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Alimony Shmalimony

Posted by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 2:02 PM
  • 10 Replies

So here is the situation. My mil had an affair with a married man and to make a long story short they left their former spouses. My mil is now divorced and my fil was ordered to pay 700 a month for alimony because that was a figure they agreed on. My mil's current boyfriend was a bit slower on the leaving department but also the same night he left his wife my mil moved into his apartment that he had set aside for the night that he left. i realize that wasn't very short but thas  as short as i can make it lol.

 

So here's the thing. My fil found out that she moved in with her boyfriend and he believes that since she is cohabitating he no longer has to pay because of this law.....

 

Death, Remarriage, Cohabitation of Recipient of Alimony.
Upon the death or remarriage of the recipient, all unpaid alimony obligations shall terminate. The voluntary cohabitation of a former spouse with a member of the opposite sex shall be a ground to modify provisions of a final judgment or order for alimony as support. If voluntary cohabitation is alleged in a motion to modify the payment of support, the court shall have jurisdiction to reduce or terminate future support payments upon proof of substantial change of circumstances of either party to the divorce relating to need for support or ability to support. As used in this subsection, the term cohabitation means the dwelling together continuously and habitually of a man and a woman who are in a private conjugal relationship not solemnized as a marriage according to law, or not necessarily meeting all the standards of a common law marriage.

-From Section ยง43 134 of the Oklahoma Statutes.

anyway my mil is now sueing him for contempt and she wants her alimony raised because she's getting nothing compared to her friends.

 

No one is happy with my mil's actions lately and I would hate to see my fil get screwed over again by her. How can he prove that she is cohabitating?  does anyone have any experience in this area??

 

by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 2:02 PM
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Replies (1-10):
shoefreak
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 2:07 PM

First I'd hire a PI. Get pictures of the other man entering and leaving the apartment and also a PI can find out if the man has changes his address.

Secondly...she had the affair and the court ordered HER to get alimony??? WTF is that? See this is why alimony pisses me off. My mom is getting it because she stayed home with her children and raised them for 15 years while my father drank himself into an oblivion. He verbally and emotionally abused her for years. In my parents case, my mom deserves the $$. But your MIL....uh.....no!

EDITED TO ADD ~ just because the law exists doesn't mean your FIL can just stop paying. He needs to keep paying but petition the court for the change and revise the divorce decree.

 

mama_beck
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 2:09 PM

hmmmm..... your mil seems.... yeah... anyways, i'm totally on your fil's side about this one, i wouldn't want to pay it and especially not 700 dollars a month! that's like paying your ex to do some other dude... no thanks..

jenniamigo
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2009 at 3:04 PM

she is  a peice of work. she was married for 20 years and than all of a sudden she lost weight and she was too good for her husband.  Not to mention she also has a 20 yr old son who has no life skills because she let him do whatever he wanted which includes drinking and pot smoking while he was growing up. Anyway she let him live with her without ever telling him it was time to grow up and live on your own until her boyfriend got an apartment. and somehow my husband and I ended up with her son living here after we told her no on numerous occasions. She is selfish and manipulative and now I have a 20 yr old pot head living in my 3 bedroom apartment (he has rules that he has to follow here otherwise he will be homeless) and  I have three kids two of which have to sleep in the same bed because her son for some reason doesnt have his own bed. She says it's because he preffered sleeping on the sofa that was stored in the garage WTF.

I am at my wits end with this woman. Dh already told her off and disowned her and he hasn't talked to her in WEEEKS but she still calls me almost daily and acts  like nothing happened.  And says stupid shit like i don't know why everyone is against me....UGHHHHHH

Quoting mama_beck:

hmmmm..... your mil seems.... yeah... anyways, i'm totally on your fil's side about this one, i wouldn't want to pay it and especially not 700 dollars a month! that's like paying your ex to do some other dude... no thanks..


 

Sirenabella
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 3:09 PM

Let me just say I disagree with your MIL's actions....... now beyond that your FIL is actually in the wrong here b/c it wasn't court ordered to stop the payments and he can't just decide on his own to stop them. To prove it I would think he needs to have something stating they both live there. Copies of bills / mail to either or both ppl, drivers licenses, apt lease with both names, etc.

s.teph
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 4:09 PM

Yep, he can't just decide he doesn't want to pay.. he has to have it ok'd by the courts. It specifically says they may lower it OR they may terminate it. I'd think about hiring a private investigator. You could also look her up in address books online (like switchboard, intelius, yellow pages etc) and see if you can verify her adress that way. Another thought, you can send her a certified letter (although she may be suspicious of that), you could also send her a package that required a signature confirmation. That would verify that she was in fact there when it was delivered... but it would have to be something she wouldn't think twice about signing for. A certified letter would be better, but she may catch on if you do that, plus a certified letter costs money and I'm not sure what you'd use. Telling her, I got you a gift for mothers day (which would be a great excuse by the way) might be better.

s.teph
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 4:36 PM

LINK 1 -This says you don't have to prove a relationship, just that they live in the same place. If it's an apartment it's probably easier to prove she's not renting to him. If she was, you'd then have to prove that she didn't claim it on her taxes and that would be hard I'm guessing.

LINK 2 -This says you have to prove shared expenses.

LINK 3 -This suggests getting a PI, and looking up the name on their driver's liscenses, lease, car registration, bills etc. I'm thinking you'd need a professional to do that, possibly a subpeona.  People don't usually readily hand over their tenant's lease without a damn good reason.

