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Am I Wrong? Don't know what else to do....kinda long sorry

Posted by on May. 8, 2009 at 2:14 AM
  • 9 Replies

I'm going to try to make this short.

My mother (71years old) has cancer. I love her to death we are best friends. She is very religious and believes in God. She has suffered in her personal life ever since she was a young girl (she was married at 16 had her 1st baby at 17...which was custom back then). Well she smoked all her life she started at 16 and stopped 2 months ago. Well to no surprise she has cancer. It's a rare cancer but very treatable. All her doctors have given us high hopes and all.

Here is my problem. She is very depressed and I'm so angry at her about her depression. I don't mean to be but I am. Here is this woman who has had to fight all her life. Who growing up has always taugh me to never give up. To put it in Gods hands, pray and don't give up trying. "God will never give us more than we can't handle" she would always say. I figured okay she has cancer it's a big blow she will need time to adjust to this. Once she cries and comes to terms she will get angry and determined and fight this. Instead it's like she is giving up. Every day she seems more depressed and more convinced that she will not make it. Radiation therapy hasn't even started and she's acting like she is well into it. Her doctor said that her frame of mind will play a large part in over coming cancer.

I don't know how to help her snap out of her state of mind at the moment. I just want to shake her sometimes and slap her and say "Where is your faith in God". "Where is this strong woman I look up to?"

Sorry. I just really needed to vent. We had a rough week and we are only just begining.

 

by on May. 8, 2009 at 2:14 AM
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Replies (1-9):
AngelKissedMama
by on May. 8, 2009 at 2:18 AM

When Cancer comes into roll alot of people that are thought to be strong do start giving up because cancer is deadly & kills tons each yr. She probably has no hope because she is still in denial & doesnt want to have to deal with coping with having cancer. Ease up a little & just be there for her every step of the way she needs you.


amy068
by on May. 8, 2009 at 2:22 AM

Im sorry that you and your mother are going thru this right now. My advise, tell her that she has always taken care of you and now its your turn to take care of her. Make sure she knows you will be there every step of the way to fight this and no matter what you know she has it in her to fight this as well. Shes probably just scared! If shes not willing to fihgt for it tell her you will step in and start the fighting off for her! If she is sitting arouns at home, which most people do when they are depressed, you need to surprise her and make her get out. take her to see soemthing beautiful or things that will make her happy and that will help her see life is worth fighting for. good luck!

buzymommy24_7
by on May. 8, 2009 at 2:24 AM

I would understand if she was in the late stages of cancer, or the diagnosis as real bad. However the doctors (all of 4 of them) said she has a high percentage of getting over this. Maybe I am being too harsh. I just want her to fight.

TarotMommy
by on May. 8, 2009 at 2:26 AM

I'm a mom of adult children now and if I read something like this it would tear my heart out. What about just saying your mind, dear?

You're not wrong you just need to 'buck up and Gently shake her into her senses."

TarotMommy
by on May. 8, 2009 at 2:29 AM

Yeah!

Sometimes it's hard to reverse the roles but sometimes it just has to be done.

Hugs!

Quoting amy068:

Im sorry that you and your mother are going thru this right now. My advise, tell her that she has always taken care of you and now its your turn to take care of her. Make sure she knows you will be there every step of the way to fight this and no matter what you know she has it in her to fight this as well. Shes probably just scared! If shes not willing to fihgt for it tell her you will step in and start the fighting off for her! If she is sitting arouns at home, which most people do when they are depressed, you need to surprise her and make her get out. take her to see soemthing beautiful or things that will make her happy and that will help her see life is worth fighting for. good luck!


frndlyfn
by Emerald Member on May. 8, 2009 at 2:29 AM

I wonder if the drs would be able to help her get into a support group for cancer or survivors so she does see that it is beatable.  I wish you and your family best of luck .

buzymommy24_7
by on May. 8, 2009 at 2:35 AM

I have been with her from the moment we found out. I even moved her in with me. Other than my kids, no one is more important to me than my mother.

I have talked with her. And told her that every time she has said that she might as well die it tears my heart out. I've also told her that she isn't alone and that I am here fighting with her. But she only cries and says that it's easy for me to say when SHE is the ONE DYING.

I love her so much. I just needed to vent so I can keep going. I have never seen her so negative, so beaten. I am very patient with her, and supportive. I just needed to cry a little so I can be strong for her in the morning.

thank you ladies.

Quoting TarotMommy:

Yeah!

Sometimes it's hard to reverse the roles but sometimes it just has to be done.

Hugs!

Quoting amy068:

Im sorry that you and your mother are going thru this right now. My advise, tell her that she has always taken care of you and now its your turn to take care of her. Make sure she knows you will be there every step of the way to fight this and no matter what you know she has it in her to fight this as well. Shes probably just scared! If shes not willing to fihgt for it tell her you will step in and start the fighting off for her! If she is sitting arouns at home, which most people do when they are depressed, you need to surprise her and make her get out. take her to see soemthing beautiful or things that will make her happy and that will help her see life is worth fighting for. good luck!

 


bablondie
by on May. 8, 2009 at 2:37 AM

Can you send the pastor/clergy/priest over to her to talk?

buzymommy24_7
by on May. 8, 2009 at 2:42 AM

he has, the pastor i mean. She was "okay" while he was here and even when to church the next sunday. but then she falls back into her rut. I did talk to her doctor about support groups. The office is going to give me some phone numbers in the morning.

Quoting bablondie:

Can you send the pastor/clergy/priest over to her to talk?


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