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Remind me to never do anything good or fun for my kids again.

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 2:02 PM
  • 8 Replies

   I am so sick & tired of this , day in & day out.

I try to give my children (3 daughters , ones a baby so she isn't in this situation) a great child hood because mine wasn't all that good. I take them places all the time , spend every last dime on them ( even if the money was given to me to buy ME something , like birthday whatever.. ) come up with fun things for them to do , take them out to fun places to eat , anything basically to make memories together & give them anything ( within reason ) they're little hearts desire.

My recent trip to Wal-Mart (About 15 mins ago) took the cake. It was my breaking point. I told them yesterday that I would take them to buy something for doing the dishes for me (which they DID do , but the whole time they were screaming & fighting & they  made a HUGE mess ). Since they technically did the dishes , I took them to spend MY gift card money on them. They were pretty good in the store , it's just always hard going anywhere alone with 3 kids..

On the way home they did NOTHING but fight , scream & disrespect me. They back talk me like there's no tomorrow , they're never thankful for anything I get them. Within a day I bet you the new outfit they got will either be lost or just tossed aside & never thought of again.

I thought I was doing a good thing by doing all this stuff for them but I've come to realize that I am creating little spoiled monsters who have no respect or disregard for anyone , but themselves.

I am done. I am putting my foot down. Their new stuff is on the kitchen table , where it will stay until someone can EARN it back. They're in their rooms until I've felt like they have learned a lesson. Although , I seriously doubt anything will come of this... I do this over & over again & no one freakin cares.

Sorry.. I'm frustrated to the max! I'm done venting now.

margaritaville85. Get yours at bighugelabs.com/flickr

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 2:02 PM
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Replies (1-8):
athenax3
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 2:04 PM

Definitely sounds like it's time to set some limits and begin making them aware of the fact that thier world is largely determined by YOU....jmo....I have three dd's so know how it can be.


mommy1008
by Gold Member on Jun. 9, 2009 at 2:04 PM

Aww, mama I'm sorry :( Just stick to your punishment!

hugs

 


 

WAHM_Teresa
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 2:06 PM

You didn't state how old your kids were but I think doing dishes should be part of their chores and not rewarded.  Same with cleaning their room and such.  I give my girls an allowance of $5 each week but half of that has to go into savings.  But if their room isn't cleaned or they haven't helped around the house they get nothing. 

I'm sorry you're frustrated and I can't offer any real solid advice but wanted you to know someone read your post.

pirate_wife
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 2:08 PM

*hugs* good luck hun

jillbailey26
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 2:09 PM

My boys are the same way.  I have a daughter too, but she's only 12 months.  My boys are 5 & 6. 

Yesterday I got them little glow bracelet things.  I thought it would be a little fun thing.  There were 10 of them.  I gave them each three and my oldest was complaining and wanting more.  I told him that he had plenty and he would just whine (I hate whining).  So I just told him "okay, I'll take these away and you won't have any" and then he was fine. 

You have to make it known that even though they did what you ask, you're getting something to thank them, but you can also take it away just as fast.  You can't stop rewarding them, because then it'll be that much harder to get them to do anything.  So instead of saying "if you do this, you'll get this" I started asking them to do stuff and giving surprise rewards.  They never knew when they were going to get them, so eventually they stopped expecting them and were more thankful when they did get them.

I also have to remind them to say please and thank you, I think that's just their memory.  The more you push it, the more they'll start saying it.

~Jill~




luv2wahm
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 2:15 PM

Oh mama, I know what you are saying. I used to buy the girls things to "reward" them. Believe me it was easy considering I work at a toy store. Half the time, the toys would end up broken or hardly played with. My DH and I made a new year's resolution to save more money this year. We got to talking about presents for the girls. We thought back to our childhood and thought about those things we remember as a kid. We remember fishing with our parents, picnics, making lemonade stands..etc. Never did we think about all the little toys and trinkets. then it dawned on us, a walk with our kids, a bike ride, an impromptu picnic on the front lawn, playing hopscotch with the kids, playing jump rope...those are worth more than any toy at Walmart. Now when the girls do something extra...they ask things like...can we go to the park and play catch??? It's free but those memories are priceless.

starleigh21
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 2:16 PM

 I'm not sure how old your kids are...

When they're arguing in the car, pull the car over and say to them, "I will start counting to 30 when you guys are quiet, after i get to 30 we will leave again, as long as everyone is calm and not fighting." And, leave it at that, when they are quiet, start counting outloud, if they don't stop fighting, arguing or takling right away, then don't start counting. This only works if you're not in a hurry to get somewhere.

That works with my 5 step-kids.

If they are unappreciative, back off of doing stuff for them, the extra stuff that you don't have to do. And when they ask to do something, like go shopping, say to them, "I am sorry but I can't take you guys shopping with me because I am afraid of how you will behave at the store and on the way home from the store." And then leave it at that. Ignore them if they try to argue with you or talk back.

When they talk back, say this: "Do you want to stop arguing with me or do you want to go to your room?" Generally, they'll stop arguing, if they don't they have to go to their room.

Give them choices, "Do you want to behave in the car on the ride home, or do you want to not go?" "Do you want to stop fighting or do you want to go to your rooms?" "Do you want to turn down the t.v. or do you want me to turn it off?"   You get the idea, lol. Giving kids choices lets them feel incontrol of things, and then the power struggle is gone. You give them the choice of doing something that you want them to do and a choice of something that they don't want to happen. (do you want to stop or do you want to, for example).

jojomommy
by Gold Member on Jun. 9, 2009 at 2:23 PM

Lots of hugs mommy i understand you wanting to give you children the best memories but you need to take a step back memories should not cost you money and the best memories are going to the park,rent a movie make a tent in the living room and pop popcorn it's the small things not the expensive things : ). And dont be affrid to say no to your kids they will respect you more if you put your foot down

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