If he stops paying the courts can make him pay ALL of the court costs IN ADDITION to the amount he owes her... even if they terminate the alimony. They don't take kindly to people making their own rules and will make an example of him just because they can. Keep paying, take it to court.

jenniamigo
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2009 at 5:27 PM

he actually did send her a certified letter. She thought it was the alimony that he was behind on but when she opened it there was just an empty envelope in there

Quoting s.teph:

Yep, he can't just decide he doesn't want to pay.. he has to have it ok'd by the courts. It specifically says they may lower it OR they may terminate it. I'd think about hiring a private investigator. You could also look her up in address books online (like switchboard, intelius, yellow pages etc) and see if you can verify her adress that way. Another thought, you can send her a certified letter (although she may be suspicious of that), you could also send her a package that required a signature confirmation. That would verify that she was in fact there when it was delivered... but it would have to be something she wouldn't think twice about signing for. A certified letter would be better, but she may catch on if you do that, plus a certified letter costs money and I'm not sure what you'd use. Telling her, I got you a gift for mothers day (which would be a great excuse by the way) might be better.


 

jenniamigo
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2009 at 5:31 PM

I know for a fact that both of their names are on the lease at the apartment. And she told me that she is going to get him to write a statement that says she pays him so much a month toward the bills. Because her friend did that and well she won the alimony case.

I know it's pretty dumb for him to stop paying without a court order. He is just hell bent on making her life miserable because he feels she ruined his life after 20 years of marriage

Quoting s.teph:

LINK 1 -This says you don't have to prove a relationship, just that they live in the same place. If it's an apartment it's probably easier to prove she's not renting to him. If she was, you'd then have to prove that she didn't claim it on her taxes and that would be hard I'm guessing.

LINK 2 -This says you have to prove shared expenses.

LINK 3 -This suggests getting a PI, and looking up the name on their driver's liscenses, lease, car registration, bills etc. I'm thinking you'd need a professional to do that, possibly a subpeona.  People don't usually readily hand over their tenant's lease without a damn good reason.

If he stops paying the courts can make him pay ALL of the court costs IN ADDITION to the amount he owes her... even if they terminate the alimony. They don't take kindly to people making their own rules and will make an example of him just because they can. Keep paying, take it to court.


 

s.teph
by on Apr. 8, 2009 at 7:55 PM

Yeah but according to one of those articles, it's not valid to say she's renting from him unless he can show he's claiming that income on his taxes. I'm not entirely sure that's correct, or how you could prove that.. again a PI is probably your best bet... but it's just a thought. Anyone could say they pay rent, or write a statement. Asking for cleared checks, or several months of bank statements to confirm it, or a tax return if it's been more than a year (in order to claim it as income) etc is harder to fake.I feel for the guy.. I do. My mom was not so nice either with the divorce settlement and used my child support money for rent and booze.(real nice I know).

Quoting jenniamigo:

I know for a fact that both of their names are on the lease at the apartment. And she told me that she is going to get him to write a statement that says she pays him so much a month toward the bills. Because her friend did that and well she won the alimony case.

I know it's pretty dumb for him to stop paying without a court order. He is just hell bent on making her life miserable because he feels she ruined his life after 20 years of marriage

Quoting s.teph:

LINK 1 -This says you don't have to prove a relationship, just that they live in the same place. If it's an apartment it's probably easier to prove she's not renting to him. If she was, you'd then have to prove that she didn't claim it on her taxes and that would be hard I'm guessing.

LINK 2 -This says you have to prove shared expenses.

LINK 3 -This suggests getting a PI, and looking up the name on their driver's liscenses, lease, car registration, bills etc. I'm thinking you'd need a professional to do that, possibly a subpeona.  People don't usually readily hand over their tenant's lease without a damn good reason.

If he stops paying the courts can make him pay ALL of the court costs IN ADDITION to the amount he owes her... even if they terminate the alimony. They don't take kindly to people making their own rules and will make an example of him just because they can. Keep paying, take it to court.



jenniamigo
by Platinum Member on Apr. 8, 2009 at 7:58 PM

they have only lived together for 3 months

Quoting s.teph:

Yeah but according to one of those articles, it's not valid to say she's renting from him unless he can show he's claiming that income on his taxes. I'm not entirely sure that's correct, or how you could prove that.. again a PI is probably your best bet... but it's just a thought. Anyone could say they pay rent, or write a statement. Asking for cleared checks, or several months of bank statements to confirm it, or a tax return if it's been more than a year (in order to claim it as income) etc is harder to fake.I feel for the guy.. I do. My mom was not so nice either with the divorce settlement and used my child support money for rent and booze.(real nice I know).

Quoting jenniamigo:

I know for a fact that both of their names are on the lease at the apartment. And she told me that she is going to get him to write a statement that says she pays him so much a month toward the bills. Because her friend did that and well she won the alimony case.

I know it's pretty dumb for him to stop paying without a court order. He is just hell bent on making her life miserable because he feels she ruined his life after 20 years of marriage

Quoting s.teph:

LINK 1 -This says you don't have to prove a relationship, just that they live in the same place. If it's an apartment it's probably easier to prove she's not renting to him. If she was, you'd then have to prove that she didn't claim it on her taxes and that would be hard I'm guessing.

LINK 2 -This says you have to prove shared expenses.

LINK 3 -This suggests getting a PI, and looking up the name on their driver's liscenses, lease, car registration, bills etc. I'm thinking you'd need a professional to do that, possibly a subpeona.  People don't usually readily hand over their tenant's lease without a damn good reason.

If he stops paying the courts can make him pay ALL of the court costs IN ADDITION to the amount he owes her... even if they terminate the alimony. They don't take kindly to people making their own rules and will make an example of him just because they can. Keep paying, take it to court.

 



 

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