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How do you talk someone out of an abortion?!?!? serious advice please!

Posted by on May. 22, 2009 at 12:09 PM
  • 121 Replies

So my cousin has been married to his wife now for over five years (they are both in their thirties) - the past two years they have been TTC Baby #1.  They had plans to conceive in Hawaii - well she found out two days before she left that she was pregnant!  I got that call about three weeks ago.

Well this morning I get a call from my cousin saying that his wife wants to have an abortion!!!!  She doesn't want a baby!   He didn't want a baby for a long time because of his life - he is a product of rape, he was molested abused etc etc.  Anyway, he finally was ready to be a Dad - so they started TTC (two years ago).   She on the other hand, strikes me as a spoiled brat.  She is the baby in the family, and they are very wealthy and she has always gotten what she wanted. 

She says the reason is because her parents are old and sick (they literally are on their death beds) and she wants to be able to be there for them at the drop of a hat - not have to worry about toting a baby across the country.  She lives in IL, and her parents live here in CA. 

So, I AM SUPER PISSED OFF!  She is treating my cousin like shit because he now wants to have this baby, and she doesn't.   What kind of person does that?  TTC for two years then when she gets pregnant is going to go kill the baby!??!??!?!!!  WTF! 

I need serious advice on how to talk to her - she and I are not close at all, I barely know her.  I have only met her once in person.  This is just making me sick to my stomach and I almost just want to go over and slap the shit out of her! 

She says she is going to make her "decision" this weekend or next weekend.. I told my cousin, she already made her decision - she should have to KEEP THE BABY!  She should get charged with murder if she kills this baby.   She is a grown woman who was TTC with her husband and has now changed her mind.  How will she ever look in the mirror... fuck fuck fuck fuck I am so pissed off.   I need to get through to her - I don't want to be mean either, I just want to really truly get through to her and change her mind!

EDIT:  For all those that will/are telling me to mind my own business, I am.  This is my business, my cousin called me crying.  He needs advice, he wants me to try to talk to her.  He wanted to see if anyone could offer any sort of advice for him to get through to her.  So - of course, it is not my decision, and she is a big girl and she does what she wants.  But when family/friends call you for advice, what do you do? tell them, oh thats none of my business, good luck.  so anyway, yeah.


UPDATE : Wow - sorry ladies, I was gone at the beach for the morning.   What a lot of responses!

Thank you to all those with kind words of advice.  As some of you read, I would never go approach or talk to her with anger.  If you read my post, I say I wanted to talk to her calmly and genuinely.  And I would never send her pictures of aborted fetuses - sorry, just not my style.

I am going to talk to her - I am going to bring up the fact that her parents might be super excited to see a grandchild before they pass.  Also, I know when you first get preggo you might have a bunch of mixed emotions.  I am just trying to be supportive of my cousin and what he wants to do. 

I am a very kind and gentle compasionate person, that is why EVERYONE comes to me for advice - just thought I would get some ammo before I approached her and I really appreciate all the level headed responses. 

All the rest - phooey on you. HAHAHAHA!  As with everything in life, you have to weed through the bad to find the good :)   Thanks again everyone.

I am really upset about this, but never would I attack her in anger at such an emotionally tough time for her - I do have a heart. 

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by on May. 22, 2009 at 12:09 PM
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Replies (1-10):
by on May. 22, 2009 at 12:10 PM

You don't. It's not your business.

Be there to support him, but otherwise, stay out of it.

by on May. 22, 2009 at 12:11 PM

Damn.....what the hell is she thinking? She was TTC at one point and time, and now she doesnt want it? She is really spoiled. I want a baby, and I cant have one based on my situation. Having a baby is a joyful experience. I dont think its fair. 

by on May. 22, 2009 at 12:12 PM

I don't think you CAN talk someone out of it. It is her choice to have an abortion if she wants. You may not be happy about it, but there is nothing you can do. 

Ashlee- Mommy to Dallas (4-13-06), Gabriel (1-15-08), and Baby due 9-23-09!

by on May. 22, 2009 at 12:14 PM

well you usually cant talk someone out of an abortion if thats what they want to do.

i agree that this situation is fucked up...and i really feel for your cousin. if anybody could change the wife's mind it will be him...not you or anybody else.

just be there to support your cousin the best you can.


by Platinum Member on May. 22, 2009 at 12:14 PM
Quoting Phenomemom:

You don't. It's not your business.

be there to support him, but otherwise, stay out of it.

by on May. 22, 2009 at 12:15 PM

serious advice?

 seriously? mind your own business. this is their life... not yours.

 not your place to say or do anything ... other than mind your own business on this one.


by on May. 22, 2009 at 12:17 PM

You can try, but in the end it's her decision...unfortunately, because obviously her husband wants it and from what I read it seems like she doesn't care about sucks that men have zero rights when it comes to abortions, especially in situations like this. I can't believe that she was TTC and now wants to get rid of it, it makes me very upset for my friends who have been trying and cannot get pregnant.

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by on May. 22, 2009 at 12:19 PM

I agree...

You cant talk someone into/or out of something like that. And especially if you dont know her well. Honestly, no matter how hard it hurts you... you need to just stay out of it and mind your own business.. Sorry so blunt. And sorry you are hurting.

Quoting Phenomemom:

You don't. It's not your business.

be there to support him, but otherwise, stay out of it.



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by on May. 22, 2009 at 12:20 PM

Well shit, I don't know what I would do... Or what I would say... I'm really sorry hun. I had to help my brother talk his girlfriend out of having an abortion... she wanted an abortion because she didnt want to be pregnant before she was married, well she and my brother are getting married in August and she just found out that she is pregnant. Long story short she decided to keep the baby...

I don't know if you are religious or not, but I prayed my heart out that my brothers gf decided to keep the baby. And I was there for my brother and tried really hard to be his rock and help him find the right words to say.

Good luck hun, I would mostly say  be there for your cousin and support him however he needs.

by on May. 22, 2009 at 12:20 PM

You could offer to adopt the baby.



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