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MY Huband called me fat!!!

Posted by on May. 24, 2009 at 4:39 PM
  • 31 Replies

O.K. I know this might seem silly, but I have been married for seven years together about 8 and a half and have a five year old DD.  Now you think after being married for seven years a man would be smart enough to know the answer to one of those typical questions "Do these jeans make me look fat?"  Well I am normally a very petite person.  When I met my DH I was real small.  I did not even gain a lot of weight during my pregnancy, probably because I threw up for nine months!  So we have been going through some different issues.  I took a medication a few years back for panic attacks, and for the first time in my life not only did I hit like 110 lbs. which I was happy about.  Then  I got heavy.  So he never said anything, I wasnot even really bothered by it.  I came off the medication and the weight came right off.  Well things have been getting really stressful around here.  We have a lot of things going on.  I started taking the medication again.  I gained weight again.  Although I plan on stopping the medication, you can't stop it right away you have to come down slowly, because you can have a seizure.  So I have been  going to the gym every day, walking four miles, taking exercise classes.  This is not just because I want to fit in to my clothes.  I want to be healthy and feel good not just be thin.  I came in the other room this morning in a small top and well not much else, I asked him if I looked any different.  He looked at me and said" Your love handles are HUGE!  Your trainers not telling the right way to do sit-ups!  Side note( My DH is in perfect shape but he has a small frame and he can eat anything all day and never gain a pound.) He is not the type of guy to say that with out being serious.  I got sooo upset.  Now before you think this is just a wife being insecure and silly, which maybe I am.  We have had a real hard time lately.  I have had to go through a lot of things in my life, and the bad things just keep coming.  So for me to really put my heart in to being healthy when I just want to curl up in to a ball a lot of the time.  Means something to me.  I have dealt with depression for as long as I can remember, but it has been worse lately.  He knows that exercising, helps that.  Like I said this is more about being healthy.  I am so mad at him.  He knows what I am going through and how I have picked my self up and got through some serious stuff.  This working out thing is an outlet for me to let out stress and be healthy.  I can not believe he had the nerve to say that.  So I said some really not nice things to him.  It might sound dumb , but I am really hurt.  I was never one tobe undressed with lights on, even when I was 115 lbs.  Now he is going to get mad because it will be a long time before he See's me undressed!  Hours later he now says he is sorry.  So am I being too hard on him?  Please keep in mind that this has a lot to do with the fact he knows that I am going through a real hard time right now, and for good reason.  Any feed back is welcome.  Thanks

EDITED**

First thank you all for your post's, A lot of good and funny advice.  The thing is when I wrote it this just happened and I was mad.   I don't think I really explained it right.  It was not like knowing I gained weight and I walked in the other room and asked "do I look fat?" I gained the weight as I said from a medication from depression and anxiety.  Well shortly after gaining this weight, I started going to the gym.  I now have gotten in to it very much.  There is not a day that goes by where I have not walked a lake near my house, about 3 and 1/2 miles, take an exercise class, Or just go to the gym and do my own thing.  It  has helped me emotionally.  So he knows this and that  I have lost about 8-9 pounds.  So being that he other than myself in the only other one that See's me undressed.  I went in to the other room with just a tiny shirt on, and asked if he could tell if he though my body was changing.  I mean I have told him I lost weight.  So he looks at me and said"  Your love handles are huge"  Then went on to say the trainer that I go to sometimes is not showing me how to work out right.  He used to be really big in to working out.  He knows a lot about building muscle.  He has never had to loose a pound in his life.  I would not have went up to him right after gaining the weight and said " do I look heavy"  because we both knew the answer to that.  I truly thought he would see the difference.  I have seen the difference, so have friends. It was not like I thought I was asking a loaded question.  At worst I would figure he would say " No I can't really tell.  He is the type of guy if he doesn't have something good to say, he wont say anything.  He would just brush it off.  So yeah it took me by surprise.  I hope that explains the situation a little better, and that I truly was not setting him up with a loaded question.  Again thank you all for your replies.  They where all great,

Jillian

by on May. 24, 2009 at 4:39 PM
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Replies (1-10):
peytonsmommy44
by on May. 24, 2009 at 4:42 PM
I don't think you are being insecure, he was being a jerk.
Sirenabella
by on May. 24, 2009 at 4:45 PM

I just wonder if it was said in a mean way? Like a comment or was he trying to discuss it with you? I understand the medication / weight gain thing. I've been there and had to loose all the weight again and it is really hard physically and emotionally. People who have never been overweight or had to work to lose that weight again really never "get" it even when they say they do. Good luck. I hope you feel better.

Angelbluewingsz
by on May. 24, 2009 at 4:46 PM

I am sure he just thought he was being helpful....

MandyArd
by on May. 24, 2009 at 4:46 PM

My husband is at fault for that as well, we have been together for 10 years, married for almost 6 and known each other for almost 20.  I look at him and say (cause he has a big belly)  "when you are 180 again lets talk!!!".  I weight about 170 now versus when he met me in high school I weighed 110.  Two kids and almost 11 years later  I am not the same size I used to be.  It is hard to get back little once you have had back surgery, you can't do many things you used to.  So I just call him a lazy ass cause all he does is sit on the xbox all day every day when he comes home from work.....THATS WHY HE IS SO BIG!!  I just can't seem to get the weight off, I strongly believe due to stress and our lifestyle.

FiveJobWonder
by on May. 24, 2009 at 4:48 PM

If you know you have gained weight why would you ask him that loaded question?

tajmogirl
by on May. 24, 2009 at 4:52 PM

Awww...I'm sorry dear. Even if he ws trying to be helpful, he didn't have to put it is such a way! I would be pissed too. I'm sorry it made you feel bad!


mommyofcutness
by on May. 24, 2009 at 4:55 PM

she meant since shes working out and she's losing weight....

but i never ask those kinds of loaded questions...lol..its almost like fishing for compliments and then being devestated when you dont get em... :)

Quoting FiveJobWonder:

If you know you have gained weight why would you ask him that loaded question?



"That's the good thing about death. You either die or you don't" ....Hank Hill

mommyofcutness
by on May. 24, 2009 at 4:56 PM


Quoting peytonsmommy44:

I don't think you are being insecure, he was being a jerk.


this too


"That's the good thing about death. You either die or you don't" ....Hank Hill

tajmogirl
by on May. 24, 2009 at 5:06 PM

Yeah I avoid those questions. I don't think my husband would ever call me fat, but I just don't ask to spare myself the anger if he did! LOL

Quoting mommyofcutness:

she meant since shes working out and she's losing weight....

but i never ask those kinds of loaded questions...lol..its almost like fishing for compliments and then being devestated when you dont get em... :)

Quoting FiveJobWonder:

If you know you have gained weight why would you ask him that loaded question?




sunshine21pa
by on May. 24, 2009 at 5:08 PM


Quoting tajmogirl:

Yeah I avoid those questions. I don't think my husband would ever call me fat, but I just don't ask to spare myself the anger if he did! LOL

Quoting mommyofcutness:

she meant since shes working out and she's losing weight....

but i never ask those kinds of loaded questions...lol..its almost like fishing for compliments and then being devestated when you dont get em... :)

Quoting FiveJobWonder:

If you know you have gained weight why would you ask him that loaded question?


 


My husband knows better then to ever call me fat lol

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