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I need some advice.

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 3:45 PM
  • 9 Replies

Ok heres the deal...I work for my mom, have for almost a year. I am currently pregnant.

Heres my problem: My mom keeps talking about how im working all the way up until delievery, which yes i know she does need me, but i am trying to take off a month or so before baby comes, so i can get the new house in order. We are moving the middle of next month. I am 23 weeks along, and so very tired. Another problem, she wants me to return quite soon after i have the baby, well i dont know that im going to come back, and i feel really bad about that, but i really want to stay at home with my baby, while we can afford for me to.

 

So heres the question: how to i tell my mom these things with out hurting her feelings? I keep hinting around that we need to start interviewing people so we can train someone. And she thinks its pointless because i will be back at work with in 3 weeks. The acutal job isnt hard, but it will be trying to care for and nurse a new baby, much less trying to do that at work. I would have to bring baby with me to work. Sorry its to rambled up, i am just really confused and debating what to do. Also i feel really selfish wanting this, am i?

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 3:45 PM
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Replies (1-9):
cypris420
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 3:47 PM

What would you do if it wasn't your mom?  Treat her like an employer, respectful but strong with your boundaries and your plans.  Don't let her guilt you into doing anything you don't want to do.  You only get one chance to have this pregnancy and birth and post-partum the way YOU want to, not her.

lvnmylif
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 3:49 PM

Your mother can't just skip around labor laws simply because you two are related.  She is required to give you maternity leave.  You need to stop beating around the bush and have a very blunt conversation with her.  Tell her up front and honestly about your plans after the baby comes and be ready for the fall out.  She sounds pretty over bearing to me so there may be some hurt feelings.  Make sure you pack your back bone in your bag and stand up for yourself.

amb_josh
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 3:50 PM

I would just quit i guess. But this is different....this is my mom, and i dont want to put her in the bind i know it will

Quoting cypris420:

What would you do if it wasn't your mom?  Treat her like an employer, respectful but strong with your boundaries and your plans.  Don't let her guilt you into doing anything you don't want to do.  You only get one chance to have this pregnancy and birth and post-partum the way YOU want to, not her.


ctfirsttimemom
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 3:54 PM

you aren't putting her in a bind, you're giving her  plenty of notice if you tell her now.  Even if you take the last month off, if you tell her now, thats plenty of time to hire and have you there to train for a couple weeks.  In this economy I'm sure you won't have any trouble getting someone.  lol, where do you live, I'll take the job:)  My son will be 8 months this Friday, and I'm still home with him.  Granted, I didn't have a job to go back to (got laid off right around the time I got pregnant) but you are going to want AT LEAST the 6 weeks!  Newborns don't do schedules so well.  And you only get that time once.  If you can afford to, take some time off.

Quoting amb_josh:

I would just quit i guess. But this is different....this is my mom, and i dont want to put her in the bind i know it will

Quoting cypris420:

What would you do if it wasn't your mom?  Treat her like an employer, respectful but strong with your boundaries and your plans.  Don't let her guilt you into doing anything you don't want to do.  You only get one chance to have this pregnancy and birth and post-partum the way YOU want to, not her.



amb_josh
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 3:56 PM

She can be over bearing, but not always. I am her only daughter, and we are honestly very close. I think her feelings are the ones that are going to get hurt, because shes looking foward to seeing the baby daily, and things like that. Its just really taking alot out of me to come to work daily like this, and i planned on staying if everythijng was ok, up until at least 7 months then going home, full time. I know pregnant women work up until they deliever all the time. But i want to be able to sit back and enjoy this pregnancy. This pregnancy wasnt spose to happen in the first place. I was told at 12 that i wouldnt get pregnant. I am just really confused and dont want to hurt my mother

Quoting lvnmylif:

Your mother can't just skip around labor laws simply because you two are related.  She is required to give you maternity leave.  You need to stop beating around the bush and have a very blunt conversation with her.  Tell her up front and honestly about your plans after the baby comes and be ready for the fall out.  She sounds pretty over bearing to me so there may be some hurt feelings.  Make sure you pack your back bone in your bag and stand up for yourself.


amb_josh
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 3:59 PM

For the first time that my husband and i have been together, we can actually afford for me to stay at home for a while! where we are moving to cuts our monthly bills to less than half of what we pay out normally, and best of all, its our property, and soon to be our house! We are so excited about that, plus i want to go back to school when the baby is 6 months or so, and do mostly online courses. Until i have no choice but to go back in. I want to be an RN. I actually have certificates that actually pretain nothign to what i am doing now at work, and thats actually a let down in a way. Ok rambling agian sorry

Quoting ctfirsttimemom:

you aren't putting her in a bind, you're giving her  plenty of notice if you tell her now.  Even if you take the last month off, if you tell her now, thats plenty of time to hire and have you there to train for a couple weeks.  In this economy I'm sure you won't have any trouble getting someone.  lol, where do you live, I'll take the job:)  My son will be 8 months this Friday, and I'm still home with him.  Granted, I didn't have a job to go back to (got laid off right around the time I got pregnant) but you are going to want AT LEAST the 6 weeks!  Newborns don't do schedules so well.  And you only get that time once.  If you can afford to, take some time off.

Quoting amb_josh:

I would just quit i guess. But this is different....this is my mom, and i dont want to put her in the bind i know it will

Quoting cypris420:

What would you do if it wasn't your mom?  Treat her like an employer, respectful but strong with your boundaries and your plans.  Don't let her guilt you into doing anything you don't want to do.  You only get one chance to have this pregnancy and birth and post-partum the way YOU want to, not her.

 

 


amb_josh
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 5:51 PM

Bump

Caitlin10081989
by Ruby Member on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:01 PM

I don't think you're selfish for wanting this. If it's truly what you want then go ahead but I myself if I was in this situation would try and make a compromise with my mom so both you and her were happy and neither one of you felt hurt.

lilberber
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:05 PM

I would just tell her straight out that i am not coming back from my maternity leave. and that she needs to hire someone else. It sound to me like she is treating you like a regular employee. so I would do the same. At work it is buisness, when home its family.

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