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question for mothers who have lost a baby....

Posted by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:28 PM
  • 23 Replies

 Ok.. this is not about having a miscarriage... actually giving birth to a child... if you lost your baby how long did you wait to have another one if you or partner did not get fixed? My dh's cousin and his gf lost there 1 1/2 month old baby the week before mothers day. They are already tries to "replace" her or thats how I see it. I lost my 1st twin, 2nd daughter at the age of 4 weeks. she was pre mature and dr said if i would have carried her for 2 more weeks we would have lost her inside. that was after delivery. Me and dh waited a little over two years to have another. That wasnt really enough time for me but no means was I "replacing" her. I was scared 4th dd would look like audry (the baby we lost). But thank goodness 4th dd looked like our oldest which looks nothing like the twins did... so just how long did you wait to have another baby?

by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:28 PM
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Replies (1-10):
momma-flynn
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:31 PM

I can't really answer because I've never lost a baby. But I'm sorry about yours. I work with a lady who lost her oldest. It was 6 years before she had her next two daughters. But her youngest looks exactly like the daughter who died and has the same personality. She said sometimes it helps like dd is there with them but some days it makes it so much harder.


ajswenson
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:32 PM

I have not but both my sister and mother did.  You can not replace a baby.  Everyone grieves differently. I am sorry for their loss and sorry for yours too.  Just try to be supportive that's all you can do.  but of course you know that.

sunshine21pa
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:36 PM

 My son was stillborn April 2005. I was 37 weeks. I got pregnant a year later and miscarried. Three years after that I had my baby girl...

bridey530
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:36 PM

my mothers first child was alive and kicking up until delievery and then died on the way out due to miscalculation of size.  i think my mom waited 3 months or so but none of her pregnancies were ever planned.  she would pretty much heal and then get pregnant again.  i do not think that there is a "right time" for any single person because everyone is different.  no matter what i'm sure their daughter will never be "replaced" but i can understand them having a desire to fill a void they may be feeling now.  if someone were to come to me for advice i would say to wait a few months so that momma can heal physically therefore increasing her abilities to carry a baby to full term. 

in any case i am so sorry for your cousins loss.  if it is not too nosy, what did the little one die of?

Laura913
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:38 PM

i haven't lost a baby then i guess because i have had two miscarriages

but

i think they should be able to decide when to start trying again, i do not think they are trying to "replace" their baby-no baby can replace another baby

i do not blame them for trying to fill that void, that hole in their life, they have got to be hurting, but they can't just dwell on it, they have to move on and have a family

pregnancy week by week

I am pregnant with my first baby!

Aubes
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:38 PM

my mother lost twins when she was around 5 months pregnant. it really upset her and the doctor actually mentioned to her she should wait at least three months until trying to have another baby if she wanted. three months went by and she wasnt trying to get pregnant and ended up getting pregnant within about 5mths after she lost the twins. so i guess i wouldnt be here if my mother hadnt lost the twins and it sucks to say that but my parents did tell me i would never have been a thought if those babies were lost. so i guess its different for everybody on when they feel they are ready.

~Amanda~    http://www.myspace.com/aandj75 

*Mommy of Aubrey Lee*

firecat8301
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:44 PM

I had a cousin who was a stillborn.  My aunt waited a year before she had my other cousin.  But she really never truely gotten over the death of her son.  That happened 27 years ago.

PoisonousBlonde
by Platinum Member on May. 24, 2009 at 9:50 PM

A friend of mine had a baby girl in January 2005. The baby was born premature, she was only 1lb 5oz. The baby died 6 days later. She hasn't tried for another one yet, she is still grieving.

img381/8154/99620876gs2.gifthimage021.jpg jasper witlock hale image by mrscullen1randy.jpg Randy Orton image by Mr_Damn_Artworks

Laura913
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:50 PM

same story here to. my mom lost twin boys before she got pregnant with me.

Quoting Aubes:

my mother lost twins when she was around 5 months pregnant. it really upset her and the doctor actually mentioned to her she should wait at least three months until trying to have another baby if she wanted. three months went by and she wasnt trying to get pregnant and ended up getting pregnant within about 5mths after she lost the twins. so i guess i wouldnt be here if my mother hadnt lost the twins and it sucks to say that but my parents did tell me i would never have been a thought if those babies were lost. so i guess its different for everybody on when they feel they are ready.


pregnancy week by week

I am pregnant with my first baby!

luv2wahm
by on May. 24, 2009 at 9:51 PM

I lost my little Jason when he was 7 days old. He died of nonketotic hypergylcinemia. We conceived our daughter Ashtyn 3 months later....I am sorry for your loss, but you don't have any right to say they are trying to "replace" anyone...Don't criticize someone for their choices after losing a child...trust me..Ashtyn was a gift not a replacement.  Don't be so quick to judge your DH's cousin's decision.

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