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my husband moved back home after a temporary separation, but he still treats me like crap...

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 1:46 PM
  • 7 Replies

So my husband made the decision to move back home after we had been separated for about 2 months. He began living with a friend in March when he brought up the divorce word and said that he didn't love me, didn't know if wanted feelings back for me again, and thought that he was done. We did the couple's counseling thing for 2 sessions before he was done with it, we visited our pastor for a couple of visits, and he is currently going to therapy. I am going to therapy when we can afford the extra copay.

Since he's been home, he has been very critical of me in regards to parenting, keeping the house organized, to how I observe him when he is trying to show me how to make something in the kitchen, and on and on it goes. He picks fights, and he is just so blank. He only touches me if I extend my hand or if I kiss him first. He has no problem with asking for and initiating sex, and I don't give in all the time because I have begun to feel used. I have told him this and he got all defensive and angry and told me that I had no right to feel that way because I was wrong. He is involved in an activity that I had tried doing with him when we first started becoming friends and I stopped doing it when our daughter was born because it just never worked out for me since I had to find a babysitter, I had to make it all work out for me to stay active, so I stopped, yet told him now and again that someday I'd like to become active with it...Well Tuesday nights is the night that he gets together with that group for practice. I told him that I'd be able to get a babysitter the next Tuesday to go with him. He said that he isn't used to me going with him and that he doesn't want to get excited because I blew it off before and that I am not a part of that world with him so he'd much rather not have me there.

I am always the one even before all the mess, to initiate getting a babysitter so we could go out together. I was always the one to suggest a date night. He could care less. He'd much rather hang with his buddies or be out of the house doing something. It doesn't help that his job has him away from home more than not. He tells me that it doesn't matter to him if we go out or not. He tells me that he just doesn't feel like doing anything with me because in the past something always happened to ruin the moment.

He doesn't even say I love you anymore, he doesn't compliment me, he always complains. I don't know why he chose to come back home in the first place if he can't stand me or if I frustrate or disgust him in any way. It sucks so bad when you don't feel loved, wanted or appreciated by the one person who should.

I don't know what to do, what to ask, what I should expect from him. I've tried to change some of the behaviors that were not so good, I thought that I was doing a good job with being better, but it doesn't seem to matter. He is constantly bringing up the past and saying that well this or that happened in the past and I just keep thinking that it will happen again...How can we move forward if he still thinks in the past.

I don't know what to do. I am lost, alone, stressed, and ready to throw up my hands...It seems that I can't do anything to make things right, he just want let it happen. I just don't know...He used to accept me as I was, but now I am just not smart enough or busy enough, or anything enough to please him...I used to be what he wanted, but he makes me feel that I am just so stupid and makes me feel that I am not worthy of anybody because I have nothing to offer...Sometimes I think that I was always meant to be alone...I just feel like such a burden and so unwanted, I am not new to this pain or these feelings, as I have had them in my childhood, but it still hurts...because when I met him and when we married I was so happy, I thought I'd found the best and I thought my life finally found peace...but I am in so much distress...

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 1:46 PM
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Replies (1-7):
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 1:48 PM

 So kick him back out and don't let him back in this time!

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 1:49 PM

It takes 2 to make the marriage work. Life is too short to be miserable.

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 1:50 PM

You deserve better.  I know it will hurt to end things but atleast that pain will eventually ease.  If you stay with him it will just keep hurting forever.  I think you should move on. 

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 1:52 PM

Sounds like he don't understand that relationships are a two way street.  Not a one way man's street.  He seems very immature.  Explain that actions speak louder then words and that your not a door mat.  He can't get mad at you because of the way he makes you FEEL.  if he does he isn't the man for you.  Worse comes to worse separate again. 

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 1:53 PM

Do you think that he is seeing someone else?

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 1:53 PM

Quoting liha:

 So kick him back out and don't let him back in this time!

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 2:15 PM

First of all, don't ever forget you are loved and deserve love!!  And you absolutely do NOT deserve to be treated like crap!!

So how did ya'll agree to reunite or did he just move his stuff back in?  He needs to know that it's NOT Ok for him to come and go as he pleases!  It's not a revolving door and your emotions and your daughter's should not be on a roller coaster that only he controls!! Getting back together should have been something that ya'll decided together.  And I'm surprised he wasn't on his best behavior since he just came back!!!  (sometimes its called the honeymoon phase!) 

Bottom line tho, he can't talk to you or treat you like that!!  Do NOT even allow it!!  It doesn't have to be a fight but  could be a calm discussion.  Try to show restraint, don't get each other going.  But sit down and discuss what ya'll expect from each other and the marriage.  And what about your daughter??   She shouldn't be exposed to someone who is treating you the way he is.  How would he like your daughter's future husband to treat her the way he's treating you??  How can he criticizes your parenting skills?  It seems from your post that you are the one who is always with the baby.

I suggest you reclaim some of your life.  Make a hair appt. and tell him that he'll be babysitting, go shopping with a girlfriend, go to the library or do whatever makes you happy, by yourself!!  He can babysit!!  Parenting should be shared!! 

And you need to think about YOU and what YOU want!! 

Stay strong, sweetie!!  Big Hugs to you!!!


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