opinions NOT facts.
Brandi1999
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 9:08 AM

No, I don't think your being unreasonable ! She needs to a step back and let him spend time with his children ! She knew they were his before they involved ! She knew you were his wife before they got involved ! They need daddy time not meeting daddy's new girlfriend time ! That only makes it harder on the kids until you two can sit them down and let them know what going on ! You may want to take this chance to do just that since he does have a gf he wants them to meet !

Add your quick reply below:
You must be a member to reply to this post.
Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)