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So annoyed.

Posted by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:24 AM
  • 8 Replies

I am a SAHM. I have 2 kids (3 years and 5 months). My DH has a job. It use to be full time but they cut his hours back to 24. I have asked him if I could get a job to make up for the lost money. He will not let me. He said daycare would be to expensive. He doesn't want to look for another job because he loves the people he works with. Here lately I have found him to be very lazy. When he comes in from working 6 hours a day four days a week, he wants to sleep. I take care of the kids, feed them, bathe them, change them, etc. I cook, clean, do laundry and keep up with our bills. He stays up all night playing his computer game Diablo. He will even be up when our youngest gets up for a bottle during the night, and he still doesn't offer to help...EVEN THOUGH HE IS ALREADY AWAKE. During the day even though he is still here he doesn't want to even help with the kids. It has come to the point that I actually feel guilty if I ask him to feed our 5 month old...because he pitches a fit about it. When he is fussy I will sometimes ask him to talk to him or something (I don't think he has bonded with him yet)...and he just lays him down on the bed beside him and just watches T.V.

I have never been away from my kids. One because I don't think I have the heart to do it and two no one has ever asked to keep them. My DH goes fishing with his dad ALOT and leaves the kids with me. I usually don't say anything, just tell him that he should be home at a certain time so when can spend family time. He doesn't come home when I ask. He comes home when he feels like it. Last week I let him go fishing ALL DAY...and then He wants to go back this weekend. I just feel like he doesn't appreciate what I do. 

He never offers to watch the kids while I take a bath or anything and I feel like my nerves cant take it anymore...I need him to help me. If I wanted to be a single mom then I would because that is really what it feels like. I just need some help on what to do. How can I get it across to him that I need help.

Also our sex life is not that great because I am always so tired. I get up ever two hours at night, and wake up with our 3 year old around 8am and don't go to bed until 11pm.  He feels like I should give it to him every night. I just don't know what to do anymore.  

 

by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:24 AM
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Replies (1-8):
jesi817
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:28 AM

 he should get a second job if he wants you to stay home... at least youd be benifiting from not getting time alone. LOL



lh8559
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:36 AM




                                  Well he should tell you are doing a great job and yes  he should let you go do something without your babies like a movie or whatever they are his kids right? You know i fell about the same way my husband doesnt do anything here even though my kids are older 21 and 16 i do everything clean cook pay bills work fulltime take care of my daughters things so i know how you fell. It is vary frusrating when he dosnet help. Well you can write me if you would like you did expect my friends invite yesturday just email me if you want ok talk to you later. laura





Laureanne
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:37 AM

You need to rip him a new one. Give me a break! he's up all night, won't feed the baby? won't look for a second job?

Give him an ultimatim. he needs to grow up and be an equal partner. he's theor father. If he does not want a second job then you go get one. Then he won't be able to play all day. Give me a break!

If you don't put an end to this crap you will be enabling his behavior and he won't change. You deserve much better.

247mamaandwife
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:43 AM

wow sounds like he is having pride issues !  he needs to help you out money wise more or with the children ! HE HELPED MAKE`  THAT BULL SHIT  he wont even help you out! I remember when i had my dd ! I FF  and told my husband that he help make this child he was going to help raise it ! in that meant helping out with changing dipars,feedings anything else and if i needed to run to the store for a moment he was to watch her if he was home! and  he worked full time m-f  so friday and saturday nights he got up with her ! I wasn`t having any of this i need time to my self , i work all these hours. i need to relax crap! why becuase i am on call 24/7 and if he is in the house the the hell was he !   so with that said i think you may have to go all bitch on him ! and basiaclly lay it out on him ! he the father  you need to start pulling your weight around here or you can  find somewhere else to live becuase all you do is pay some of the bills and make me messes ! barely pay attention to your children or I  so right now to me your no more then a over grown whiney child !   and on the sex note  i dont blame you ! if i was in your shoes  i wouldn`t  be in the mood  due to being tired and so pissed at him for not helping me that sex would be so fair on the bottem of the list it wouldn`t be fnny good luck

I am a SAHM , I am a loving devoted military wife ! . I have never co-slept , I formula feed ! I spank, use times outs .  I am teaching my child manners ! I will not alow my child to think she can be a picky eater .  I am opiniated , sarcastic! I am not afaid to defend my opinion  and will let you know it ! I swear! I dont feel like i have to play with my child every second of every day ! I am honest with my child ! I don't sugar coat things for her .  how ever i am completely in love with her! I love being my husbands wife its one of the best things i have ever been called! and my Daughter mother is is the other best thing i have ever been called!


ttc  toddler girl  american flag ribbonpink ribbon

grammylynn911
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:44 AM


Quoting Laureanne:

You need to rip him a new one. Give me a break! he's up all night, won't feed the baby? won't look for a second job?

Give him an ultimatim. he needs to grow up and be an equal partner. he's theor father. If he does not want a second job then you go get one. Then he won't be able to play all day. Give me a break!

If you don't put an end to this crap you will be enabling his behavior and he won't change. You deserve much better.

Finally an answer that makes sense. He sounds like a cave man.


Grammy Lynn 911

MinniesMami
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:46 AM

I think he is already emotionally unattached to you and the kids- he is living his life as a single man- which can be tricky because HE IS NOT ONE. Sounds like this whole thing is heading in the wrong direction, and men like this rarely change.

You feel like a single mom even though you have a SO, sounds like you are going to end up being one- I'm not trying to be mean, just honest. He is not attached to you guys- it won't be long before he realizes that he can just up and go. If I were you I'd start looking for help now- so that when it does happen you are not left out in the cold with the kids.

At least then it will not be so bad because the only people you will take care of are your kids- you won't have to be worrying about this dumbass and what he does.

Good Luck

<----We are Hiring!! Apply Now!


 

Leener3
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:48 AM

I really do not mean to be disrespectful but you posted so I'll give you my thoughts.  

Why do you need to ask your husband's permission to get a job? and what do you mean by the statement "he will not let me?"

Why would your husband need to "offer to watch the kids?" Aren't they his kids?

I think somewhere along the line you and your husband mixed up the definition of marriage to mean "servitude" and not what is should be which is "equal partners." 

One more thing for you to think about:  What motivation does your husband have to change? He only works 24 hours a week, he is fed, he has clean clothes, a babysitter, an accountant, and a housekeeper.  What he has, is a mother not a wife.  What he is, is a teenager not an adult. If he doesn't get his way he throws a fit. So in order to keep the peace you make his life nice an comfy. And for your trouble your rewarded with what?

You and your husband need to get on the same page.  And if he's not willing, well then you have a choice to make. Either accept your life as it is or change it. Because frankly, he has no reason to change. 

P.S. If your not ready to make this decision yet at least do one thing.  You pay the bills right? Well, set up an account in your name only and start funneling some money into it every week. I have a feeling your going to need it at some point in your life.


lacygurl2326
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:48 AM

i tend to agree with this one

Quoting Laureanne:

You need to rip him a new one. Give me a break! he's up all night, won't feed the baby? won't look for a second job?

Give him an ultimatim. he needs to grow up and be an equal partner. he's theor father. If he does not want a second job then you go get one. Then he won't be able to play all day. Give me a break!

If you don't put an end to this crap you will be enabling his behavior and he won't change. You deserve much better.


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