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My mom let my son sleep in the same bed with her BF..previous post but updated

Posted by on May. 8, 2009 at 5:44 PM
  • 21 Replies

**Original post**

So my mom hasn't been in a relationship since she divorced my dad over 5 years ago. She recently started having an affair with a married man. This man had been married for 25 years to this woman and they have 2 teenage children together. Now they say his marriage was heading to divorce anyways, but in my book, it's still not ok to cheat..Anyways, so my mom is having this affair but tells us that they really love each other, etc. Out of my mom's children I'm probably the most accepting and that it's her life and she does what she wants.....

So, she asked to have our son (who's 2 1/2) over for the night last night. I had told her we weren't comfortable with her BF over when our son was there, because in reality we don't know the guy and I've only met him twice. She said not to worry at all. Her time is with her grandson and only him and her BF won't be there

Trying to be a good kid, I invited my mom and her BF over for dinner and then she took my DS home with her to stay the night. It was my understanding that her BF was going to his home but it turned out he stayed over and they all slept in the same bed. My sister, who is living with my mom, called me and said that he stayed over so this morning we went to pick up our son early to talk with her and she really doesn't seem to understand why we didn't like the situation.

She said "it's not like I would let anything happen" and "I didn't realize this would bother you.."  DH and I told her that we feel lied too, and that she over stepped boundaries, etc, but when we left she seemed all irritated that we were upset. WTF...would this bother you? or are we being over protective?

update....

So my mom still thinks there was nothing wrong with the situation. I told my dad and he's livid! I don't blame him..some strange man thinking it's ok to sleep in the same bed with his grandson..anyways my dad has called protective services just to get info from them, so see if any laws were broken, etc. He didn't formally file a complaint or give them our info. I totally appreciate my dad being protective of my son, but I seriously don't have the energy to deal with the amount of shit that's going to hit the fan. He plans on writing my mom a letter..again I don't think there's anything wrong with that, but my mom is going to flip a bitch that her 'ex-husband' has the audacity to tell her she's doing wrong, and I'm going to be stuck in the middle of it. My hubby and I have decided that our children are no longer to see my mom unless we are there and we really don't have much of a relationship with her after this now too. I dunno , I'm so stressed out..so much flippin' drama is going on right now. My mom goes form being one of my best friends, to someone I don't know at all, who's putting MY children in unsafe situations. Sorry for the vent....

by on May. 8, 2009 at 5:44 PM
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Replies (1-10):
PUMPKIN1117
by on May. 8, 2009 at 5:49 PM

i never to this day (and my oldest is now 6) have let my kids spend the night anywhere. ever. i dont care who with. my six yr old just started going to b-day parties with gramma or out with his uncle.  

♥ Georgina          butterfly on head
And if it seems evil to you to serve the Lord, choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods which your fathers served that were on the other side of the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you dwell. But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord." Joshua 24:15

kachinav4
by on May. 8, 2009 at 5:53 PM

I would LOOSE it I mean i'm sure she figured that he would never do anything b/c she was right there but still I wouldn't feel comfortable about it. From now on i woudl talk  to my sister and see if WHen he spends the night there he can sleep in her room.

luv_my_xiya
by on May. 8, 2009 at 5:54 PM

 i totally agree with what you are doing...and your mom def overstepped her boundaries...when you told her that you werent comfortable with him yet, she should not have even thought about it being ok...in that situation she wasnt allowed to think, she should have just sent him home...my mom has "been with" this guy for like 7 years...i dont like him...but my dd stays with her sometimes and he will come over and they sleep in the same bed together...i trust him when it comes to my dd, but i still dont like it...so now i just send the pack and play and say she has to sleep in there...so yea, i know how it feels


ChaoticX4
by on May. 8, 2009 at 5:56 PM

Where does he normally sleep when hes there? Does he have a bed of his own or does he always sleep with your mom?

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Stacie-Kim
by on May. 8, 2009 at 6:02 PM

yes this would bother me very  much .. you don't know this man how can you really trust him even after you know him you never know what people really are look at the poor girlfriend of the craigslist killer that poor girl would have bet her life he wasn't the killer... 

If he is not really family he doesn't need to be there and really I wouldn't let my 2 year old sleep in the bed with a grown man that was family  ( obviously except daddy)... most people who violate children are the people closest to them ..  

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Stacie-Kim
by on May. 8, 2009 at 6:04 PM

I am with you on this one .. I have never been away from my kids ( they are 5 and 3 1/2 ) except my son when I had my daughter I stayed in the hospital .. 

Quoting PUMPKIN1117:

i never to this day (and my oldest is now 6) have let my kids spend the night anywhere. ever. i dont care who with. my six yr old just started going to b-day parties with gramma or out with his uncle.  


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KadynsMommy806
by Bronze Member on May. 8, 2009 at 6:08 PM


Quoting ChaoticX4:

Where does he normally sleep when hes there? Does he have a bed of his own or does he always sleep with your mom?


He normally sleeps with her. We co-slept with him until almost 2 yrs so it wasn't a big deal, but for the past couple of visits we'd send him with a sleeping bag so he can sleep else where, but he's used to being spoiled at his Nana's so he ended up in her bed anyways..Regardless, Nana is one thing but a stange man is another..but it won't EVER happen again.

jothra
by on May. 8, 2009 at 6:12 PM

Yup, I would be pissed and feel lied to as well! Especially with the fact that she doesn't see a problem, I would never let it happen again.

jenniamigo
by Platinum Member on May. 8, 2009 at 6:15 PM

your mom sounds like my mom and my mil lol.

I had a similiar situation happen to us years ago. The difference being is that my mom is gay. So it was with her girlfriend. I love my mom very much and i don't care who she loves HOWEVER. My dh is a bit on the conservative side of the road. And her lifestyle made him uncomfortable in the beginning he is used to it now and knows not to say anything negative to me about it because he will get into trouble. But at the time he had a hard time letting our eldest go over there and would come up with every excuse in the book not to let him go over there "she smokes" (she doesn't around the kids), "her house isn't clean enough"(i think he is ocd), "i have plans with the kids" than would never do anything.  So i had to sit him down and tell him that no matter what not only is she blood she is my mother and just because you don't like the fact that she is gay doesn't mean you can keep her grandchild from her. SO he finally gives in.

Than when he comes back we find out that he slept in my moms bed with her girfriend in there too. AND OMG he was livid. Now me i wasn't bothered so much by it because she was in my life since i was thirteen years old and she was there during my pregnancy when i was 16 and my husband was not. Due to being young and reasons beyond his control.  My husband didn't enter the picture until our son was almost two.

ANyway he was out of conrtol angry. and was saying things like well she's gay so she's crazy how do you know she wont molest our son....And of course I replied well you said it SHE"S GAY therefore likes women not to mention she is not a pedofile. I lived with women for 10 years.  Anyway we had a big fight over it. it was a long time before my kids were able to see thier grandma. He still hates my mom's now ex girlfriend with a passion. But now it is very clear that they sleep seperately and the have an air mattress they use when they go over there now..

 

3armycuties
by on May. 8, 2009 at 6:19 PM

I remember your post. So grandma still doesn't see a problem with first telling you he wouldn't be there and then letting him sleep with them. Huh? Did you dad contact CPS yet? Or is he going to? I would be interested in what they say. Good luck momma.

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