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Afraid of others who are going to die...

Posted by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 4:00 PM
  • 8 Replies

I have discovered something new about myself in the last few months. I know now that i've always felt this way, but I didn't come to realize it until fairly recently.

I came across this woman who was preparing to die. I was breifly told her story. Understand, she is walking around, she has a family with young children and you wouldn't know she was preparing to leave this earth unless she told you. I found it very disturbing. I couldn't look at her, talk to her, tell her how sorry I was for this happening to her. I just had to get away. It was like, from this moment on she is a "dead man walking". I thought about the things she was going to miss and how her family was going to feel after she was gone. I felt as if I was mourning her death from that moment on.

It was terrifying. I couldn't even say it was terrifying because the emotion I felt being in her presence was like nothing i've ever felt in my life.

I can't say I would feel this way if i was in her situation. I really couldn't say unless I was in that position. I'm sure though, that i would me more sad and angry than anything. Maybe the fear of a painful death, but not death in general. I am AFRAID of people who are dying, not myself dying, is what i'm trying to say.

Idk, maybe you ladies understand what i'm saying. I'm sorry if i offended anyone. I truly am, because if i've offended you, your probably one of the ones that i'm afraid of.

by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 4:00 PM
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Replies (1-8):
jessicer421
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 4:19 PM

Wow, must be a really boring topic!

aka_speezolove
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 4:21 PM

 IDK, I am terrified of myself dying, so Idk what to tell you :)


 

boyx3
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 4:41 PM

 I think I understand.  When My MIL became sick I had a hard time talking to her because I didn't know what to say to her. I just tried to be normal but it got really hard when she'd talk about it. I wanted to avoid her but be there for her all at the same time.  It was sad and I was scared but it was nice to hear that she was not afraid.

Now when my Father became ill, All I wanted to do was talk to him, but he was afraid to talk to us.  I was so scared for him and for my mother and for some reason, I think he was ashamed of being sick and maybe a little scared too. IDK.  My mother, my sister and I are all doing well since he passed in April, but it is still hard.

I know what you mean though, while they were both sick it was hard not to have a conversation with them, or even look at them without thinking about how long we'd have them with us.  We of course, prayed for a lot longer than we had.

 

 

 

jessicer421
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 5:48 PM

I'm so sorry for your losses.

Quoting boyx3:

 I think I understand.  When My MIL became sick I had a hard time talking to her because I didn't know what to say to her. I just tried to be normal but it got really hard when she'd talk about it. I wanted to avoid her but be there for her all at the same time.  It was sad and I was scared but it was nice to hear that she was not afraid.

Now when my Father became ill, All I wanted to do was talk to him, but he was afraid to talk to us.  I was so scared for him and for my mother and for some reason, I think he was ashamed of being sick and maybe a little scared too. IDK.  My mother, my sister and I are all doing well since he passed in April, but it is still hard.

I know what you mean though, while they were both sick it was hard not to have a conversation with them, or even look at them without thinking about how long we'd have them with us.  We of course, prayed for a lot longer than we had.

 

 

 


boyx3
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:03 PM

Thank you.

Quoting jessicer421:

I'm so sorry for your losses.

Quoting boyx3:

 I think I understand.  When My MIL became sick I had a hard time talking to her because I didn't know what to say to her. I just tried to be normal but it got really hard when she'd talk about it. I wanted to avoid her but be there for her all at the same time.  It was sad and I was scared but it was nice to hear that she was not afraid.

Now when my Father became ill, All I wanted to do was talk to him, but he was afraid to talk to us.  I was so scared for him and for my mother and for some reason, I think he was ashamed of being sick and maybe a little scared too. IDK.  My mother, my sister and I are all doing well since he passed in April, but it is still hard.

I know what you mean though, while they were both sick it was hard not to have a conversation with them, or even look at them without thinking about how long we'd have them with us.  We of course, prayed for a lot longer than we had.

 

 

 

 


prego7386
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:07 PM

you are probably more afraid of the idea of mortality....everyone dies but not when we "expect " it usually. the fact that this woman is dying and looks fine prob sends up red flags subconsciouslyat least that anyone could die at any moment and so of course triggers the fear of death thing. i cant stand hospitals...i know every time i walk in to one that somewhere in there at that moment some one is dying and someone is being told they are going to die...freaks me out.

edwardsgirl
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:11 PM

I deal with it everyday.

I am a hospice nurse and every morning i make my rounds to those who want to die at home. They are dying. They are in different stages of death. Some just found out they are going to die; some only have a few days left.

I will never begin to understand what that must be like. As their caregiver it is my job to ensure their last few days are peaceful. Is it something i enjoy? No. I  would  glady face unemployment if noone ever had to die. I would take not having a job versus having to watch them suffer. Dying of a disease, any disease, is never pleasant, no matter how much medicine your given. Your body shuts down piece by piece until lastly you just stop breathing. Its very hard to watch someone die. 

I understand your fear. Not many can do what i do. Not many people are capable of looking at a a seemingly healthy individual and watch them die a little everyday. Its hard. yes its still hard for me.

 

 

naomnicole
by on Jun. 9, 2009 at 6:13 PM

i hear ya

Quoting prego7386:

you are probably more afraid of the idea of mortality....everyone dies but not when we "expect " it usually. the fact that this woman is dying and looks fine prob sends up red flags subconsciouslyat least that anyone could die at any moment and so of course triggers the fear of death thing. i cant stand hospitals...i know every time i walk in to one that somewhere in there at that moment some one is dying and someone is being told they are going to die...freaks me out.


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